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DS15 told me that he had spoken to WH about living there forever and he oked it and said DS15 must discuss it with me.I calmly replied that it was ok with me and we'll talk about it on tuesday when he comes home.What do I do?I can't stop him... Your poor heart! Stay calm. DS15 is trying to 'be there' for his dad. This is expected. DS15 is trying to 'man up' .... he is not trying to leave you. Boys this age need the masculine influence more than ever before. The child torn between 2 parents in a divorce situation will mostly choose to live with the weaker parent - the parent whom the child feels needs their love. Remember, "forever" to a 15 year old is about 15 days! Your response to this hurt you feel can teach your child a lesson about overcoming adversity. "I understand completely. You can't live with us together, so a choice needs to be made. You are welcome here with me - anytime. When I miss you - can I call you?" Breathe - stay calm Pep
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Thanks guys...I think by saying "I will speak to my lawyer...."it will show WH I'm not going to deal with this emotionally but diplomatically.
What do I do about DS15 wanting to live with WH?He doesn't even like OP and her eldest son or so he says...He is a very emotional kid...
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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Is there anything going on between you and your son?
ETA...any particular conflicts/issues?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Thanks Pep..I'm going to use your words when I see him on Tuesday.Its hard not to get emotional though..These kids don't deserve to have their hearts torn apart like this..
I keep thinking of WH when his folks divorced..I was with him at the time and he was 18.The split was nasty and it affected WH terribly,he always said he would never put his kids through that.....
I know DS18 is going to be angry with him...at the start of the affair DS15 gave WH a very hard time...he was also WH favourite although he won't admit it.So WH will be pleased that DS15 wants to stay with him..don't know how OP will feel.
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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Mimi things have been fine between us,he has never liked me mentioning WH or OP and he would shout at me to not mention them if I did..wan't often though.
DS15 was angry with me when I said I wasn't going to let WH loan money..DS15 said I'll be preventing WH from making money and then he won't be able to give us money.Also that I will then force us to sell our home.To him I am causing problems when things could be hunky dory if only I'd let WH have the loan.I'm the bad guy!!
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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I would let son know that you are not comfortable with him living with the adulteress, but he is old enough to decide where he lives. I agree with Believer. It's not a NORMAL divorce situation. What his father is doing is IMMORAL and SINFUL (according to my belief system). I would be concerned about him living in that environment at such a formative and delicate age.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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He doesn't even like OP and her eldest son or so he says...He is a very emotional kid... Oh, I get this! "her eldest son" is getting to live with DS15's DAD while DS15 gets to VISIT his own DAD There is a very subtle competitive thing going on here here. "This is my DAD, not your dad." I predict a future pissing match. Can you see this? Pep
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DS15 was angry with me when I said I wasn't going to let WH loan money..DS15 said I'll be preventing WH from making money and then he won't be able to give us money.Also that I will then force us to sell our home.To him I am causing problems when things could be hunky dory if only I'd let WH have the loan.I'm the bad guy!! Do you get the sense that this is coming from your WH or your son's own thinking or a combination of both?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mimi I agree with you completely..
At the beginning of the affair DS15 insisted on spending alternate WEEKS with WH and myself..I was devastated...It lasted about 2 months...It made WH life difficult with taking and fetching from school etc.Anyway DS15 didn't like OP telling him what to do,also the kids had to go to bed much earlier than he does at home..he couldn't watch his tv shows!!
