I agree. And if your EX does happen to say anything about it, don't even bite. It'd be a long shot if he tried to challenge custody based on something so juvenile as that.

white knight huh?
i don't know if it is even that so much.
i don't seek out those who are needy... i usually find out after the fact.

i was truly attracted to his sense of humor, the fact that he was involved in church like i am, that we SEEMED to have similar goals. he did not exhibit his neediness until a bit later on, like after i already had feelings for him. that is when i saw the low lows he would have. the mood swings. the up moods and all is great then the low moods and the "i have no friends, no one cares about me, blah blah blah". i would listen, was available on my phone all hours of the day and night. was always there for him. i felt that that is what a good partner did. however, he did not always extend that same curtousey to me when i needed it.

i did go back to counseling and she helped me to set some boundaries and enforce them. such as, not trying to solve problems for him but saying things like "ok, so what do you intend to do about that?" etc... i started enforcing some boundaries and that did not always go over so well.

so, i don't feel that i am attracted to that type, and i don't find out that they are that type until a bit in. kwim?

so... i have chosen not to date since him until i am sure, really really sure about someone.

being alone does not bother me a bit.

mlhb

p.s.
i agree with everyone here.
thank you for the input. i am feeling much better.

myspace, juvenile games, who needs them!

I do all of my venting here so I won't be an Eeyore around everyone else.

How about instead of not dating you date with a healthy amount of skepticism instead?

We know that the first few months are hormone filled affairs. God designed us to be intensely attracted to each other so we could procreate. It's a gift, yet it's a curse.

Those hormones blind us and they have us put aside stuff that would normally make us go, "heck no, I'm not dealing with that!"

But the hormones kick in and we stay.

So date casually for a while. There may be a good male friend, for example, who you've known for years but have never thought of him as relationship material. But he's been your friend for years. So maybe you could take another look at him and say, hmm? Why not? I've known him for years. He's good with kids. He's not a bad looking guy. Why haven't I noticed this before?

Just a thought.

thanks pom, but there are NO men in my life like that.
i'm cool with it.

i don't have to have someone in my life. i am busy with kids and college and work and moving anyway.

i just got an email from my bff, a woman i actually met through exbf, her and her husband have become very dear friends of mine. i do not believe they have much, if any, contact with exbf any longer. anyway, i told her about this and she is flipping out! she like "that is sick sick sick! he is definitely serving satan and not god. i am so thankful you two aren't together any longer!" and she would have loved to have had me move down there too. we had made big plans. she is dumbfounded and disgusted.

oh well...
i am feeling better for having vented.

thanks again for all of the input.

mlhb

Unless he looked your ex up long ago when your ex had his OW on his friends list. Then again as you said he was looking for you and found her. Who knows what he is doing but any way you look at it he is at least pittiful. Let it go.

Who says you have to let on that you even looked it up?

How were you to know?

Stalker-twerp was told to get lost several months ago.

Your X isn't going to make anything out of it because there's nothing there.

Sleep well - you know how to eliminate the bad guys because your X taught you how to spot an unfit man so you eliminated the boyfriend too.

la

de

dah!

Sad thing is, I am quite sure I know what happened.

I GUARANTEE he still reads here from time to time to "check up on me", see what I am doing and saying. I know he has done it before because he told me he did. So I am sure that has not stopped.

He probably read my post about ow and my ex breaking up and saw that I had posted that they both had myspace accounts. He knows her first name and we live in the same town. He probably did a search for her name in this town and voila! He sends her a message. Looks like yesterday was the first time he ever sent one.

Sad and creepy that he would still read here a year after our major break up, and 6 months after I told him no more contact, no more chances, and blocked him. Creepy but not surprising. I had tried before to institute no contact with him thinking he would actually listen. Still got emails a few weeks later and a phone call about a month later, like nothing had ever happened. He has no respect for one's boundaries period.

I almost feel violated.

It is a new day and I feel better however. Not looking at their pages anymore as I said yesterday. It was stupid of me to in the first place. Curiosity got the best of me and got me.

Have a good day everyone.

mlhb

mhlb,

My ex reads my stuff too. It is scary that they can't let you go and feel they need to keep tabs on you and all you say.

Have you thought about dating casually with healthy skepticism? Go out for a while with a guy before letting anything happen and really get to know them or a good feel for them.

They'll show their true colors eventually. But if you're happy alone, that's good too.

Sometimes love finds us.

I spent almost 5 months communicating with this man before even meeting him. Our I would say most things (with the exception of a few red flags that I ignored)went well until Christmas. Things got kind of strange after that.

I am fine alone though.
Maybe once we get ourselves settled in with our move I might try to get out more and meet some different people.

I do find it very creepy that people who supposedly did not want to be with us anymore still feel the need to check up on us.
Most of the times we broke up it was because he wanted to. The last time is when I said ENOUGH and blocked all contact. I think he thought I would always be there to get back together with whenever he wanted to. I don't play that game. You either want to be with me or you don't. Period. I am not that someone you are with until something younger, or prettier or thinner or whatever else comes along. I am the first choice NOT the second one. Not the fall back one. I am definitely attractive enough and have enough going for me that I should be first choice, not the fall back choice. He has a hang up on young 20 somethings (he is about to be 38 and has a young child). For some sick reason he has to have that affirmation that he could have any woman he wants when the reality is, he can't. He is not all that like he seems to think he is. And any younger women who ever gave him the time of day were ones that just wanted some $$$ dropped on them when they didn't have any. He would always pay for everything for them and worship and drool on the ground they walked on. He sadly thought over and over agian that those young girls actually wanted to be with HIM but all they wanted was what they could get from him. When they were done using him, trust me, they were gone onto a boyfriend who was closer to their own age.

I need a REAL man not a pretend one.

If anyone knows of any, let me know!

mlhb

Ummmm, let me see if I can put a slightly different spin on this:


How about, "I need a REAL man who needs ME and ONLY me!



Larry

A REAL MAN who is not a weasle would be good Larry.

A man who does not need a damsel in distress because that is not me.

A man who appreciates a real woman who, even though they are blonde and a bit high maintenance, also has a brain and isn't all dumb and giggly.

A man who can appreciate a 37 year old woman and who doesn't feel the need to boost their ego (because they are confident in themselves and their own self worth and self esteem) by chasing 20 somethings. Who can appreciate my experience, my drive, my ambition, my heart, and my looks.

I am probably asking too much.

mlhb

What is your definition of "high maintenance"?