This afternoon,before DS18 went to his dad,we were chatting and I asked him if WH wanted
to come back should I let him.He replied"don't even think that way,dad won't run away from this problem..he won't come back"I just agreed with him..he knows I want WH to come home.

I don't think as far as reconciliation..although it would be a wonderful way to end all this.
You don't know how much this chat has helped me..you guys put things in perspective while I'm thinking emotionally all the time.
I feel so much better about my DS15 now thanks...his my main concern..
Unfortunately I don't think the affair will end in 3 months..I will be shocked if it does!!but very happy!!

EXACTLY, HOPE..

We're advocating for you to STAND STRONG and to do whatever YOU can do...

My YS, 5 years ago, said that he HATED his father and would NEVER speak to him again...

But there's a GREAT BIG PACKAGE from HIM sitting on the kitchen table waiting for my husband..I was on the phone with my H yesterday and he says: "Gotta go..that's "YS" calling me back..." WOW!!!

Mimi that great to hear!
A while ago DS15 told me he had seen OP's EXH and he actually thanked EXH for telling his mom (me)about the affair cos if he had found out he would have killed his dad!! EXH replied,laughing "that wouldn't have been a bad idea"
Pep,I will use that mantra...

I feel so privileged tonight to have 2 of the best helping me!!I really do appreciate it.I am smiling again no more tears!!

I am a really slow typer,thats why it might seem I'm a bit behind in the conversation!!

type with your toes - that's what I do - that way I can eat and type

Pep

I nearly spat a mouthfull of tea all over the keyboard..you are so funny such an intelligent sense of humour!!
I often wished I had done typing at school but I was more academic and typing wasn't for us!!!such snobs we were..little did I know how handy typing could be...what with computers all around us..I work in a pathology lab with human specimens but I do get to work on computers but its more numbers than words that we use...

I was just thinking...its so much easier to give up on ones marriage...no more heartache or rollercoaster ride...
When I "hooked up"(as my kids would say!)with that guy 6 weeks ago...NO I didn't sleep with him although it was close!!!!.....it was nice to feel wanted and like a woman again..I thought WH's doing it why can't I..even if we do get back together again!!We can convince ourselves of anything if we try hard enough..LOL.
My morals and beliefs are what stopped me in the end..but boy was it close..HA,HA
Anyway,as I've been told here by Believer 'theres plenty of time for that after I'm divorced."

I will hang in there for what its worth...I will go down fighting...

There you go..I like that..

When I first came here, I never thought jthe affair would end. My ex left and never looked back. And he and the OW seemed to be living in paradise. But it DID end, just like they all do.

The trick is to stay detached and let the consequences fly.

A good Plan B will keep your love safe. And keep you out of the drama.

And I WOULD take a mini vacation if son moves. You need some "me" time.

As for typing, I'm an expert. My dad forced me to take typing in HS and I was livid. I had no interest at all. Now with computers, that is how I make my money. I thanked my dad many, many times before he died.

Believer,I still have my other son at home DS18.If we went away for a weekend together won't DS15 be peeved at us/or it this the point you want me to get across to him?
It just dawned on me that OP's boys will be with their dad tomorrow,I hope WH takes full advantage of this time alone with his boys and takes them out somewhere away from OP.6 months into the affair both boys went to a child pyschologist and she told WH in front of me that it was NB that WH spent time alone with his boys away from her boys..WH has done this twice in 18 months..I think he misinterprets all the boys getting on as he doesn't need to do that OR he doesn't want OP's boys to feel left out..dunno..
I was so enjoying being detached...I felt safe and stress-free..
now the wound has re-opened with WH losing his job.Its a positive in that it might cause friction for them but affects me and my boys financially.

No, I wouldn't take a vacation to annoy DS. I think it would be fun to do when he is living with the infidels. While they are busy looking for money and managing all those kids, it would be pleasant for you to relax a little.

The school holidays are coming up 27th june-14th july.I am taking a week off work during this time to be with the boys,they will spend a few days with WH as well..I think I will plan time away when they are with WH..you've got me thinking now!!

Just want to help you with your thinking on this..

