Happy Father's Day, pom and bow!

bow, my mom says twins skip a generation. She says my grandmother's generation had a couple sets of twins. It sounds like your family follows that pattern too! Cool!

pom, I look forward to hearing your news when it is cleared to tell us.

I baked the cake last night for Sally. Put a coat of icing on it too. I'm learning that it's best to let the cake totally cool before applying icing.

So I'll do a little repair work tonight, decorate the yellow rose on it, and prepare to give it to her Thursday night.

I got her a card that has the cast of Friends on it. It is basically a message on friendship and you open the card up and it plays the chorus from the theme for the show.

So I hope it sends a good message. I figure I'd give it to her and then ask her out for the weekend.

So we shall see on ALL fronts!

Awww...that's so sweet, pom!!

I don't know about the other ladies but if I had a friend or a..."friennnnnnnd"....that baked a cake for me I'd be tickled just as pink as the Pink Panther!!

Charlotte

It's done!

I made the cake last night and decorated it today.

I texted her and told her I had something I needed to bring by for her for Thursday night and was hoping she could see it.

So I took it over with a card. I put aluminum foil over it to cover up the rose I decorated on the cake. I painted (with icing) a yellow rose on it. I wanted to put a red tip on it, but didn't know how to blend it.

Anyways, It was a while cake with a yellow rose.

She told me to bring it by, not knowing what it was, of course.

Well, I left it for her at her doorstep and drove off. I texted her on the way home and texted her that it was at her doorstep.

She called me on the way out and she told me I could come back for a piece if I wanted one. I felt bad because I had been cleaning my house and didn't look all that great, but she said she didn't care.

She was waiting for me outside when I pulled up and she gave me a tight hug.

She was there with her roomate and her rm bf. It would have been nice if they hadn't been there, but that's ok.

We sat and chatted a bit.

She was cutting the cake and said, "I've never had anyone bake a cake for me before, while she was cutting it."

I went outside and she followed. DD6 called at that very moment. I answered, told her to wait a sec, and gave Sally a hug. She squeezed me tight and said thank you.

She texted me when I got home and said, "Thanks again for the cake. That was very thoughtful of u! I'm blessed with great friends!"

Sooooo.......

I guess we'll see where I stand with her from here out, but I think she got the message because I told her in the card that I wanted to thank her for letting me borrow the cake pan and make something for her so I could see her smile. I told her she looks really cute when she smiles.

So I hope THAT sent the message I was intending to send.

I feel it was a big hit.

So that's good.

My therapist said I looked good tonight (emotionally) and thinks I'm handling things very well. She likes the shift in my positvie outlook on things and how I'm focusing on other stuff (like Sally) despite the stress of what's happening with exww.

I guarantee that she got the message you were intending, and I'm telling ya, you stand in a very gooooooood place.

She likes you and she knows you like her. Enjoy this dance, because she is.

I've never played this game this delicately. It's usually been a "Hey, I like you" and it's obvious kind of thing.

The women I've been with have been from eHarmony, so dating was kind of understood when you met. After meeting it was either "yes I'm interested" or "no, I'm not". So there wasn't a whole lot of guessing.

This has been a totally different ball game with Sally. I've been going out with her on friendly dates since Januaryish.

Always friendly. Always out for a coffee or something light.

We did meet in DivorceCare and she was very fresh out of her divorce. Her H cheated on her. She was with him for 10 years and married for 2. That was one year ago.

She didn't handle things like I did. She was strong. She threw his butt to the curb. Not saying that she wasn't hurt, because she was, but she was strong in dealing with him and with the rejection.

I think she's a bit afraid to open up to someone right now but I think I put a crack in that wall. I sure hope so anyways.

So I'm going to ask her to go out this weekend somewhere and I think I can open up a little more. We'll see.

New subject:

Did you see my earlier post where I announced my good news?

DD6 has been approved to stay at her current school. This is HUGE news because it changes things in my case.

I've made a settlement offer and I hope she takes it and we can end this, but I don't think she'll accept what I offer because it calls for 50/50 either now or in one year.

I want to end this and move on with my life and let my ex go on her own path so long as I can stay involved with my kids. Putting this behind me will really help me move forward with my own personal healing.

Ah yes, I saw your good news! Congrats on the decision that DD6 can stay in her current school. The continuity is good for her, and I'm glad it strengthens your case. I hope your WW accepts your settlement offer.

Re. dancing the dance vs. eHarmony:
With eHarmony, IMHO you are put in the position of making a snap decision - to date or not, to continue or not, at every step. It's like you are "test-driving" the other person. You both know why you are there, and you are in "interview" mode.

Outside of something arranged (by a computer program, a yenta(sp?) or families) then you observe someone in real life, and you may start feeling an attraction... and vice versa... and so you start observing them a little more... you get to know each other as friends... (you find out if they're a creep or not!) it just seems to me a much *safer* way. And much more romantic.

IMHO it is enjoyable. Savor it, and let her do likewise.

