Primarily, you go to the play for your child. Whatever triggers you encounter, you brush off your shoulder, like a pesky fly. Construct a visual for yourself. Make OW and WH into some sort of pests. Get a mental fly swatter & do your thing.

It may help to bring another adult with you. Someone with "stare power" .... I'd go with you if I could I have a scary stare, one that I can turn on & off at will. :eek:

If OW or WH need to be stared down, let the other adult do it for you. Your own personal stand-in.

If you need to, take a half an Ativan, keep the other half in your pocket.

Pep

Thanks, Pep.

I will 'imagine' you sitting right next to me....

I am acquainted with a few parents and will try to 'keep busy'... while 'brushing off' WS and OP...

...will DO THE WALK.... will DO THE TALK... to keep my heart PROTECTED!

I am up in Canada....what's an Ativan? ....anti-anxiety? ...anti-pain? ...will a Tylonol do?

anti anxiety

just a tiny amount to keep your heart from jumping around

Pep

Well...

The 'major triggering' I was expecting tonight....DID NOT seem to have happened!

Chatted it up with other parents....and I wasn't even FAKING IT!

In fact, I knew WS was there... and I never even had the URGE to look for him 'indirectly'...

I don't know if the beer I had before going did the trick, but I did not really experience any anxiety.... as I was expecting too...

Guess this is where working on my myself and TIME... seems to be paying off!

WOW... I was really surprised...

...and this is actually going to be helpful....like a 'trial' run before tomorrow's mediation session....

I was going to try and LOOK OK....but I now actually feel I AM GOING to be OK!

TO all newbies....

It's TRUE.... it DOES get better....

Just HANG in there!

Well...this is weird.

Having mediation session with WS tonight...

...and I seem to be quite UPBEAT spirit wise...

...I totally don't understand this...but I am liking it...

...it's better than the anxiety-ridden state of mind I was EXPECTING to be in!

...if anyone has any ideas about this... I'd appreciate knowning about how this works...you know...if I am in some stage or something...

...I totally don't know what to expect tonight...and usually when faced with the UNKNOWN - AND- WS.... I would normally go into a tailspin of some sort emotionally....

Go figure!

...cont'd...

...the only thing I can come up is that I DID receive the tax return making things easier financially... (but it was not a total surprise... I DID expect it to come eventually and was counting on it already)

...I guess the 'timing' somehow makes it somewhat special... one LITTLE less worry...and boom...

...I guess it could be like the straw that broke the camel's back... in REVERSE!

....and NO.... alcohol or any drug would not explain it as I haven't taken any... except for my usual 'one-beer-watching- anything-on-television-break' last night...

...maybe because the triggering wasn't as bad as expected last night at DS12's school....maybe because I am seeing a TURNING POINT...

...just maybe this is what it's like when a deep WOUND has started to heal!

WOW!

I guess...will see with time where this takes me!

Mornin,

My brain is in overload this morning. I can't get my thoughts together right now as a lot is going on in my head.

But, I want you to know I am praying and here right along side you today. I am so happy/grateful that your heart and mind are doing ok and that you are coming to a "place" where you can be resourceful and take care of yourself. Since you are my leader in healing so to speak I can't say what emotions are going on inside of you, BUT I can say it's awesome to watch you blossom and process through this phase of what'a happening.

There are a lot of people on here cheering for you. G-d has his protective blanket over you. I believe in you, what you have learned to take care of yourself and know that you will go and come out of this mediation the winner regardless of what truly happens.

{{{{{{{{LUNA}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Queenie,

Thanks for dropping by and your support.


Geesh, Queenie.... I am going to over to your thread and see what's up... sounds like you're feeling down a bit...


((((((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))

HI, I wanted to say that I'm not sure what the upbeat spirit is about either, but I experienced when it was tiem to go to court for the final date to end it all...

