|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
in:
I posted 2 your JFO thread.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,414
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,414 |
MyRev...
I disagree. They have been married for six months, but they have been together for SEVEN YEARS. Regardless of the legality of their co-habitation, this is an long relationship.
Plan D seems like the wrong first step. I guess it is inevitably up to you to decide, but if you want to save your M and she is willing to try, it is possible to do.
If I had gone with Plan D because of the Drama in my M, I wouldn't be here today where I can happily post the new successes of my relationship with my H. Sure, we are early in recovery. Sure, it was a PAINFUL experience. But I think that it is up to you to decide if it is WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
Don't give up just because it hurts right now. Give up because you do not want a relationship with this woman anymore. Fair enough ... we have different perceptions. I did see where introvert corrected the date, so he has been M'd for 18 months, instead of 6. However, their relationship pre-M is of no consequence to me ... they were just people who dated &/or lived together for 5 years prior to getting M'd. That is not really material or relevant to the "betrayal" now. Given the circumstances, I'd still prefer to start over, but if you or introvert chooses otherwise, I will support your efforts. We all have to do what we think is best.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,071
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,071 |
Introvert,
Look at some other people's stories. Many of us have had multiple d-days. The decisions we make after hearing the new information is up to us, but wait a little. You are in the throws of an emotional upheaval.
I likened it to the death of my mother, only worse because my mom didn't die on purpose. It is extremely PAINFUL. You need to give yourself time to get through the initial shock.
Reading Surviving an Affair was really helpful to me. And reading the posts here.
I'm only a few months in (although my thread is pretty long). I am not a vet. But I have used this forum to help me through the shock and pain to where I could really THINK about what I wanted. I still THINK about what I want. Every day I decide whether or not I want to continue with recovery.
It is a process for BOTH of you. Give it time.
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
MyRev...
I disagree. They have been married for six months, but they have been together for SEVEN YEARS. Regardless of the legality of their co-habitation, this is an long relationship.
Plan D seems like the wrong first step. I guess it is inevitably up to you to decide, but if you want to save your M and she is willing to try, it is possible to do.
If I had gone with Plan D because of the Drama in my M, I wouldn't be here today where I can happily post the new successes of my relationship with my H. Sure, we are early in recovery. Sure, it was a PAINFUL experience. But I think that it is up to you to decide if it is WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
Don't give up just because it hurts right now. Give up because you do not want a relationship with this woman anymore. Fair enough ... we have different perceptions. I did see where introvert corrected the date, so he has been M'd for 18 months, instead of 6. However, their relationship pre-M is of no consequence to me ... they were just people who dated &/or lived together for 5 years prior to getting M'd. That is not really material or relevant to the "betrayal" now. Given the circumstances, I'd still prefer to start over, but if you or introvert chooses otherwise, I will support your efforts. We all have to do what we think is best. I'm not sure I understand what difference this makes, but to each his own I guess. I loved her as much then as I do now. If that weren't the case, then I wouldn't have married her.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Listen to hicktownmommy.
I read a post similar to yours on SI.
I did not check it today. The WW's there are starting the process of that WW getting to be honest with her self.
Do not panic, your WW is acting normal for the course during the withdrawal period.
The WW in that case if following the outline hicktown laid out.
WW's to not come out of the fog at the drop of a hat.
It is hard for you to go through this because you need every thing to be healed now. You need to feel secure that your WW is going to go NC and stay married.
There is 6 months for WW to defog. Then after that for you to go through an anger phase. Through in a half dozen D days.
Recovery takes 2 years minimum. Easy to say stay calm. You have to your best at it though.
WW's do not want to be honest after D day. It hurts them to admit what they did was wrong and it will cause further hurt for the BH with the details. Easier to say it was one night, then 30 nights.
At this point the WW can not see why the whole truth is needed by the BS.
Last edited by TheRoad; 06/04/08 12:34 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 346
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 346 |
This thread is about helping introvert in Marriage Building. This thread will be locked if we don't get back on topic. Please keep your posts helpful and productive to introvert.
Thanks for your cooperation.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,071
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,071 |
don't want to t/j...in needs the help...just wanted to say that it's awesome that we can share even when we have differing opinions.
Last edited by hicktownmommy; 06/04/08 12:31 PM. Reason: shortened t/j so as not to cause trouble
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554 |
I'm not one to say that the piece of paper in a relationship really makes that much of an emotional difference when something like infidelity happens. It's not the piece of paper... it's the VOWS that you both make. It took just 1.5 years for your WW to break the vows that she made, ones that are supposed to last you both for a lifetime.
ManInMotion
===========
(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
in:
I posted 2 your JFO thread.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
got it 2long...thanks. Sorry.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162 |
I just wanted you to know that your wife has admitted to the others what the OM told you. She is very remorseful and wants to reconcile. They are making her own her[censored] over there
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162 |
you're welcome..I'm just wishing that everything turns out the way you want. I visit that site quite often and I see a lot of people heal over there as they do here. Please be patient and don't give up.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
273
guests, and
28
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