You're doing great. A single yellow rose, wow! It's especially cool that you had to do some minor repairs - it took some effort, it wasn't like you are a pro at it.

She called you up and invited you back in. Even with her roommate. She hugged you. All is good!

Those dog-gone pandas need rescuing again.

I don't want to throw rain on your parade, but it's possible that reference to "great friends" might be a subtle hint that, while she's thankful for your thoughtful gesture, she may want your relationship with her to remain at the "friendship" level. Of course, if that is the case, her opinion might change in the future...

I think you should count your blessing you're free of that nutjob.

I thought something similar after getting that text. I'll see how things play out over the next few days. She seemed very happy about what I did and did squeeze me tight before I left, but we'll see.

I feel it's given me enough of an opening to be able to talk about things a little more freely with her.

I don't know how she could NOT get the message when I told her in the card that she's cute when she smiles.

So.....we'll see.

I have a lot more confidence about things than I did before, but time will tell.

I certainly feel better about offering her my arm the next time we're out and about together.

I think she's comfortable with baby steps and sees that just because I offer her my arm and she takes it doesn't mean I'm expecting her to stay the night and marry me two weeks later.

I'm happy to go sloooooow. Good things come to those who wait. There is a big difference between a turkey you nuke for 3 minutes and one you cook for 4 hours. The one cooked for 4 hours tastes much, much better.

Or perhaps wine would be a better example. Fine wine takes time to age. Drink it prematurely and it isn't as good.

I really like the slow pace. It's good for me too.

I'm nervous about her as it is because I sort of put her "out of my league" in terms of the quality of woman I'm use to dating. She's smart, good looking, in decent shape, and a great catch. Me? Well, I still have some work to do in the gym and I'd like to think of myself as a good catch. I think I'm much smarter about relationships now thanks to MB.

I'm just not use to dating women of her caliber. All my past relationships involved women who had some sort of major issue or another. Ex fiance was bipolar. Exgf had substance abuse issues I didn't know about. Another ex was cheating on her boyfriend with me (I didn't know it). My exww had/has massive issues of her own (besides being an entitled wayward).

So meeting a woman who is independent, supports herself, has no massive traumas, values religion, and values marriage and marital vows is a huge thing. I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but she's the kind of woman I want to end up with. That's why I'm happy to go as slow as she needs to.

Not all is gloom and doom regarding my case. I had a meeting recently and it went much better than I had anticipated. I had imagined that all was lost and that things weren't going to go my way at all, but that isn't the reality in the least.

I won't go into the particulars, but things aren't as hopeless as I thought they were and there is a very good reason to hope.

I do hope that the exww does come to her senses, however, and sees that the schedule that may be imposed on us is much worse than one we could come up with ourselves.

I'd LOVE to go into details, but exww reads and saves and plots my posts to use against me. Or she's at least going to try.

I'll write more later when I have a little more confidence about things.

But the message is that there is very good reason to hope. I'm definately in the ballgame at this point. Basically, it's the 4th quarter and the game is tied with about 10 minutes on the clock. Things could go either way.

Mods, I just wish to say thanks for changing my title.

Now, new developments.

Good news about Sally: I was starting to wonder if she was interested at all, but she's seemed to have stepped up her invites to me recently. There was a band playing tonight at an outdoor place near the movie theaters. It is a band called The Reagan Years and all they play is 80's stuff.

Well, we were planning on going as a group and invited many of the people in our divorce group to come. She and I are the only ones that decided to go. I was sitting at home and just figured she'd meet me there when she called me and asked me to join her and her friends for dinner. So I rushed out there and joined her and her friends. We had a nice dinner and a really good time. We listened to the music, talked a bit, sat on a bench with her friends when it was all over and talked some more.

We parted ways with her friends and she offered to drive me to my car. I accepted, of course.

She said she'd call me or talk to me tomorrow, so I'm pretty happy about that.

I really think she is indeed interested but likes the very slow pace we're taking. I sure hope so anyways.

I want to find the right time or moment to take the next step. It won't be anything dramatic. I'm simply going to offer her my arm when we're walking somewhere.

So we'll see.

ON to the legal news:

I've made several settlement offers to my exww. I went so far as to offer to give up all the legal stuff and allow the best interest attorney to be the arbitrator in our case and agree to whatever decision she came to.

She has declined it all and I'm still getting deposed Tuesday.

C'est la vie. Darth WHNACG gets another stab at me.

There have been things that I've learned recently, however, which will affect my approach to the dog and pony show they're going to put on.

So I'm not stressed about that stuff anymore. In fact, I'm much more confident that I will not be reduced to an every other weekend dad and a paycheck.

So we'll see what happens. I'll post in greater detail at some later date. Exww and Darth WHNACG read my posts, so I won't show my cards right now.

In the end, I'm a happy man right now. Positive thinking leads to positive results and I feel that my life is on an upswing. I feel that my rights as a father will be protected and I have the budding stages of a possible romance which is going at the perfect pace with exactly the type of woman I've always wanted to meet. So keep your fingers crossed, say some prayers for me as we move forward, and hope that the best thing will happen for my kids and I.

