MEDC, is this the only thing that is bringing up all the red flags? Well this and her choice of friends in general?

Being able to talk to her honestly about how you feel, may open up conversation enough that you find some pleasant surprises about her.

If you otherwise like her, it won't hurt to keep an open mind going forward, but seeing other people as well.

I am all for the whole interviewing/dating process being just that.

Mel and Pep were life savers in that dept for me. And of course the guys here were good sounding boards on what was just a guy thing and what was a "RUN FOR THE HILLS" thing.

Yeah, they flock together. I don't know if it's to justify their scumbag ways, or if it's because there are so many cheaters out there that clumps of them are unavoidable.

My FWW's half sister, who lives 2 hours away, is still dating the OM she left her husband for. She and FWW talk on the phone often and it drives me nuts. The sister will go on and on about OM as if nothing is wrong. My W has given her "the lecture" to no avail. I told her if it was me, I'd cut off all communication with her until OM is out of the picture.

"I'm not doing that! It's my sister!"

It's caused a fight or twenty.

btw,

good luck medc!

mlhb

Y'all it is WAY FUN to tell Mel she's WRONG! If you haven't ever done so, try it...YOU'LL LOVE IT!!! (just make sure you're a few states away!)

Mrs. W

P.S. Be sure to read who the above quote is "by"!

One thing this whole ordeal has done for me is made me examine myself and my friendships. I have freed myself of several friends and aquaintences as a result. Doing so has had a very positive effect on my life. It allows me to focus my time and energy on relationships that are actually valuable, making them stronger and more rewarding.

I have a pretty low tolerance for unethical behavior in my relationships now, and my life is better for that.

I have been horribly scorched by less than honest women in the past and this issue sends up a big flag for me that covers more than a few areas...how do you trust someone that seems willing to excuse the bad behaviors of another person? If they are willing to be part of a deception...then I am afraid that it would be me being deceived next.

I have an apprehension about bringing this up and then remaining with her...since, she could decide that she is willing to put on a great face for me...but then continue acting out in unacceptable (to me) ways. So, why bother? In order for me to continue seeing this girl, she would have to distance herself from what appears to be her best friend. I am not comfortable asking her to do that....and don't feel like it is my place.

You should have seen the look on her face when I told her that if I found out K has had an affair and has not told her husband that I would take it upon myself to do so....she looked at me like I was from Mars!

MLHB...why do you live so darn far away???

MEl..."sheeple"...I LOVE IT!

On a serious note, I had three "best" friends when I began my affair...All of whom I told what was going on...Two of them told me that I was WRONG...One of those two gave me a BIG tongue lashing...The third "friend" went along with me, went on a "date" with OM and I, offered to pass letters back and forth between us...She had an affair of her own, which we helped her husband expose-they recovered their marriage, but she resented me and never apologized to Mr. W for her involvement in my affair...Needless to say, she and I are no longer friends...

My true friends were "friends of the marriage"...They wanted what was best for me, Mr. W and our dd...They wanted what was good, true and just...Those are the kind of people I want in my life...

Mrs. W

ETA: I should add that the two that were really my friends didn't know before Mr. W did...If they had, I feel sure they would have told him...The other one did know before Mr. W and was all too glad to keep it from him...

gee, i don't know medc.. why is the sky blue while we are at it?

and i just got my nails done today too. all girled up i am!

time for a road trip maybe??

just get the batkey back from st before you come. MUAHAHAHAHA!!

mlhb

This is so true, and it is so disheartening to see how many people do not see it as "their" business to help keep a family together...even people who were at your wedding and listened to your vows...

You know, I remember the semi-sermen the minister gave at our wedding and he spent quite a few minutes on the responsibility of our guests to help us uphold our vows.

Sometimes though, people who have not experienced infidelity (hard to believe there is still some) do not do the deep thinking necessary to see how they have a responsibility to help their friends stay together. Or how destructive an affair would be for their friend.

