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I didn't say that.
But you know how useful it's been on this thread.
-ol' 2long
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She even (in a very emotional and apologetic state) asked me to marry her...again. I think she realizes that she is responsible and is owning her [censored]. This is a sign she wants a reset button. There isn't one. The invitation for sex in the vehicle is an attempt to restore intimacy but does NOT necessarily mean she is ready to give up outside interests. It could just be that she is making sure her backup plan is still in place. Maybe even she doesn't know which way the wind is going to blow. Morals, standards, ethics, self esteem, are all words that indicate behavior in various positive ways. I believe that she is looking for a leader in those areas based on what you say. So it would seem that it is up to you to set boundaries in your relationship if you want to continue with her. So do it for BOTH of you. Rutting in the back seat may work well for your ego to reclaim your male position in her mind, but given the NC order, it doesn't go a long way to setting boundaries of conduct, does it? Do keep in mind that the betrayed also live in a fog for a time, just like the adulteress (adulterer). So you have to watch yourself for signs that what you are doing and feeling are real and not memorex. None of what I have said is meant as a 2X4. I just intend that you think about it before you do something impulsive again, if you are so inclined. Good start on talking to the Harleys. Larry
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She even (in a very emotional and apologetic state) asked me to marry her...again. I think she realizes that she is responsible and is owning her [censored]. This is a sign she wants a reset button. There isn't one. The invitation for sex in the vehicle is an attempt to restore intimacy but does NOT necessarily mean she is ready to give up outside interests. It could just be that she is making sure her backup plan is still in place. Maybe even she doesn't know which way the wind is going to blow. Morals, standards, ethics, self esteem, are all words that indicate behavior in various positive ways. I believe that she is looking for a leader in those areas based on what you say. So it would seem that it is up to you to set boundaries in your relationship if you want to continue with her. So do it for BOTH of you. Rutting in the back seat may work well for your ego to reclaim your male position in her mind, but given the NC order, it doesn't go a long way to setting boundaries of conduct, does it? Do keep in mind that the betrayed also live in a fog for a time, just like the adulteress (adulterer). So you have to watch yourself for signs that what you are doing and feeling are real and not memorex. None of what I have said is meant as a 2X4. I just intend that you think about it before you do something impulsive again, if you are so inclined. Good start on talking to the Harleys. Larry Thank you...thank you....thank you...thank you.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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introvert,
Wow, as you can see you will get all kinds of responses sometimes. Reading through all of them I think you can pick out what might be helpful to you.
Obviously, making sure you do not contact her again is useful. Most courts don’t like having their orders disobeyed. They will prosecute. Here in the US they charge the person with “Contempt of Court” and slap people with jail time to teach them that you don’t mess with the court system.
Second thing is to make it your first priority to call (get on the phone) to set up your first appointment. Once the appointment is set it may start to calm the roller coaster ride you’re on. In part because you now may feel like you have a bit of control over the situation.
Third. I have read some of what your W has posted on the other board. It seems like she is getting some good info there. Don’t bother going over there to check. If you do it keeps you from doing what you need to get done for yourself. That’s what you want to focus on, the changes you need to make.
I don’t remember if you have picked up any of the books by Dr. Harley or not. (His Needs/Her Needs, Surviving An Affair) There are other books that might be helpful. Torn Asunder by David Carder. Read them and understand what they teach. Also, keep reading about the tools on this website.
I believe from what I’ve read so far that the two of you have a good chance of recovering. Both of you seem to have a desire to fix your M. The real question is; "Are both of you patient enough to work through the process and get it right?" I don’t mean just having sex. That is not the litmus test for a good M. As you go through the process, you will understand what a good M is and how to get there. Patience is the key for you here.
BTW – There is an ignore feature if you do not want to read responses from certain people. But I will say that most of the time, they do have a nugget of gold in what they offer. You just need to get around the delivery system.
Now, if you haven’t yet, step away from the computer, call the Harleys and get an appointment right away.
God Bless.
S&C
No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Brooks Adams
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Thanks S and C
I believe what happened last night may be attributed to "hysterical bonding"...but at a huge risk...I'm aware of that, and I won't do it again.
Question though. If the NC order was not in place and we ended up in the same situation (having sex so soon), would it have caused such a commotion in these forums? I thought hysterical bonding was a normal reaction to infidelity for some people.
I just ordered Surviving an Affair from amazon (didn't notice the book store here)...oops.
I did email for a phone session, but you are right...I'll get to dialing right now to speed the process up a little bit.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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introvert, If the NC order was not in place and we ended up in the same situation (having sex so soon), would it have caused such a commotion in these forums? I thought hysterical bonding was a normal reaction to infidelity for some people. Probably not, at least not from MEDC. Any police involvement usually gets his attention (no offense intended MEDC). He's pretty knowledgeable 'bout that kind of stuff. I guess it qualifies as part of your 15 hours per week, but unless it's a mutual EN, only goes so far in recovery. On the other side of the coin, "hysterical" usually indicates lack of control at a high level. And as you now know, the two of you cannot afford any more lack of control. Hope you were able to make that call. Blessings. S&C
No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Brooks Adams
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Question though. If the NC order was not in place and we ended up in the same situation (having sex so soon), would it have caused such a commotion in these forums? I thought hysterical bonding was a normal reaction to infidelity for some people. That depends on the situation. Without question medc, who has law enforcement as a profession in his past (maybe present?), reacted in that way. My reaction was to wonder if there had been STD testing after the last SF with OM. I can't speak for anyone else here. My take is that SF should come after STD testing and WITH some sort of the beginning of reconciliation and the start toward restoration of intimacy. The reason for my take on it is that women - not saying yours or anyone else's - have a tendency to bribe males with SF. As addled as a BS is within their own fog, the last thing that is needed is meaningless SF based brain spasms. I forget which of the more than a few wise women who provide advice on this forum said it, but the words of wisdom boiled down to; "Men who screw up give flowers, women give head, and either one could be just covering up. Or not as the case may be." Larry
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The problem I see is that you are already referring to her as a former WW. And she is not. How many days ago was she with the OM? The only thing that has changed is that she got caught, was put out of the house, and has shagged you twice in the backseat.