THEN, a few weeks ago, I think it HIT me and I'm still trying to pull myself up...realizing I'm still pretty angry with POWS over a lot of things, and somewhere in me I still expect him to do the right thing by MY book and not his...

Still have alot of hurt from the crap that he did and most what he did not do...like be there for me when I needed him to be...

I'm mad that I am having to do Life on my own right now and could use the help but have to remind myself that he didn't really help when he was around...still wish that he would wake up and be the person that I need him to be but KNOW better than that...

So I was happy with the D...finally ending it all...I guess it's just more to grieve...part of the process...a year to get over every five years that we were together? Like the books say, well, i want to know when did that timeline begin? HA!

I think that you are exactly where you need to be and that you are doing well, but if you should get in my position know that it's okay...

S4B,

Thanks for the input.

Well...I guess given the length of time I have been in Plan B, it's about time that I be able to detach enough not to REACT to WS.... because I could not have been more proud about how I handled myself in the mediation session...

I was honest...firm...clear...in control of my emotions (in the sense I did not resist but acknowledged and accepted them as they arose), listened to WS but did not JUDGE.... and believe me plenty of accusations were thrown my way... but I stayed C A L M and ON COURSE!

Next mediation session in 2 weeks... as I move forward to A NEW LIFE... it may not be what I had envisioned...but I will be just fine!

YES, INDEED!!

Thanks, Mimi.

Way to go Luna!

You've come such a long way I'm sure you will thrive when all this is over!

Yeah, I know, Pep.

I can't believe it myself!

I could actually SEE WS's attempts at power-struggle.... and I managed NOT to bite...just stayed out of the game!

...and after 3 yrs of not exchanging directly with WS... I could clearly SEE the language being used.... DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA!

...the protection provided by the boundary put in place by Plan B is nothing short of....EMPOWERING...in a major way!

FAN-DANG-TASTIC LUNA!!!

Plan B works, my friends. 'nough said.

Yeap, SL,

Like any BS, I had a tough time 'swallowing' the idea that Plan B would do the trick... but I had nothing to lose... I WAS A BASKETCASE! ...and soooooo down in the pits... I had nothing to lose....and willing to TRY...ANYTHING!

...well...it did...it does....it will...

...Plan B allows the 'mental space' needed for BS to get 'centered', and in my case, I now wonder if I ever had been before!

...and I am telling you....just try to get me off-center NOW....

...nope....not moving....

....centered....grounded....balanced....detached...

...you can give it any NAME you like....

...bottom line...it means....

...KNOWING that you are responsible for CHOOSING/CONTROLLING what/who comes into your world...

...and BOY!.... the 'stakes' go up a zillion fold...

IF.... BS is convinced that being ALONE....is better than being in a R at any COST!

...and so I may just end up being ALONE...because the ticket to admission is: honesty... authenticity.... intimicy.... honesty.... authenticity.... intimicy...

...MANY of us CRAVE for it... but the courage and committment it requires is not so appealing.... and so, MANY may SETTLE for less!

...I say, please don't...we have one life to live... let's give it our ALL!

or....uhmmmm... as SL puts it:

I don't know. I think that whole 1 year for 5 is a bunch of bunco. Everybody is different and for me it's been like grieving for a lost loved one who has passed on.

And really, it's like Jonesy died and there is only Mr. Gray now so it makes sense.

I counted my grieving period as starting on D-day. That was pretty much it, he found someone else even though I didn't die first from my illness.

I can understand it in a way and I don't hold any anger towards him or her. The whole exposure on Brave New World day did wonders for me!

I don't know if he will come sniffing around as believer says he will after the A ends. Right now that's my greatest fear! LOL!!

Anyway, just my .02 on the grieving. In my case anyway.

Charlotte

I have to give you your KUDOS too! Great job, you ahve come a long way! I can clear see the change in your posts!

WAY 2 GOOOOO!!!

Rin

Luna,

Proof enough for me to be convinced - I'm staying in Plan B!!!