Well, the cat is out of the bag. I had a long day with Sally today, but long in a good way.

She was upset a few days ago. She's been separated from her ex for one year, and has been officially divorced for 2 months. She's still processing all of that.

The day after she got the cake she was crying. She doesn't want the ex back, but is going through triggers, much like I did and still do to a lower extent.

An example: I always find the Disney commercial where the mom is looking on the internet at prices for a vacation and the kids get all excited and they all plan to go. It always makes me think about how I should be doing such things with my family and kids, but am where i am instead.

She has similar triggers. We don't desire to return to our exes, but seem to still mourn the loss of our families. For her, she is grieving the dream of where she thought she'd be right now, which is still married and with a baby on the way.

So she was struggling with that and i realized that she is not ready for a relationship, as much as I wish she were.

We were talking on her porch today, and the opportunity came up to say something. I told her that I enjoy spending time with her and being her friend, but admit that I am interested in more.

She thanked me for being open and honest. I also told her that i understood she's not ready and that I have no expectations.

She said she wishes she could shake the numbness she feels and the fear she has to open up to someone else again.

I was understanding and listened.

I went home and felt relieved to have told her.

We met up later for dinner and we had a really nice, long meal with a good talk.

I've decided that she knows how I feel and that I will lay off of putting any pressure on her and will be there as a friend.

If this ever happens, it will be a long and slow process. I'm going to keep my options open, of course, but I'm not actively looking for anyone and am not signed up on eHarmony.

So that's where things are. I'm a little disappointed, but am very happy I have it out there and told her.

She seemed very happy to continue to go out and hang out, so that's a very good thing.

Time will tell and good things come to those who wait.

Suggestions?

Yer not out, there's just been a delay of game.

See, if this had been eHarmony, you'd be out. If things aren't going to move straight to M (or whatever the consenting adults had in mind) then like a job interview they just move on to the next in line.

If you're willing to wait, she may become ready at some point... and there you'll be, the guy with the mostest deposits in her love bank.

Or you could be in the "friends" category forever. Yes that does happen. (Why is it that when you're single, you can be a friend and want to be more and it just doesn't happen; but if someone's married, way too often someone who is "just a friend" becomes too much more?)

So don't close any doors just yet. It's good to know that she isn't expecting you to be more than a friend. i.e., to have eyes only for her. If someone interesting comes along you are free to get to know them too.

I still think this has been good for you, good for your ego and morale, good too see you enjoying life.

I think that the fact that we had a long dinner afterwards speaks well for her approach to me.

I don't think I'm out as a possibility and I do know that telling her what I have does plant a seed in her head because of her personality.

She's like me in some ways. She doesn't react to something right away and she does chew on things a lot. So her REAL reaction may come in the next few days.

I'm still thinking she'll want to stay as friends, but you never know. She's visiting family next weekend and I'm sure she'll bounce things off them about lots of stuff.

It has been good to go through this. I like how it was a slow process and how it built up and how there is still a chance. We live next to each other (relatively) and it is good to keep making those deposits.

Sigh.

My ex has rejected every offer for settlement that I've made. She's trying to say that I lied to the school system to get the waiver for the school and is going to try to use that against me as well.

Battle. Battle. Battle.

No sight on the big picture, which was a real chance for us to settle with our DD6 staying at her school and both her and I staying involved as a part of their lives.

Instead we have her and her attorney's calling the director of the school and getting copies of my application, etc.

So now she's damaging the relationship with the school officials and dragging them into this litigation, destroying goodwill and trust by making accusations instead of just letting things be and seeing that this waiver is a real opportunity.

I think Darth WHNACG is making things worse. He probably doesn't want to give up that $400 an hour paycheck by encouraging my ex to settle.

I tell ya, if I was paying a lawyer $400 an hour and he then didn't know something as basic as how many hours he's limited to in a deposition I'd fire him or ask for a massive discount.

Anyone feel like adding a joke of the day?

New subject:

I laid off on sending Sally any emails or texts today and she texted me in the evening, wishing me luck for my deposition.

We texted back and forth and finally just chatted on the phone.

I have a good feeling that things will go ok if I'm just patient. So I think that's a good sign.

I just need to keep exercising, losing weight, and hopefully be able to one day get her attention.

The good news is that my work clothes is fitting a little better. Not a ton, but enough to let me wear some pants that were pushing the limit.

So back to the gym tomorrow morning.

Deposition Wednesday morning.

Sigh. More money down the drain so that a man that doesn't know basic rules can buy a new car.

Was there any doubt that she was going to reject your offer? Keep fighting the good fight.

WOW. She is still a piece of work. Good news about Sally

Off to my deposition this morning. Young Padawan faces the Sith Lord Darth WHNACG, who will desperately try to turn me to the dark side. He underestimates the power of the light side and the MB way!

Good thing mom is in town.

Things will be so much fun today!