Tell me more about your work habits - you commute quite a few miles right? Do you spend your lunch breaks at your desk or do you go for a walk? Do you take the stairs or the elevator? How much movement do you get in a day?

During the commute, do you listen to news radio or books on CD, or good music CDs?

I listen to music on my drive. I have several CD's with a variety depending on what I am feeling. I have actually ordered Scriptures on CD, but they are on back order. I'm looking forward to having the chance to get through all the standard works this way from beginning to end.

I always take a lunch and leave the office, even if just to drive down the road and sit in the shade for awhile. I need that break. I work in the hills and attempted to "walk" a few times on a lunch break and the hills were very difficult for me so I didn't get too far. However, one time I did do well walking down the road and back to the 7-11 to get a Diet Pepsi. It took about 20 minutes. I carry my walking shoes in the car and we have a family membership at the gym - just facts, have taken no action because of it.

Try some of this music on for size:

Evening Angels by Kurt Bestor
Innovators by Sam Cardon and Kurt Bestor
Innovators II by Sam Cardon and Kurt Bestor
btw - read the inserts on these CDs to get the stories behind the music
LDS Hymns of Praise - a variety of artists - my favorite - the words to Hymn # 112 are set to a violin/male soloist duet - Jenny Oaks Baker on the violin...

A really good CD set is Bob Proctor and Mary Morrissey discussing Raymond Hollewell's book "Working With The Law". It's non-denominational and has some excellent points - including a discussion on tithing, receiving blessings, mastering thoughts. It's fast becoming a focusing tool I use regularly.

I was feeling much better last night when we went to bed. It helps too that we are alone this weekend. DD is out of town with our GS for the weekend and DS was at a friends for the night. We stayed up pretty late last night after the EN's questionairre, I was on here, he was watching TV - both in the same room, he likes me to be there with him. He watched the Discovery Channel for awhile and when he wanted me to see something and talk about it, I stopped what I was doing and showed interest and really listened.

In the middle of all that, I went to the website that ezb was telling people about for the 5 languages of love. There is a short quiz on there and H and I learned a bit more about each other and our styles and we discussed that. There is also a quick quiz on the language of apology. He's very simple, he just likes to hear "I'm sorry". I'm the repentant type, I want to hear "I'm sorry, I'll try to never hurt you again, etc.". So I remembered something that I had done earlier in the day where I sensed in his voice that he was hurt. I cut him off when he called me after dropping DD at airport just to "shoot the breeze". I said, you probably shouldn't be on the phone right now without your bluetooth, you know the law goes into affect tomorrow. I was short of course, because I was still very toxic. I apologized and said that I knew that I had hurt his feelings earlier. Because I am monitoring his phone usage, I had noticed later that he called his BF right after we hung up. So in my re-discovery of what his EN are, I brought that up as well that since Conversation is his #1 need, I was sorry that I had hurt him and not recognized it. That's when he told me that he finally "got it". He had been trying to put his finger on exactly what the EN was that the OW would fill and that was it. This morning I elaborated on my post above about his #1 need of Conversation, explaining that.

I woke up at 6:30 am (habit), he slept in (he does so on the weekends) to about 8:30 am. I stayed in bed and popped open the laptop and was on here and some other Christian websites and waited for him to wake up. I asked if he wanted to go to breakfast once he was awake, I read him some postings on the sites I was visiting. During that time, I walked past my bookshelf and a book that I have owned FOREVER and have not read is called - Believing Christ.

Once awake, H asks me "why are you being so nice?" I had to kind of chuckle, but I can totally see why he would be so reluctant to not think he was having a dream. I said that I had been toxic all week. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn't run to the hills when I am like that. I explained that I was accountable for how I was acting this week and that I was seeking help here as well as taking responsibility for making a change. I told him that once I had started reading the basic concepts over again last night, it clicked when SH talked about obsessing. I was almost somewhat relieved because I wasn't seeing the "light" myself. Anyway, I also told him that by filling out the EN with him, it was giving me new hope for our committed recovery.

So we went to breakfast around 11 am after spending those previous few hours showering and getting ready, me listening to his stories. I told him that I realized that all my complaining of how he wasn't like he used to be when we met was not completely accurate because one of the things I love about him was his ability to talk to me for hours on end, telling stories, making me laugh, etc. And I had taken that for granted now that we are M and instead pushed him away, made him hurry, cut him off, didn't listen. After brunch, we took a little nap. I had been up since 6:30 am so I was a bit tired being that we had stayed up so late the night before, but he actually napped with me for a bit. That was very surprising and fulfilled my EN of Affection because usually he will NOT stay in the bedroom once he is up and about doing stuff and will rarely take a nap with me. Looks like we both were making deposits today.

Before our nap, we started reading the Believing Christ book together and we had a beautiful discussion about the Atonement and about the difference between Believing "in" Christ and "Believing" Christ. It was a great discussion. H is very knowledgable in Scripture, I forget that sometimes. I look forward to continuing to read the book together.

FOCUS = RECOVERY

grindn - Yes, of course. We are "given" TODAY, and today only with which to make our choices, deal with our problems, etc. Only God has control of, and knowledge of, the future. We CAN, and should, make our plans, but we submit them to God and HIS will in our lives, that they may be in accord with His will and what the "days that are appointed unto us" may be.




And that is all that God asks of us....to try, to confess when we go wrong, to rest in the sure knowledge that HE is a forgiving Father BECAUSE of what Jesus already did for us, not because we are "perfect."

Remember, it is NOT how "knowledgeable" you may be, it is simply "faith as small as a mustard seed." That's because Jesus already did all that was necessary to give us the ability to have a restored relationship with God through Him and has provided us with the indwelling Holy Spirit who also talks to the Father on our behalf when we don't know "how to say it." The Holy Spirit will also help us to learn and grow as we seek to walk humbly with God and to learn....to obey the "Greatest Commandment."


God bless.