Her only post today was about feeling better being "alone". That is pretty much what they all say while they are carrying on their affairs.
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My apologies Larry,
You are right, the STD should always be an issue after an A.
And I agree with believer in that your W hasn't earned her "F" yet. That will take some time.
S&C
No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Brooks Adams
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Well, here's hoping that you didn't go back for round two of breaking the RO tonight.
You really need to settle into a plan. Have you done any cleaning or exercising?
I know you are anxious to talk to the Harleys, but you can start this without them. The first thing is getting centered and caring for yourself.
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Thanks for the advice guys. I am referring to her again as WW, because as I stated in another thread....she broke NC last Saturday.
I went for a run with my dog tonight. The cleaning thing is every day anyway. I have our house up for sale, so cleanliness has to be done, even if I don't want to. I swear after the house sells I'm not cleaning it until I move out.
Anyway, I emailed the Harley's today...then called and left a message. When I got home from work there was a message on the machine saying that my email was blocking the one in response that they are trying to send. I'll have to figure out the problem in the morning, and get that appointment booked.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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I have set up a monday phone session with the Harley's for WW. Tuesday will be my phone session.
I feel like such an idiot for going to this extent to try to R, when she still seems to have the need to have contact with OM. Am I an idiot for doing this for her...us?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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introvert,
Use this time during the NC order to get your plan into place, to do your reading, to find some alternative ways to release your frustrations, to take care of yourself so that when you do start R with her, you won't have any more angry outbursts that get in the way and create this distance again. Perhaps this NC order is a blessing in disguise. Let it serve it's purpose and respect the law.
Listen to what S&C has said to you and notice that the approach was calm and step by step. Do one step, then the other. Try to stay focused, I know it's really hard. Don't spread yourself so thin that you go crazy.
Prepare so you can ACT and not REACT!
BS(me) - 40 FWH - 36
6 years of discovery. Now - one day at a time....
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introvert,
Ya done good!
Does WW know that you scheduled a session for her? Were you able to ask her if she wanted to first? The reason I ask is because you don't really know what her mind set is just yet. And there is a possibility that you setting the appt. without her permission my be seen as controlling by her. Since I don't know her mind set either that is just speculation.
Personally if it were me, I would take the Monday one and give the Tuesday one to my WW. That way; whoever you set the appt. with will have some info before they talk to your WW and you have an idea of what will happen during her session. Just a thought.
BTW - The reason to have a plan in place is to help when you want to react. You may want to do one thing, while the plan might tell you to do something else that is more productive for you and the M.
Make sure you spend more time reading on this sight than posting right now. Knowledge is power.
Blessings.
S&C
No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Brooks Adams
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introvert,
Ya done good!
Does WW know that you scheduled a session for her? Were you able to ask her if she wanted to first? The reason I ask is because you don't really know what her mind set is just yet. And there is a possibility that you setting the appt. without her permission my be seen as controlling by her. Since I don't know her mind set either that is just speculation.
Personally if it were me, I would take the Monday one and give the Tuesday one to my WW. That way; whoever you set the appt. with will have some info before they talk to your WW and you have an idea of what will happen during her session. Just a thought.
BTW - The reason to have a plan in place is to help when you want to react. You may want to do one thing, while the plan might tell you to do something else that is more productive for you and the M.
Make sure you spend more time reading on this sight than posting right now. Knowledge is power.
Blessings.
S&C I called the Harley's, and the lady from the Harley's emailed her the information. Then, about an hour later WW's friend emailed me to tell me that WW is very happy about the phone session on Monday and is looking forward to it. she said WW is pretty much willing to get hit by a car for me right now (I'll consider the source when hearing stuff like that though...it's hard to take seriously right now). Funny you mention the plan. WW's friend says that WW is working on a "plan"...she is obviously around this site somewhere.. 
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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If your wife starts reading on this site, you will lose your privacy in your posts. It is no big deal, and happens quite a bit, but can hinder you getting advice.
But with her coaching with the Harley's, I'm sure she will turn up sooner or later.
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introvert, I called the Harley's, and the lady from the Harley's emailed her the information. Then, about an hour later WW's friend emailed me to tell me that WW is very happy about the phone session on Monday and is looking forward to it. That's a good response. she said WW is pretty much willing to get hit by a car for me right now (I'll consider the source when hearing stuff like that though...it's hard to take seriously right now). Assuming the friend is the source, do you have any reason to doubt her friend? If not i'd be optimistic about the news. If course it's the follow through that's important. Actions will speak louder than words. Funny you mention the plan. WW's friend says that WW is working on a "plan"...she is obviously around this site somewhere.. Or she is trusting the people at the other board and they are helping her with a plan. Now your plan is to read up on as much of this stuff here as you can, so when you have your session, you will better understand the tools yo will be given. Sound good? Blessings. S&C
No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Brooks Adams
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I'm reading...thanks 
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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