|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Believe me, I know how HARD this is. I sooo remember these long weekends..wanting my H, wondering what THEY were doing..all of that...
Since that time, I've LEARNED to cope in the ways that I've been telling you. I HAD to LEARN in order TO SURVIVE and you will be STRONGER for this...
Try not to GIVE IN to your FEELINGS...ACT/PLAN/DO SOMETHING..GIVING INTO THE FEELINGS gets you nowhere..
You want to gain a SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER and that is through ACTION!!
So it is GREAT that you are asking what can you do?
But DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF NOW!!
ANYTHING...
It won't work to take the pain away..but STAYING BUSY is BEST...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
Has your only recent contact been through his calls?
Why do you think his parents have that response? Do you believe his brother? Do you believe they think it's OK for him to be having an affair? Have you met them? Contact has been through phone calls only, and I see him once a week. That is only because I call him and I make excuses to see him. His brother told me that the whole family is behind me. I had stopped speaking to his parents for a year, as they were upset that i was looking after my dad and neglecting H. I thought I would give them a chance to cool down. I started speaking to them last month but haven't been able to speak to them much as it is hard. Also get the feeling they don't want to speak to me much. I think they are thinking 'good riddance' I met them once after our marriage.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
I went to the gym, went to the yoga class. Thinking of doing a 10k run in July - WH is doing the same one as well. OW has signed up as well. Will it annoy him if i do as well?
Y'day he said i was really unfit and i would never be able to do a half a marathon so i want to start small.
Just concerned i am taking on too much - also need to start studing for my final finance exams which i have been putting off for years so that i could give him and my dad the attention they needed. But I've been told at work - that there won't be any promotion without the exams.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I suggest you write to them and let them know how much you love their son, how you want to work on your marriage and how you are aware that he is having an affair, living with "_____". Unless they are immoral, supporting their son's wrongdoing, this MAY have an affect. I know it would if we learned this about either of our sons.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Is your Dad still living?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
Is your Dad still living? Yes he is
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
So do you continue to spend a lot of time with him? Was he sick or something?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
I suggest you write to them and let them know how much you love their son, how you want to work on your marriage and how you are aware that he is having an affair, living with "_____". Unless they are immoral, supporting their son's wrongdoing, this MAY have an affect. I know it would if we learned this about either of our sons. They do know her, and they have met her. They even speak to her on a regular basis. I think they think she is great. I guess I am going to have to work on being the best daughter in law as well. I am going to try harder to get them to come here.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
So do you continue to spend a lot of time with him? Was he sick or something? He is partially blind - has no sight in the right eye and is losing sight in the left. Yes I am living with him right now.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
They even speak to her on a regular basis. I think they think she is great. How do you know this FOR SURE? How do you EXPLAIN them feeling this way about a woman who is having an illicit affair with their son? What kind of people are they? I'm not sure I'd want to even be in this family if they are REALLY like this. No wonder their son has abandoned his wife IF THIS IS TRUE.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
They even speak to her on a regular basis. I think they think she is great. How do you know this FOR SURE? How do you EXPLAIN them feeling this way about a woman who is having an illicit affair with their son? What kind of people are they? I'm not sure I'd want to even be in this family if they are REALLY like this. No wonder their son has abandoned his wife IF THIS IS TRUE. I don't know this for sure. But I think they feel that at least now their son has full time 'wife' so as to speak, who is there to look after him all the time. I haven't spoken to them about this. His brother told me that any guy would break under such circumstances and that it is my fault.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I think you need to speak with them directly Brown and tell them the TRUTH. Don't listen to HIS BROTHER. He's lying. That is not the TRUTH. Your HUSBAND has only ONE WIFE. Don't allow them to LIVE THIS LIE. He's probably told his parents that you are divorced or that YOU want a DIVORCE. Tell them THE TRUTH. I would say IMMEDIATELY.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
His brother told me that any guy would break under such circumstances and that it is my fault. This is a MEAN and CRUEL thing for your BIL to say to YOU. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFICATION FOR THE WRONG THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS DOING. DON'T BUY THIS FOR ONE MINUTE!!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
I am planning to speak to them but won't WH be mad?
I don't want to spoil things further.
I am still planning to deliver lunch to him next week - what do you think?
Going to also make coconut chocolates at home (first time!). I am going to go to town!
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I am planning to speak to them but won't WH be mad? I think you should speak to them TODAY. This is the most important thing that you can do to break up his AFFAIR. He may be mad but it will be CRYSTAL CLEAR to him that you are FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE. I encouraged another young woman on here to do this and she is now reconciled with her H because of the influence of his mother. I can't say that this would happen for you. But if your H were my son, I would be on his case and would have nothing to do with him as long as he stayed with a homewrecker and I have a very close relationship with both of my sons. It is important to them to not disappoint me. It is MORE IMPORTANT to do this than to cook him any food. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU CALL THEM RIGHT AWAY!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
Mimi - it's not like they don't know. They know about her. My MIL speaks to her like there is no problem. So I am worried about how they will react and getting myself upset again. My BIL just kept on telling me how i had dug my own hole.
It is all very upsetting.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
I will speak to them but I know that it might just mean more pain for me.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
My MIL speaks to her like there is no problem. How does she justify this to you? She thinks it's OK for her married son to be living with another woman? Have you spoken to her directly and told her that's what's going on? I''m encouraging you to FIGHT as an ANTIDOTE for your PAIN.. GO OUT FIGHTING!! DON'T LAY DOWN AND DIE!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I think he's told his parents some sort of LIE about this and you are sitting back and letting him do this to you.
FIGHT THIS AFFAIR with EXPOSURE to his parents.
This is the most important thing for you to do right now.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365 |
Ok I will speak to her tomorrow - it is too late now - 3 in the morning for them.
I wish someone had a crystal ball that could tell me what the future holds. I don't want to live without him
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
539
guests, and
78
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,047
| |
Most Online8,273
Yesterday at 04:20 AM
|
|
|
|