I don't think DS15 has thought this through and is being stubborn...I just don't need this right now
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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If it was ME, I would use all the MATERNAL POWER that I have to try to RESCUE my son from this. It will take lots of FINESSE but I would use everything in my POWER, knowing that I did everything that I could do. Your son needs to BELIEVE that you have given him A CHOICE. You need to give him the message that you RESPECT him (as much as you really need to RESPECT a 15 year old-GAG). But, use whatever MESSAGE that you can to keep him SAFE with you. I just would hate him having to LIVE in the DEVIL'S LAIR...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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.Anyway DS15 didn't like OP telling him what to do,also the kids had to go to bed much earlier than he does at home..he couldn't watch his tv shows!! You see, USE THIS!! I would remind him of this. "You're welcome to go. I understand you wanting to go...but what are going to do about your TV shows?"... Remember to PLAY IT COOL with him..CALM and COLLECTED but MAKING YOUR POINTS... Mimi..having a text conversation with her OS right now about a CONFLICTUAL ISSUE..
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Sometimes it is just one thing after another. Expect hubby to put lots of pressure on your son to get you to respond. And I'm sure he is being the father of the year right now. But this will never last. I would just stay completely out of the drama.
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Mimi I think its a combination of both.DS15 said WH told them they can come and work with him when they leave school!!I think WH is so filled with guilt over losing his lob that he has gone overboard glorifying this new venture.
Pep I think you are right about jealousy seeping in....DS18 has said that theres nothing wrong with her kids and that DS15 "causes trouble"DS15 says that her eldest who is 16, "tries to order him around"
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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I don't see you being in the drama. I see you SAVING YOUR SON, if you can. To me, 15 is YOUNG these days...15 is the NEW 11 or younger...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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DS15 says that her eldest who is 16, "tries to order him around" They are too close in age - the competition will be massive. We can now refer to that place as " CASA DRAMA"Hang in there mama Pep
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They are too close in age - the competition will be massive. My thinking on this is DIFFERENT... They SHOULD not even be IN COMPETITION..they are not on the SAME LEVEL... Your son's pain would be IMMENSE, living in that situation and FULL WELL knowing that... He's not even his STEP-SON. He's just SOME GUY living with his father... Like I said, I would do everything I could to SAVE MY SON from that... YUCK...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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WH will be the father of the year now...He will not want to look like a failure in his sons eyes.WH never got ANY recognition from his own dad no matter how hard he tried..to this day he doesn't make contact with his dad who BTW lives in the States.
DS15 has reached that stage in adolescence where attitude is a big deal...before he would give me lots of hugs and kisses not anymore...only for the girls!!!LOL
DS15 said we were fighting too much...we WEREN'T fighting about anything,his just very angry at me.
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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They SHOULD not even be IN COMPETITION.. I agree - should not but, they are, unfortunately [quote]Like I said, I would do everything I could to SAVE MY SON from that... YUCK... DS15 is visiting his Dad - the competition is already happening I do not think DS15 should go live there either - but the child has a choice - to influence that choice is reasonable but there is still the competition even if DS15 lives with Mom Pep
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I respect both your opinions on this...
I don't like the fact that DS15 will be around OP or that he will be hurt terribly while there.I will try my hardest to disuade him..but if he goes I'll tell him he can come home when he feels like it.Pep I agree,there will be fights.In the past when DS15 would tell me about incidences between him and OP or her eldest,I would ask what did WH do and he would say NOTHING.
Once DS15 called WH mom by mistake and OP turned to him and said "you can call me mom if you like!!"DS15 told her he wasn't speaking to her!!
DS15 also doesn't like seeing them being affectionate either.
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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DS15 has reached that stage in adolescence where attitude is a big deal...before he would give me lots of hugs and kisses not anymore...only for the girls!!!LOL
DS15 said we were fighting too much...we WEREN'T fighting about anything,his just very angry at me. BEEN THERE DONE THAT..remember those days well..now combine that with the fact of his father having left and living with another boy...YUCK..YUCK..YUCK..Poor baby... Like I said, HOPE, I would do my best to try and TALK HIM OUT OF IT without him knowing that you are doing that... Don't get ANGRY back at him... Let him know that you are speaking from your LOVE for him.. Even let him know that YOU NEED HIM..if you have to use that... If it were me, I would try to SAVE him FROM THAT PLACE...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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