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I would remove yours from that site as well. People can put two and two together....especially when your issue is a fresh item like it is over there. Just a thought.
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Hey don't give up yet! Sadly,these things are not usually an instant fix. If you read a few of the stories here, you will see people who went through multiple D-Days and lies, who finally had a breakthrough and are happily recovering or recovered. It doesn't usually happen overnight. Realistically, you will probably find out even more bad news via the "trickle-truth" method.
Stick around, develop a real working plan, and try to be patient. (And yes, I know that is difficult!) You will find prayer support and good suggestions here, and people willing to help guide you or be a sounding board. I'm sorry you find yourself in this sad predicament.
Do you think you might consider starting a thread with your story?
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Joined: Apr 2001
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introvert, it is understandable that you are distraught. Are you ready to calm down and allow us to help you develop a more PRODUCTIVE AND STRATEGIC approach?
The most important thing I see is that you must calm down and stop lambasting her. YOU ARE SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT. You are literally pushing her into the arms of the OM with your angry outbursts and your lecturing. Do you think that is ATTRACTIVE?
Why in the world would she want to be around a crazy man who screams recriminations at her and throws her out of the house?
Rather, our strategy is to help you attract her back and give her a reason to give up her affair. But you will never achieve that this way.
Are you ready to get to work?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Hey don't give up yet! Sadly,these things are not usually an instant fix. If you read a few of the stories here, you will see people who went through multiple D-Days and lies, who finally had a breakthrough and are happily recovering or recovered. It doesn't usually happen overnight. Realistically, you will probably find out even more bad news via the "trickle-truth" method.
Stick around, develop a real working plan, and try to be patient. (And yes, I know that is difficult!) You will find prayer support and good suggestions here, and people willing to help guide you or be a sounding board. I'm sorry you find yourself in this sad predicament.
Do you think you might consider starting a thread with your story? I started one in JFO. I copied and pasted it from the other forum. DDAY 1 was pretty simple...caught them in a hotel room by seeing credit card purchases in another town...liquor stare. I put 2 and 2 together, and the next morning she admitted that they had sex in the room that night.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Joined: Jun 2008
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introvert, it is understandable that you are distraught. Are you ready to calm down and allow us to help you develop a more PRODUCTIVE AND STRATEGIC approach?
The most important thing I see is that you must calm down and stop lambasting her. YOU ARE SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT. You are literally pushing her into the arms of the OM with your angry outbursts and your lecturing. Do you think that is ATTRACTIVE?
Why in the world would she want to be around a crazy man who screams recriminations at her and throws her out of the house?
Rather, our strategy is to help you attract her back and give her a reason to give up her affair. But you will never achieve that this way.
Are you ready to get to work? Yes, I am. It's just hard to concidering I was working on it for two months...just to find out that I was doind it under false pretences. But, I am ready now. Problem is she is on a NC order from the police right now, and I can't even speak with her. (see my story on JFO)
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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introvert, why not do a mod notify and ask the mod to move the thread here to GQ where it will get more traffic? JFO is a great board, but it is very, very slow.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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introvert, why not do a mod notify and ask the mod to move the thread here to GQ where it will get more traffic? JFO is a great board, but it is very, very slow. Isn't this GQ? I think I'm missing something lol
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Your other thread giving your story is over on JFO, though. Folks HERE need to read it and it is not here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Your other thread giving your story is over on JFO, though. Folks HERE need to read it and it is not here. Okay. I got ya. I'll ask a mod. Thanks for the help.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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We recently had an incident here where a BS was run off this board when his WS found his thread [a man with 4 children trying to save his marrage from an affair] and printed it up and took it to her attorney.
How did she find his thread? Some sorry, mean SOB from this board called the WS' THERAPIST and gave him all the information about the thread and where to find it. This is the not the first such incident where a despairing BS was run off this board because someone informed their WS or OP. Excuse me, Mel, but how could you possibly know all this? How could someone from here know the identity of another's therapist? This doesn't make sense 2 me, sorry. Let's not forget the Lino incident, either. Vigilantism on behalf of the BS, however well-intentioned it might be, obviously backfired in that case. We have alot of good, supportive anti-affair people here, but there are some sharks lurking in the murkier waters you have to watch. I don't read many of the threads here anymore - it's just counterproductive for me at this stage - but I don't know of any of these "sharks" you're referring 2. There are people who I disagree with or who disagree with me, but that's a far cry from something I'd label sharkish behavior. -ol' 2long
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I'm a little bit confused about the "sharks in murkier water" stuff, as well. What would somebody else's motivation be to ruin my marriage (or anyone else's) beyond the point that it is ruined already? It's just strange to hear such things.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Excuse me, Mel, but how could you possibly know all this? How could someone from here know the identity of another's therapist? This doesn't make sense 2 me, sorry. The BS himself told me after his WS explained to him last week what happened. In fact, the therapist in question DROPPED THEM as clients because an AOA lawsuit was being discussed and the therapist did not want to be called into court. So, not only did the BS lose this website as a support system while he was trying to save his family, but they LOST their counselor over it. Let's not forget the Lino incident, either. Vigilantism on behalf of the BS, however well-intentioned it might be, obviously backfired in that case. The only vigilante was the scumbag who went to the OM's website and informed him of the BS' thread here on MB. It is not "vigilantism" to expose an OP. I don't read many of the threads here anymore - it's just counterproductive for me at this stage - but I don't know of any of these "sharks" you're referring 2. There are people who I disagree with or who disagree with me, but that's a far cry from something I'd label sharkish behavior.
