LA and cat,


If you would please email me directly from now on. I will no longer post on MB because Mel is using her gorilla tactics to I believe to be manipulating my wife into her beliefs and posting my thread comments into the one she started to talk to my wife. It's a shame I can no longer post here because of Melodylane. I will not stand for what I feel is being attacked when I'm trying to make changes, understand things and work towards a loving relationship with my wife. gorillaml@yahoo.com

I would use the ignore feature but she sunk to reposting my posts and using them against us working out things.

Thank you and its sad it had to come to this.

No, ezb...I will not email you.

I have a boundary...I don't email men.

I understand you're choosing to believe you are a victim of another poster.

You are not.

You can put the poster on ignore, for your own good...so you are not distracted and reactive.

Hey, I've done that battle. I don't miss the jabs. I just don't choose to jab back.

Be the hero you are of your own darn life. You are that powerful...and that limited. Embrace your limits.

I hear you saying, "This isn't what I expected on MB. Not how I expected it to go."

Other posters can repost, quote, etc...(but not from locked threads, nor can she link to them)...respect they choose. They also bear the consequences.

You cannot control what others do...you can't control tactics. You can choose to respond, not react.

You are stronger than this. Notify the moderators (click on the button on the bottom of your posts "Notify").

May feel like looking away from an accident, your fear choking you...do it anyway. Look away. Because it's the right thing to do.

Hey, and I was in the ROUTINE of making myself a victim...so I remember that urge (goes to the blameless quest I post about)...and in doing so, I betrayed myself often.

When I stopped...focused on my actions from my code of respect...then I finally got to see the strong non-victim and very human person I really am.

The view is breathtaking, ezb...take it.

LA

Oh, wait...that is another TOS violation...I forgot. Last year, I quoted ML from another thread in my post on someone else's thread. I was instructed to edit it out and apologize...we cannot quote others' words without their permission. I remember ML said something like, "If you want to talk to me, call me out. You are NOT allowed to use my words as an example."

Isn't that what she's doing with your wife?

LA

Very understandable.



To be honest I wasn't really expecting anything other then to understand things better and work on intimacy and meeting my wifes needs.


How can I lock her out of mine? Will putting her on ignore make it so she can't see mine and twist my words?

Yes she quoted me in the other thread without my permission and I have notified the mods. Thank you.

You cannot lock anyone out of your thread.

When you put someone on ignore, you will see that they posted and not what they posted. No, it will not prohibit her from seeing your posts. You cannot control others.

I repeat because this is a great lesson about respect, IMO.

You are giving your power to someone else...it remains yours. Stop taking her posts to be about you...what we say and do is about us. It truly is.

Now that I reminded you of that...I reminded me. I am going to edit my previous post.

LA

We're not allowed to email members of the opposite sex here. Please continue to post to do the hard work we all need to do. You cannot exclude anyone from posting on your thread; these are public forums, after all. The only thing that can happen is that if someone does something not allowed, they can be banned from MB. You can put them on ignore so that you have no idea they are posting on your thread, except for the fact that other people might respond to their posts.

I hope you'll listen to LA, though. She has said some powerful things, is one of the most perceptive people here. And I think she has the right of it that you are now at a crossroads, your wife coming here was for a purpose. It has allowed us some insight - true insight - into your situation, so that we can ask you the tough questions so that you can heal and improve. And be honest with yourself. 2x4s hurt, but they help, too, if you let them. Be bigger than that, ezb. Don't just run away because it's not fun any more; that shows poor character and actually harms you in the long run. This is the one time in your life that you need to rise above that and do the hard work.

Thank you both again.

Ok let me state that I only said i was curious about it. That did not mean i had to do it. He took it upon himself to start it. And during that whole 2 1/2 years he took the things like attention and affection away on purpose.

I did listen to his feelings on it because everytime I tried to express mine all we ended up talking about where his feelings and what he wanted. My feelings were never understood.

It did start with just me but only with the woman and nothing more. Then I felt pressured into doing more even against my better judgement and beliefs. It was the both of us when he wanted to. I never had any say in that part. It came down to I could not even suggest doing anything else because I knew he would not want any part of it. I had to wait for the things i wanted/needed tell he was ready to give them.

LA,


Do you feel she eluded most of your post? Just curious .

That's right, Cat...thank you for including the option the moderators have to ban for TOS violations.


Listen to Cat on this...she's terrific with seeing a poster's intent...and you can bank on her words coming from her intention to help. She's wise and true, IMO.

You can do this, Ezb (there, I capitalized your darn screen name). You are as capable as any of us here...you're equal.

This is the journey, if you choose, to take to EXPERIENCE life in equality, in respect. Always was...may not have felt anything closely like it.

LA

Please do not speak for me. And as I said earlier in this post that I have given it up. Being exclusive has nothing to do with it.

I am also not omitting any fog here. I am simply stating my feelings and views on what has happened. And trying to get some help for it.

You're welcome.

I believe you may have posted this info before, but my brain isn't bringing it up for me right now.

Would you please tell us how long you've been married? How long together beyond that? Any children?

Appreciate your help.

LA

I hear you placing blame solely on me, is that correct? Fog. I feel this began as an enthusiastic agreement between us.




I hear your feelings on that. Would it be possible that at that point resentment started to settle in?



Do you not hear me saying I never felt you listened or shown consideration?


I have expressed my concern greatly for this feeling I gave you and I have made changes to correct that.

I will not talk about a poster in the third-person.

Check your belief on respect and see if it's respectful for you or not to do so.

Helps us to see our motives, act from our highest honesty.

Remember when I suggested Alanon, Ezb? They have a great rule...no crosstalk. Now, on MB, we definitely do that...you post, I respond...I post to you, you respond. Even then, there's double the perceptions, perspectives, reactivity...'cuz there are two people.

Speaking directly is respectful. Choosing to not speak when you are reactive is respectful. It isn't, though, if you don't own your own reactivity, state what you're doing, and why, and for how long.

Breathe. Breaking patterns can make you sweat--break your patterns anyway. Changing your dance to align to who you really are...what you're living from...determines where you will be and how you will experience it.

LA

Bunny,

I'm not ignoring your posts...I just don't know to whom they were directed. They were both in reply to ezb as far as the "in response to" feature says.

LA

In mid to late summer of 2001 we started talking online pretty much daily. We met for the first time Dec. 15th in Bowling Green on a brisk but beautiful day. She moved in with me on Jan. 31, 2002. We were engaged a year later and married on the most beautiful day of the year Sept. 13, 2003. It was perfect weather and my wife did a glorious job on planning things, I was very proud. We have no children together but I have 3 from a previous marriage.

Is it not possible that if I'm saying I feel you have not said that then it was not communicated in a clear enough way?
I understand you do not believe being exclusive has anything to do with it but if I'm asking that does it deserve a non answer and why would you think I would be asking that?

we have been together 7 years with going on 5 years being married. we do not have any children.

That is fine.

Please feel free to ask me anything.