Excellent!

Make sure it says that the children cannot be exposed to OM and seek supervised visitation for your W because of her physical incident with your son.

See if you can establish CS from her.

You're doing great!!! There's no way that removing your 2 y.o. from the only home she's ever known, and putting her into foster care, is in her best interests just because she isn't biologically related to you. Discuss your W's threats with your lawyer.

Also, do you remember posting this awhile back:


Have you looked into this any more?

Apparently, our state's NEW AOA law has not yet been ratified...oh well!

Anyway, I just had a GREAT weekend with my 3 kids. Movies, eating out, swimming...we just really enjoyed ourselves and pretended that everything in our lives was as it should be! We hardly discussed WW, her name was only mentioned the FEW times she texted our daughter. My son still refuses to take her calls or respond to her texts...she never once spoke to the baby.

As for me...I was COMPLETELY DARK! You guys were right: Out of Sight, Out of Mind! I am at a MUCH better place emotionally now, I don't even want to hear the stories about her that others try to tell. I have accepted that I must go on without her; I have done all I can do to open her eyes!

As to the adoption, our M informed me on Saturday night that she had spoken with WW very sternly about the consequences if she were to do ANYTHING that might jeapordize this child. She said that WW agreed to hold off until after the adoption before initiating any legal action.

It is frustrating in a way, because my hands are tied too. Even if I file for seperation, I know she will in turn start a battle over the kids...kids that don't even want to see or speak to her right now! Regardless, I will do what I must to insure that this adoption is pushed through.

When a child is being adopted it is in it's best interest to go to a household led by a mom and dad.

I think that being you and your wife can not provide this it's time to back away from adopting. Especially when you know the state does not want an adoption to happen if you are divorcing.

To delay action by your WW to not rock the boat and do any thing to stop the adoption by the state is fraud.

You are doing fine ....

I posted to you very early on this thread about the foster/adoption issue. You've made wise choices thus far, and I trust your judgement.

carry on

Pep

Road...you could NOT be more wrong. There is NO fraud here. Adoptions in my state is FULLY aware of this situation. You actually think it would be best for this child to me removed from the only home she has ever known???

Basically, she has had 2 mothers walk out on her now in 2 years! She will grow up knowing that at least 1 person (ME) refused to take the easiest path and give her up!

Maybe you aren't aware, but, in my state alone, there are currently over 3200 children in foster care. Less than 10% of those kids will ever be adopted by ANYONE. You can't really think that me putting her back in the "system" is best! She's now 2...her chances of EVER being adopted fell exponentially after her first birthday. People that foster with only plans to adopt are generally looking for an infant to take home.

I do agree that, in a perfect world, ALL children should have both a father AND mother present in their home. But I refuse to punish this child for the unethical acts of the first two women in her life that should have nurtured and loved her. This may not be perfect in your eyes, or mine, but this IS what's best for this child under these circumstances!

I agree with this 100%. You're doing great.

I agree too. At least she will be with someone who wants her even with all the difficulties involved.

Just an update (notice the longer these things draw out the less people seem interested?...including me!).

The kids had a visit yesterday...not too much drama. She stayed at her dad's with them, so there was a buffer zone.

They are supposed to go again this weekend, though my son is still adamant that he's not going to.

Hopefully, I can just keep the peace until after the adoption...then I'll see what I can do to keep him from HAVING to go.

Do you guys really think a judge will FORCE him to visit?

12 year olds normally have their own say in things.

I'm sure he'll find a way to make a stink on his own if he has to go.

Arguably, you have no visitation agreement so he doesn't have to go.

Unless it's a court order, you don't have an agreement.

I realize that we don't technically have any court ordered agreements, but I'm stuck a little because of the adoption situation.

My attorney advises me to encourage him to go...but I think eventually WW will tire of dealing with him.

The pace slows down from the frantic days of exposure, but there are still lots of people here supporting you ab3



Good plan, keep your eye on the ball with the adoption

Yup Ab,

I'm here along with many others waiting for updates and looking to help when needed.