Don't count on him being a GOOD FATHER during this time. Being in an ADDICTION, his main focus is getting HIS DRUG. If being with his boys will get him more of THAT, then that's what motivates him to do it, NOT trying to be a BETTER PARENT.


See what I mean?


I THINK you give him too much credit. NORMAL LOGICAL THINKING is not what he's doing these days...He may be using all kinds of justifications and rationalizations..but ONLY to maintain his ADDICTION..


Sadly...JOB LOSS is a function of the SELF-DESTRUCTIVENESS of an ADDICTION...but SUFFERING such as this causes THE ADDICT to reach his bottom...and want to recover...

YEA!! That sounds GREAT!!

Thanks Mimi for putting things in perspective for me..I keep thinking..all this destruction for a woman..crazy...

I'm feeling much better now..its 11pm here so going to have a cuppa tea and into bed!
Will chat tomorrow..

Night-night, sweet dreams.

Well DS15 came home yesterday afternoon to fetch his school clothes.He said WH suggested that he must spend a few days at home this week to make sure what he wants to do,so his coming home on wednesday.I think this is going to make WH's life difficult if he stays there!!
Apparently WH took the boys to see his new business premises and his all eager to get started.WH had to put down a deposit on the premises as someone else was interested in it.
He still hasn't spoken to me,no more text messages...when he brought DS15 home to fetch his clothes he knew I was at home...he can't want to speak to me that urgently!
Also OP uses WH's car to go to work,(she doesn't work from home as kids thought)so he must be stranded at home...no wonder his not to keen to have DS15 staying with him..can't fetch and carry to school...I told DS15 if he stays with WH I'm not helping with lifts.
WH spent a fortune on reconditioning OP's car engine and it still isn't running properly!!

I was shocked that WH has put down a deposit on premises.The good news is that WH is going to put money in my account for DS18's prom ....

Continue staying out of the drama. I'm sure hubby DOES want to talk to you urgently. But he has undoutedly heard that you don't want to sign for money.

Also, you should not be getting so much info on hubby, his business, his deposit, and OW's car in Plan B. I'm glad that her car isn't working good though. Nothing like only one crummy car between the two of them to cause a few LB's.

Believer you are right I am going to stop asking the kids questions.As I'm sitting here, WH phoned,DS18 answered and WH wanted to speak to me.I got a knot in my stomach and said no.DS18 was upset with me and told WH I wouldn't speak to him.
Did I do the right thing?Not sure if I should let him say his bit and then tell him no,or to just ignore him...thats what I want to do.
I don't want to hear his voice cos it will set me back emotionally..I think he will just go to his lawyer and get the divorce rolling so he can sell the house....

I am going to tell the kids not to talk to me about WH and the fact that I must phone him...they panic about it...
The kids are smack bang in the middle of this cos WH is confiding in DS18 and showing them the premises etc...
He has no friends to share this new venture with,all he has are the kids.

Just spoke to DS18 and he said WH was irritated with me....DS18 had told WH to phone me when WH told him that I wasn't answering his text messages.I told DS18 very nicely not to talk to me about WH and I wont ask questions.Also told him that if WH talks to him about me he must say he doesn't want to be involved .DS18 is concerned and asked me what am I going to do.I said I am following advice given to me by you guys...and he just sighed!LOL

The fact that I got a knot in my stomach showed me just how much of an effect WH can still have on me IF I ALLOW IT...which I wont of course.

WH also tried to get hold of me on my cell phone...just checked...2 missed calls.

That poor man. No friends, no one with whom to share the dream of a new business venture......... Oh, wait, he could be sharing it with his WIFE!!!!!!!! The same wife that he wants to sign so he and the adulteress can move on to a new life.

Tell your boys that you will continue going by your attorney's advice and protecting the family assets.

I would think that if he put a deposit on it that he is under some kind of a time limit.

If he gets more desperate you are more likely to get a good settlement, if it comes to that. Time is your friend. I would do what you can to stall any divorce process. Seems to me that it will take him a looonnnnggggggg time to get a divorce, and sell the family home for the money he needs now. Make sure he can't take out some kind of a loan which makes you responsible for anything.

Protect yourself and your boys.