You really are doing AWESOME. The growth and ability to stay calm is building. It's great to see.

It's hard, but you are doing it. And remember, Mimi always says, it's OUR Plan. So have fun with it, be as creative as you like and keep the focus on YOU.

I'm going to keep after you on this.. TMTS did it for me and it helped.

What 5 qualities do you like about yourself?

You can make people smile? What else...

I make people smile ?? When did you figure that one out?
I am not a big fan of ME! I guess that is why H had a lot of fun, he always got a lot of attention and made me feel really tiny. :-(

No one makes you feel anyway but you. That's the beauty of learning about yourself. People are going to do what they do, but how you react, don't react or simply ignore becomes something amazing to learn. At least I think so.

I wasn't a fan of myself either and am still not. But if you and I are all alone and G-d loves us just as we are, we need to start honoring him by acknowledging those quailties he has given us. Which he has, because we are his greatest miracles.

NOW THINK......

And you make me smile.... and I would imagine it would warm your heart if you could see it.

{{{{{Queenie}}}}}
You are so sweet, your smile warms my heart n soul. I thought I had lost my way, but you've helped me back.

Guys, I am thinking.....how am I going to keep this Plan A going when WH is living with her, only speaks to me Monday to Friday and only sees me if I make contact. Most of the time I do the calling.
I don't know what to do

Plan A is only to be done for a short time. I would have to defer to the vets for how long. I did it for a LONG time, months almost 6 or 7 actually.

WH out of a year called me maybe 3 times. Seriously, I did EVERYTHING. The closest I got was one time I made him homemade fudge and brought it to him at work. That night he called to ask me if it was snowing at my place. The funny thing was, for him to get home he had to go through my town.

Other than that, there really was NO RESPONSE whatsoever. Mine used me up and threw me away like garbage. But I kept Plan Aing him because I needed to KNOW IN MY HEART, that I did everything I could do to fight for this M.

Send him an ecard. I did many of those. Leave messages on his phone. Mimi was very good at getting me to realize that I WAS THE WIFE. Not her. I called learned to call him at very strategic times, when I WANTED TO.

If what you do causes friction between them, good for you. Let OW LB by getting upset, etc.

If you can afford it, send flowers or something that would blow him away. Keep thoughts of you in his head.

Does that make sense?

Brown, I didn't do anything that wouldn't have happened with someone else. I just was lucky enough to meet you and now we get to go through this together.

Mimi did it. Not me, she is a master at getting us to focus on the plan at hand and make it our own.

You weren't lost, just misplaced and Mimi knows exactly how to get you to find your way.

Well, let's see I sent him an ecard once and he complained about me sending it to him at his office id. Now if i send it to his gmail id, then his complaint is that she would see it.


Well, phonecalls, ecards definitely upset her, but they also LB WH. She started calling me n threatening me to back off. He then stopped me from calling him, threatening to stop talking to me.


He doesn't like me spending money on him, i don't know i am going to have to think of new things but i just don't know what.
Sorry Q I don't mean to knock all of ur ideas, it's just that i hv tried n he just gets more n more annoyed with me.

Get on with your life.

Put him on the back burner. Don't call him. Let him call you.

And STOP thinking about him.

I know how hard it is. I went through months and months of what you are going through. Just tell yourself that he is gone right now, but will be back.

First, Is your HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, SMILE ON.. If not, WORK ON THAT... It's important. It's helps the mindset and our new way of looking at life. You HAVE to start looking are YOURSELF differently. STOP listening to that MONSTER or WANTING something from him.

My sponsor told me in the very beginning, hurt people hurt people. You are a thorn to him getting his fix and when you block him he'll get mad. Have you ever been around a drunk or addict when they need that fix. TRUST ME, IT'S UGLY.

Stop worrying about what you are doing is making him mad or not. You can't CONTROL him. Only yourself and this is YOUR PLAN. Not his. He doesn't HAVE A PLAN..