MEDC, I agree with you one hundred percent, if you think she is capable of deception. But the whole rating men thing would be enough to get me moving on. The thinking it's okay for her friend to disrepect her husband and be wantonly towards other men, or whatever a good term for that is, is a sign of gross immaturity as well.

MEDC.....

I am quite shocked and surprise that you are struggling with this??? (hey just a little jab at your out-spokenness.... ...tongue-in-cheek if you please....)

You seem like you know what the right thing to do is. You are a smart smart man.....

and yes, I believe that people of a feather, DO IN FACT flock together....an area in my recovery now that I am sorting out....

Here's a cute little story for you....

As you all know, My sis had an affair last spring/summer. I found out after the A was over. I found out DURING my WS A that he knew all along, though he didn't agree with it, but didn't think it was "his" place to say anything. She had told him one night when they were all out (something I didn't know about until a couple of months ago....). And the reason she didn't tell me was because she knew I would kick and lecture her butt until it was black and blue. And when I was done I WOULD in fact tell my BIL.....but yet my WS who has always disliked my sis kept HIS mouth shut!!! Interesting wouldn't you say????


not2fun

ps....far be it from me to offer any advice..but I agree with Mel on you needing to tell her your thoughts on all of this.....

I do...and thank you. I think the reason that I run things by people here is that given my history (and the history of many here) it is possible to be "over sensitive" to certain issues. Getting the feedback of others (and reading about others) helps me know if I am veering off the course which I believe to be correct.

Are you two flirting?

How cute!

and just when I thought all the joy and humor had left this joint in the dust.

eh, we flirt all the darn time but live about 8 hours apart. so, only internet flirting at this point. that is, until i can talk him into a road trip!

haven't managed that yet, but do try..

mlhb

mlhb,

GB and I lived 5 hours apart when we met, and now that we are married we live 1200 miles apart. LOL (long story)

The first time he came to see me he got a room at a hotel for the weekend, but later said that if it didn't work out, he planned on being out of there first thing Sat morning.

We emailed/phoned for almost three months before we met. He had met so many nut cases on match that he had become a bit gun-shy. LOL

[threadjack]


well heres a bit for ya: I got in late from a church meeting last week. Squid left a note before going to bed :

Baby, there's a pie in the oven for your supper, pull my nightie down when you've finished love your Squid XX

* still LOLing over this *

[/threadjack]


oh and MEDC, all I ever hear folks at work talk about is who they screwed or who they fancy screwing.

I take Daniel's stance on it: I keep my consciences counsel and let others keep theirs. I won't stay party to a discussion that turns that way. I don't think it is "birds of a feather" more that there's a lot of extramarital flocking going on our there.

Sickening really.

josie,

i don't do the dating sites thing. i was on eharmony for a 3 month special but did not renew. talked to one guy for awhile, he actually still emails me once in awhile just to say hi, but he was wayyyy to needy in my opinion.

so i just kind hang out ya know? i am not looking nor do i go looking i guess is what i mean. it is what it is. i work, hang out with my kids, etc. that's my life!

mlhb

HUGE LOL's at bob!!

nice not there huh?

i'm blushing...

mlhb

For what it’s worth, I agree with you all.

I was at a BBQ a while back and I sat back and watched how a group of people treated others that were less fortunate than them. It was really sad. I saw a few of the same group in a different setting and you know what? It’s true, what people do with you, they’ll do too you. And these people weren't very kind or considerate.

So, I guess I agree. People ought to be judged by the people they associate with.

But I suppose there might be some exceptions. I mean, look at the company Jesus keep. Even those that thought they were righteous thought Jesus was just like the ones he hung out with.

And MEDC; FWIW; why do anything different. I think you ought to let st know why you’re walking with the same eloquence and straight talking as you do here.

Blessings.

S&C

Yes, but Christ could not be tempted and was without sin...we need to be much more vigilant. Besides He had a greater purpose for doing that.

I know what you mean....BUT after what we have all been through, this is one subject I don't MIND being "overly sensitive" too....KWIM???

not2fun