-ol' 2long I just gave you 2 examples above, I am sure there are more. And you are right, they are not "sharks," but much worse because sharks don't know any better. They are MONSTERS for exposing a betrayed spouse in that manner and causing him to lose his sole source of support at the lowest point in his life. MONSTERS.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm a little bit confused about the "sharks in murkier water" stuff, as well. What would somebody else's motivation be to ruin my marriage (or anyone else's) beyond the point that it is ruined already? It's just strange to hear such things. introvert, I guess evil knows no BOUNDS, but there are, in fact, people who are MEAN enough to do such things. There are people who DEFEND and support affairs and would like nothing better than to kick you under the bus. We had another man here who actually LOST CUSTODY of his kids because his WS came here and printed out his thread. I suspect some shark tipped off the WW and her OM to the thread. In the hands of crooked lawyer, much hay can be made out of plans to expose, file AOA lawsuits, etc.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What the #$%^ is wrong with people?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Excuse me, Mel, but how could you possibly know all this? How could someone from here know the identity of another's therapist? This doesn't make sense 2 me, sorry. I missed your 2nd question. The BS was asked on the thread if he knew the credentials of the therapist, and the BS, not thinking, posted a BIO from the MC website. It stayed up long enough for some slimeball to get enough info to make the call. The posters told the BS to remove the info and he did.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What kind of therapist would take that info and use it to help out his client? What a [censored] !!!
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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The BS himself told me after his WS explained to him last week what happened. Why did he tell you and not an a2rney or his own therapist, if this was so serious? In fact, the therapist in question DROPPED THEM as clients because an AOA lawsuit was being discussed and the therapist did not want to be called into court. That sounds like a responsible thing for a professional (not a lawyer) 2 do. So, not only did the BS lose this website as a support system while he was trying to save his family, but they LOST their counselor over it. Perhaps. Maybe they should have been discussing recovery plans with their therapist rather than lawsuits? The only vigilante was the scumbag who went to the OM's website and informed him of the BS' thread here on MB. It is not "vigilantism" to expose an OP. [quote]
And how would you know who the "scumbag" was? Or whether they had anything 2 do with MB? Because this is a public 4um, and because there were so many anti-OP posts 2 the OM's own business website, it wouldn't take long browsing 2 find where those rather numerous vigilantes came from.
[quote]I just gave you 2 examples above, I am sure there are more. No, you gave me hearsay. Nothing more. It would be dangerous and paranoid 2 infer that there are "more" sharks/scumbags on MB than these 2 alleged examples, when there's no evidence that the alleged scumbags are on MB at all. And you are right, they are not "sharks," but much worse because sharks don't know any better. They are MONSTERS for exposing a betrayed spouse in that manner and causing him to lose his sole source of support at the lowest point in his life. MONSTERS. Alleged monsters. -ol' 2long
Last edited by 2long; 06/04/08 11:43 AM. Reason: I got all the "quotes" goofed up.
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Let's not forget the Lino incident, either. Vigilantism on behalf of the BS, however well-intentioned it might be, obviously backfired in that case. 2 long, We don't agree often, but we see this one the same way. This board (actually a few over-zealous posters) did a great disservice to lino. He was one of my very favorite posters, and was severely damaged by the misinterpretation/misapplication of MB principles. Granted, a troll actually "exposed" the exposure, but given the history of a few of the more over-zealous, I think this "counter-action" not only could have, but should have been foreseen.
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Excuse me, Mel, but how could you possibly know all this? How could someone from here know the identity of another's therapist? This doesn't make sense 2 me, sorry. I missed your 2nd question. The BS was asked on the thread if he knew the credentials of the therapist, and the BS, not thinking, posted a BIO from the MC website. It stayed up long enough for some slimeball to get enough info to make the call. The posters told the BS to remove the info and he did. Okay, this makes sense. Dangerous thing 2 do, for sure. -ol' 2long
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No, you gave me hearsay. Nothing more. It would be dangerous and paranoid 2 infer that there are "more" sharks/scumbags on MB than these 2 alleged examples, when there's no evidence that the alleged scumbags are on MB at all. Of course there is evidence, in both cases. We saw it in leeno's case and in the most recent case, the WS and therapist attested to this very thing in the 2nd case. Even so, betrayed spouses should be very careful what they post on this site. There are some MEAN SOBs who read this site who would like nothing better than to see the AFFAIR win the day.  I'm sure the monsters appreciate your defense, 2Long. For me, I choose to defend the betrayed spouses and their children.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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