So how come the OW can call you? Have you FORGOTTEN, you are the WIFE.... You have EVERY RIGHT to CALL HIM WHENEVER you want. You to be STRONG and STAND TALL if you want your marriage, charge the OW with harassment. Think about it Brown, How can OW, living with your husband, knowing that your are the wife, be mad at you?

Let me tell you a little story. It was one of my finest moments. A few months ago, one sunny Saturday morning, when I felt empowered, I walked onto a lacrosse field with WH and OW there. I owned the place, because I WAS THE WIFE.... Imagine, here they are living in their dream world of WH introducing OW as his wife. How do I know that, well I started meeting people, because that's what I naturally do. First thing, the head guy asked me to keep stats on the game, of course I would... Then I met his wife and introduced myself as WH's wife. His wife said, I have changed. I asked her if we had met before, she said yes, then I apologized for not remembering, I did comment that I had lost a ton of weight and maybe that was the difference, but then she commented that I used to have black long hair. I laughed and said, NO, that was the mistress over there. I am the WIFE.... I told her that my H was having an affair and I was here to support him because he was having a midlife crisis. I walked around on the sideline as the loving wife, because that was who I WAS, and not WH nor OW could do ONE THING, because they were living the LIE, not me. I pushed her out of the picture and it FELT AMAZING.. EVERYONE, knew by the time I left who the WIFE was and who the tramp was. I learned from Mimi, that I was in WAR and I was NOT giving up without a FIGHT. I planted the seed to OW that she HAD to WORRY about ME, she would never know when and if I would show up and if I did, she couldn't stand with ME... I AM THE WIFE.... UNDERSTAND.

So HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, SMILE ON. We have work to do to get you to finish up Plan A with a huge bang, leaving AWESOME MEMORIES for H and then get you to Plan B. OK.

Brown, where are we with writing the letter to your in-laws....

You know Brown you are getting great advice.

sometimes you do things that you may not realise the results until much later, for instance I would call hubby at the FOW's house and of course caller ID he would never answer the phone if she was home so I would always start my message with "This message is for my husband please have him call his wife".

Several months after hubby moved home we where just talking and he mentioned how much that used to make FOW mad (AWWW), she would yell at him and ask him why I always had to say that, he told me he would just tell "well I am still her husband". Man that made me so happy when he told me that.

Also I started going to have dinner, lunch or breakfast with him while he was working, meeting the guys on his shift, just being a presence in his life. Of course word got back to her that I was there(gee that must have really upset her :D).

Like Queen said I am the wife, it was my marriage to fight for.

keep the faith, It aint over 'til its over kiddo.

LOL, I used to do that to, but when OW would answer, I would say, "May I speak to my husband please?"

I've never had a drink, so forget knowing a drunk. Hard to believe i know. But I guess it must b very ugly.


I can't write to them, don't know how to write in their language. I am actually scared of talking to them as the whole family is against me.

I want to do a good Plan A but don't know what to do any longer

Faith - i am going to keep on trying on the lunch, dinner idea.
People at his work don't know about the affair but I am definitely going to keep on going there more, so it makes it harder for them

You are all so lovely (Q, Mimi, B, Faith - all of u - I am blessed!

I think IT MATTERS that you are a different nationality than them. There may be some CULTURAL ISSUES that may be affecting this...

What language do they speak?

I am one and it's vicious. That's all they think about.

Can you get someone to translate a letter from them. Remember this is about YOU saving your M. Your doing what you want to and leaving it in G-ds hands for the results. What is their language?

When I would say this, she would get me to think about my H. Because I was the one who knew him better than anyone. What are things he likes? Food, candy, books, hobbies etc.

We are the same nationality ie Indian but speak different languages and I can't write any Indian language for my life. OW speaks the same language as me but also speaks the same language as them (which I don't very well)
I think they feel that as I am a British Asian I am going to be different than them. I don't know - i am guessing here

How was your relationship with them before this?

Is there a belief they have in arranged marriages?

Could he be trying to win the favor of his parents by being with her?

JUST WONDERING HERE about how come it seems that they find this to be ACCEPTABLE and the OW seems to feel so ENTITLED?