I can, BUT its rare (like maybe twice a year) and only in one specific posistion, and thats not always guareenteed. All my g/friends say outside stimulation is a better option.

another thing that makes it difficult is my husband isn't real big on foreplay.

Absolutely not! She doesn't need to FAKE one, for many important reasons. She needs to learn how to have one. The first thing is to get a physical exam from her gynecologist to be sure there is nothing physically wrong with her. She can have hormone levels checked, too, to make sure everything is OK in that regard. If it all checks out, then she needs to buy a good vibrator and find out what all the fuss is about. Beck, buy it by mail if you're embarrassed to go to a store that sells what you need. This would not include Wal-Mart or Walgreen's. (Are we allowed to say this on MB?) Once she knows what it is, and how to get there, she'd be a lot better equipped to help her husband help her.

I'm not buying his excuse. Hubby doesn't DO foreplay and spends all of his energy picking up hookers. There is something wrong with HIM.

His first marriage ended because he was unfaithful. His wife was too but he didn't know that until after she kicked him out. So I have to wonder if he can be faithful.

Have you tried different positions? My wife rarely reaches an O, and then only when she is on top, and controls the motion.

BTW, despite her infrequent O's, our sex is great - I can't keep up with her, and she's 50, also (I'm 53). We both just accept that is the way she is, and otherwise find how to please each other. I think your H is just giving you excuses.

What is also interesting is that our recovery after her A has progressed enough to the point where we're both becoming comfortable for her to show me some of the things and positions her former lover did (he was a real player).

Guess that's one of the things that makes me think he just isn't interested in me anymore. We used to try different things, last couple years, he makes it seem more like a chore he has to do. If I don't initiate things he won't. He takes Viagra. Used to anyway. Without it nothing will happen and he comes up with excuses for why he won't take it these days. I'm really losing all hope.

And he is in to hookers.

Uh, from a guy point of view, he is no prize. He probably likes porn too, which means that he is NOT going to have any appreciation for intimacy with his mate. Yuk. . .

And his last marriage ended how? If marriage were like applying for a job, his resume is awful.

Do listen to thnd. Besides being female, she has a high level of professional knowledge she brings to the table.

Larry

Just wish I didn't love him. We get along so well in every other way. We have so many same interests, if he didn't have Fridays off, he would never cheat. I've talked to my boss again about working from home on Fridays. He is working on it. I'm lucky to have such a boss. I know it's not a solution, but I really hate the idea of ending our marriage.

Seriously? It's just a Friday thing? Do you really believe this?

He cheats because he wants to. Not because you can't do the Big O. I'd bet if you did, it wouldn't change a thing. He's just making rationalizations.

BTW, take the advice to see the doc and then purchase a BOB. You'll discover what you've been missing (a wonderful God-given physical release to us women).

WOW>>>he has got you trained well! This is NOT your fault. First off...he sounds like a HORRIBLE lover...NO foreplay. Well...I am sure the ladies are lining up. No wonder he has to pay for it.

Bob is a good idea (funny, since that is my name!)....divorce is a MUCH BETTER idea.

I think that's the best example of BS-Fog I've seen in a long while...

I thought about that after I wrote it. Guess I meant that he wouldn't have time to cheat, not that he wouldn't if the opportunity provided itself.

Am I being dense? What's a 'BOB'?

a toy...usually kept in the nightstand!

I'm sorry for laughing when I read the above quote, because I know this isn't a funny subject or situation at all, but I couldn't help myself. I'd still like to clarify here, though, the exact nature of my "professional knowledge". Given my previous advice, if I didn't know what I am, I would've wondered myself just what kind of "professional" I was! Beck, I'm a nurse. I have been for almost 40 years. 30 of those years were spent in labor and delivery, and working with women's health issues. I've spent the better part of my adult life looking at, and manually examining, women's private parts. I'd be willing to bet a great deal that there's nothing wrong with your equipment. A good evaluation by your doctor can confirm that. If there is something wrong, without going into unnecessary detail on this forum, the chances are high it can be fixed, either by hormone supplements or a very simple procedure done in the doctor's office.

If there's nothing wrong physically, then I think 50 years of age is more than long enough to wait for a surprise visit from the Orgasm Fairy, who isn't coming--although you still may. You have a relentlessly self-absorbed spouse. In my opinion, he needs a visit from the 2x4 Fairy, but I wouldn't wait for that either. It's a long shot, but he MIGHT do what needed to be done if you yourself knew what it was and how to guide him. As it is, since you don't know how to get there yourself, and he's not willing to to assume a position of leadership, so to speak, on the journey, I think it you want to get "there" you're going to have to, ahem, take the matter into your own hands...

I can't promise he'll be turned on by your new responsiveness, but if he's not it will certainly expose his complaints for the feeble, lame excuses they've always been. DO NOT INTERNALIZE HIS CRITICISMS. You've been getting the short end of the stick for a long time. It's time to quit letting yourself be blamed for the inadequacies of the twig.

I assumed that! I'm not totally ignorant!
Just wondered if it was a particular one. Something special?

And if it's any comfort to you, after 39 years of nursing, including a stint in a prison hospital (where I learned a LOT of stuff I didn't know before), I don't know what BOB means either...although, like you, I could figure out what it was. Bring Own Buzzer? Best Orgasm Bazooka? I dunno...

Thank you, now I don't feel quite so naive. I do believe that a lot of our problem is that both of us are very quiet and shy. My first marriage lasted 17 years and during almost my entire 30's I was celibate. Left my husband on my 40th birthday. Long over due!! So I guess a lot of it is due to my lack of experience. Not trying to make excuses really, just think it contributes to why I've never gotten there.

Yes, you most certainly are!