a new feature on these boards you guys didn't know about. It's much more funner than ignoring.

mlhb - there is no "come on" to it. Yes, it is easy to say "just don't read it," but it's also TRUE, in much the same way that "thou shall NOT commit adultery" is "easy to say" but the "WS" response is "you don't know my situation or how offensive and neglected I feel by my spouse."

If you (or anyone) are allowing yourself to get "all worked up" by what someone else is saying or doing....why do you allow yourself to feel that way? Walk away from the thread or if they are being rude and personal, report the post to the moderators.

You don't have to be "p*ssed off or hurt or whatever" if you don't allow yourself to react that way.

When you say, ""just don't read it" but come on," aren't you really just saying that the individual doesn't have the ability to control THEIR OWN actions and responses? Think about it.

And yes, you CAN "say" that using the "ignore user" function IS a way of controlling your own actions and responses to someone who "annoys you," but in reality all that is being done is shifting the responsibility to someone else(in this case the system) to "protect you."

All that I really advocate is that each person take responsibility for their own actions and responses for themselves. Stand up and control YOU, yourself, the only person you can control anyway. "Running away" from something that is "unpleasant" is a natural response ("fight or flight response"), but as rational, thinking, human beings, we don't have to "give into" emotional responses, we can CHOOSE.

After all, that IS the "message" that BS's try to get across to their WS's, right?

Don't give someone else the right to have "power" over you through your emotional feelings, stand your ground. "Ignoring a user" is pretending that the person or idea is not "out there" and that it doesn't have to be "dealt with," even if it makes us "uncomfortable for a while."




I don't know the specific case you are referring to, so I can't comment directly on it. But I will say that if someone is being "harrassing," that IS a "reportable offense against the rules (TOS) of the system" and should be reported to the Moderators for PERMANENT intervention of that member's right to post to anyone if they can't "get with the program."

The underlying thought that I would apply to this issue is there IS a distinction between "argument" and "being argumentative."

Argument is health, being argumentative for one's own purposes or agrandizement is unhealhty.

Just one example would be the proverbial "MB 2x4" that is sometimes employed as a means to "get the attention" of someone. I've used it on occasion, recently in fact, and most other members have likewise used it on occasion. The INTENT, though, is to help someone, especially if they are on a destructive path or a path to nowhere. It is NOT intended to "hurt" for the sake of hurting someone.

we are all entitled to our opinions.
i think it is a lot of "hub-bub" over a simple ignore button but, ok.

i think there is a big difference between an ignore button and someone committing adultery.

as i said, i can tolerate a lot of b*llshit that i see on here and usually do. most times i can choose to read or not read. no big. the one troll that i ignored did end up getting banned from the board. the other time, as i said, was someone who was being sarcastic with me just for the sake of being that way on MY OWN THREAD. not theirs, not someone else's. what was said was directly hurtful to me and it continued even when i asked them to stop. so, i just chose to ignore them. even when i told them they were on ignore so please stop posting to my thread, they still posted on my thread! i believe at that point it was just done for the sake of showing that i could not stop them from posting on my thread. did i feel they needed to be reported? no because i feel this was a specific issue she had with me. and i ended that issue by putting her on ignore. after getting in her last few posts on my thread (which i did not read due to ignore) she finally stopped and there has not be a problem since.

so, for the above case i feel it worked and was appropriate.

i have disagree at one time or another with virtually everyone on here. but i have not put them on ignore.

mlhb

We are.



If you think my posting my opinion is tantamout to "a lot of hub-bub" then I can't argue with your opinion.




Yes there is. They are opposites. The ignore button is for the equivalent of the Betrayed Spouse, not the one choosing to behave as a Wayward Spouse.

HOW the Betrayed Spouse reacts and responds is always the question.

In the past, the Moderators did, imho, a rather dismal job of intervening when circumstances such as you encountered occurred. With the system upgrade, the Moderators have taken a much more aggressive stance, even "over-kill" in some cases in my humble opinion, but they DO respond to things when reported, and even when they are not reported but they become aware of it through their own reading of threads.

However, in the interest of "hub-bub-edness," I'm ending my participation in this thread. I believe I have stated my opinion clearly enough that further "clarification" postings really aren't necessary.

God bless.

sounds fair fh.

i agree to disagree with you on some things, but in a most respectful manner

and for the record, bs's that put their ws and their ws's actions on "ignore" are doing themselves and their families a huge disservice.

mlhb

FH, as you probably know by now, you gave me too much credit, but I regret having spelled it out. My doing so was more about saying why I wasn't going to be continuing the discussion. And it's not like I disagree with everything he says. I think he raises lots of good points and I respect that he wants to help people.

I've seen too many back-and-forth debates rage over internet message boards to let myself get involved, and when I feel myself get that triggered and want to respond itch, it's time to back off. My life is too busy to waste energy getting worked up over something that happens here. Better to just not see it to begin with. I confess that I felt a bit guilty over the whole strategy until the first person to respond was Bob_Pure, and Bob's one of my heroes on here.

I tried to figure out how to do it on my own--I didn't really want to start a whole thread over this and now kind of wish it would go away. Well, except for the ignoring SL part. Where is she, anyway? Does anyone know how the birthday party went?

SD,

SL posted on her thread about the party...

mlhb

sdguy - hey, I understand. And for what it's worth, I've been priveleged to be placed on "ignore" by several members over the years.

It's usually their way of saying they don't like what I may have been saying, and that is how it is usually used.

It really doesn't bother me if someone uses the "ignore user" button. It's their life and their choice, but seems much easier to simply not read posts or threads that "bother" one.

God bless.

mmmmf mffm mffff mmmmfff

Hey, someone put me on freaking mute!!!