You seem to understand what the plan is and your goals. Of course you could vent a bit more and lots would come out to console you. We're good at that.

Or if you just want to chat, many are good at that too.

When does the adoption go through?

It will probably be at least 1-2 more months...LOTS of complications surrounding that as well. Dad has voluntarily relinquished, mom did 19 months ago...but the court won't accept it because DSS didn't notify her lawyer and have him present. Trying to get a new relinquishment signed from a woman with no working telephone numbers and 8 addresses within the past year!

Could life be any better???

AS to WW...not much to update, I'm remaining dark. She HAS ATTEMPTED to break the silence on several occasions, but I won't budge!

Abandoned,

Hang in there. All of this will pass.

God Bless,

JL

AW3,

Lots of us are out here reading your updates. You're doing great!

Alot of these issues will die down, like visitation...because like you said, she'll get tired of dealing with it. Especially when she doesn't get a reaction from you.

Are your kids out of school? What kind of fun adventures do you have planned for them over the summer to keep all your minds off the chaos?

Plan B does get boring b/c you've removed yourself from the DRAMA of the A.

Plan B offers you peace, not excitement.

But, we're all interested in how you are doing. We are all rooting for you, willing to encourage, sympathize or offer any advice we can.

Keep posting, and you'll get replies.


Good man!

OT: Are you familiar W/ G.A Henty?

I think your son may really enjoy reading his books. Lots of adventure, and a fun way to learn history.

LINK TO GA HENTY BOOKS

I've read several of his books out loud to my kids (both girls and boys.) I'd stop at the most exciting parts and laugh when they begged for one more chapter.... Always leave them wanting more.

Of course Treasure Island and Pilgrim's Progress were also favorites to read aloud too.

Anyway, just a thought, summer reading is fun fun fun, especially when you share a great classic together.

I knew you guys were still here...I just checked out for a few days. TOO MUCH DRAMA, I needed a break from it all, THANK GOD for Plan B!

The kids and I will be together almost ALL summer. Since I work from home, I keep the two oldest here with me most of the time.

They do have a couple of camps to attend, and we will take a vacation together at some point...maybe with other family.

Baseball All-Star practice starts today fot my son; of course, I'm coaching as well. We have a few tournaments coming up later this month and next.

My son is a voracious reader, I'll check out the books you recommended.

The oldest two still don't want to go tomorrow. I asked WW (through M) if they could return home Sunday at 9:30am to go to our church. She refused, saying they will go with her. Honestly, they're emberassed to go with her...they know EVERYONE knows what she's done (small town). Wouldn't you question why a single woman suddenly showed up at your church with three kids? Especially if you knew her husband?

Oh well, we'll get by until after the adoption. The two oldest kids understand what's going on...and what's at stake (their sister!).

The kids are off for their weekend adventure.

They weren't happy about it, especially when M told me that WW wanted to now bring them back at 3pm Sun rather than 1pm. That's 2 less hours we can get in the pool!

Oh well, I plan to go golfing in the morning, then put brakes on my SUV and mow the lawn.

I may actually go out for dinner with an old friend (female) tomorrow night. Opinions???

Nothing serious, just a meal with a lady who left an abusive marriage 6 months ago. Of course I realize that is only her side of the story, but she knows my situation (she heard and contacted me) and that I'm not looking for a relationship.

I have mixed emotions about it. I can still decline, but it would be nice to actually carry on a conversation with someone different in person.

Let me know what you think. I'm seeing both sides of the equation, and haven't yet really decided what I'll do.

I AM still Plan B...but I'm not holding out much hope at this point for R. Honestly, I think WW will seek R just about the time I go to Plan D.

WW did tell M to ask me if I thought we could be friends again. Of course, I said, "not at this time," but I can see where the silence is getting to her (M said so too). She wants a friendship with the man she screwed over, but is adamant that the marriage is over. Do you guys think she's trying to convince me or herself?

Yikes! Red flags for me....

Is there any way you can turn it into a "group" dinner out? If not, I wouldn't do it. Too much vulnerability there not to mention that your WW will use it as fuel for her own justifications.

Cancel.