Q - did u ever feel like giving up? I just want this whole thing to end, i don't want this pain

Did you contact your inlaws today?

Of course I did. And I still do, but I actually did give up. I gave it up to G-d.

I have no control over how this plays out. I am doing the Plans to the best of my ability, G-d knows my heart, but he has a plan for me. I had to learn to walk in FAITH and complete TRUST.

Am I still scared, heck yes. Do I want what I want. YES... But each day I get farther away from d-day and you are here and I want to walk through this with you, and Mimi is hear taking us on a walk through the flowers. Along with so many other people.

I'm fighting for my life as well as my M. Give up... Only to G-d. Because he is the ONLY one who can make the miracle happen.

(((Browneyes)))

Though you didn't ask me, I have to echo Queenie's stance. Yes, there were many times I wanted to give up, but look at your alternatives. Heck, even in recovery I have had my moments of doubt.

You will get through this. YOu have many good people on here giving your advice....(and Mimi, you kill me.....Brown, she will always direct you to the "plan" when you are down. and you know what? When you are doing the "plan" it does help to raise you out of your funk.....she was the same with me....).

Hang in there kiddo.....

not2fun

I tried ringing my in laws but they seem to be screening their calls and ignorning mine

Spoke to him today, he keeps on saying that i shouldn't love him bcos he has hurt me so much that he doesn't deserve my love. He said that he loves me but he is helpless n he can't come back.
He won't tell me why.
He says our time is finished
I don't know how to do this, i am finding it very hard

STOP LISTENING TO HIM!!

Well, when you listen, DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT HE SAYS!!

He is AN ALIEN!! He is NOT your HUSBAND!!

Please do everything possible to follow OUR DIRECTIONS!!

Read back over OUR posts to you!!

Send them a letter then....or if they live close by, go tell them in person......


now for the other stuff.....WHATEVER....standard WS textbook stuff. Mine was the same way. Oh, and when my Plan A was in effect and started working, then it switched to "Do you really think we can fix this?" and "What if we have gone down a road we can never return from??" and "What if you are right about everything??" (you would have to read my entire story and thread to understand that last one....he put many spins on the truth for a VERY long time....).

Point being, is don't listen to him. Or Actually, you need to learn to babble back. Orchid has an amazing thread on that one. YOu have to read it. I know it hurts, but once you learn everything it will become easier.

and I forgot to mention too, as far as Plan A'ing when ws doesn't live with you....honey, my WHOLE ENTIRE Plan A was done without him living here. I actually found it easier, because though I didn't have as many oppertunities, I did get the break of not having him around all the time. Plus the affair wasn't being thrown in my face constantly. Of course, our situations are different since my WS did not live with BOW...but still, its doable.....

Hang in there....and don't call him....actually I think you should not call him the rest of the day.......

not2fun

To do this will take ALL of the INNER STRENGTH and the TOUGHMINDEDNESS that you have...It's a MAJOR, MAJOR FIGHT..filled with many, many BATTLES that you have to BE PREPARED to WIN!!

I fully understand the desire to GIVE UP..because it is HARD...

I sooo wish that it wasn't.

NO ONE should have had to go through this...

But..IT IS WHAT IT IS...

I thought I was resilient, but this is really hard!
I just don't know what to say to him any longer. I don't know if he loves me any longer.

You haven't shared about your nationality.

Is there a language barrier?

The answer to this will affect how I respond to you because it seems that you are not GETTING a lot of what we are telling you, Brown.

My then WH used to hand me ALMOST this very same line.. same "PLOT", as you say, Brown...I thought there was some "deep, dark secret"....

Turns out it was his ADDICTION to her....

This is why we've been encouraging you to follow the MBers' PLANS..

You WILL NOT be able to TALK him out of AN ADDICTION..NOT POSSIBLE..NO WAY...

There is no language barrier, we are the same nationality but our mother tongues are different but that is the same case with OW as well. Difference is that she speaks the national language and i don't (well not that fluently). We mainly communicate in English.

Hi N2F - i keep on worrying that as he is living with her, he will never b able to leave her unless she does.
I didn't call him again, n he never called.
I went to a soccer match n spent most of it crying bcos i missed him so much

Why am i so rubbish at this? Why am i so negative? This is not me, and i am not coping.

TALK TO YOURSELF and tell yourself that YOU WILL COPE..that you MUST COPE..in order to FIGHT the AFFAIR..

Think how HAPPY it makes the OW for you to FALL APART since you hate her so much..

Think how EASY it will be for her THEN if you GIVE UP or HURT YOURSELF...

Where is your FIGHT?

FIGHTING is what is NECESSARY...

I have been where you are and felt your same feelings. Please don't hear that I am being insensitive.

In order to SURVIVE, I had to become the WOMAN that I am today.

What strategies have you used to COPE with difficulty in your past?

I am a fighter, but I don't even know why i am struggling. I need to block out what he is thinking.
I need to go back to remembering how i was b4 him, but it's been hard.

Please start caring for YOURSELF and developing your own life apart from your husband. YOUR Life is precious apart from him. You do not need him to live your life.

From the way you are carrying on, it is almost like you are ADDICTED to having your husband around. I know affairs are terrible but that does not mean you can not have your own great life going apart from whatever mess he is doing right now.

If you are addicted to him, it is unhealthy (an unhealthy relationship) from the start.

It is time you developed a satisfying life on your own apart from any man. That way, you will become resiliant and strong and when you meet another man some day, a nicer, more wonderful man, you will be able to have a good healhty relationship with him instead of this ADDICTION to the man you now have.

Please start filling your time with good things and people! Care for your precious self. For example i stick little heart stickers in my calander and write 4 or 5 things or ways I can care for myself each day! You are precious, dont forget to start learning how to care for YOU!!!!!

Please tell me what are 5 things you can do TODAY to show care for YOURSELF! Please think up these ways or I will suggest some.

Look at the bright side! You have no children and you found out in a short time what kind of man he is! Consider yourself lucky to have found out early.

When dating, I dated many men longer than you were married. It took LONGER for me to find out they had problems and that I did not want to create a life with them.

But you are finding out so early, you have so many choices here.

Have you ever dated before this guy and broken up?

This is what it is like, you will get over this man! You will be OK. Get some supportive counseling to go thru this and help you be strong.

Right now I feel the strongest thing is for you to be strong enough not to take him back. If a man cheats so early in a marriage, what kind of man does that! A terrible man.

Do you want this terrible man in your life much longer????

I would develop a life apart from him and get counseling to help you LET HIM GO>

You deserve better. Than this creep. Even if you seem to be addicted to or to love the creep, you still deserve better. You will get over this creep and someday wonder what you saw in him.

When you really meet the man of your dreams you will look back and just be in wonderment that you ever tried to make THIS marriage work with this LOSER!!!!!

I pray you LISTEN to STELLA....

Mimi - so do i give up on him? Is he not worth my efforts?

I am confused