1st off you need to be LISTENING to what TTH is saying ... as a fellow BH, I can "FEEL" what he is struggling with in his posts.

Honest answers:

Did you consider the OM "long winded", or did you look forward to long talks with him?

Did you ever tell OM you were too tired for SF?

Did you ever alter your routine to be with OM?

TTH is struggling with the fact that you made the efforts to be with OM, but you won't afford him the same opportunity. ... and FWIW, this isn't about YOU, RIGHT NOW, YOUR priority should be helping TTH to heal.

I'm sorry you're too tired to have SF with TTH at midnight (extreme sarcasm) ... how tired do you suppose he was after all of the SLEEPLESS nights he endured wondering what in the he!! was happening, but, even after all you've done that was compounded by your continuing lies, he still found enough love for you to allow you the CHANCE to repair the damage you caused.

This is one of the suckiest parts of R for a BH. You ripped out TTH's heart and left him laying in a pool of his own blood to go spend time with OM, and now he has to look to the one who mortally wounded his very soul to repair the damage.

Whereas, the normal reaction to someone who has hurt you this badly, would be to distance yourself and guard against further damage, ... he MUST find enough trust within the remaining shreds of his heart to open back up to you so you can fix the mess you caused. The sooner you learn that this is your responsibility and quit trying to look to TTH to preform self-surgery on his own heart, the sooner you won't be groping around here for answers.

I agree 100% Mrrev.

No truer words have ever been spoken. Imagine being raped and then having your rapist as your counselor to help you heal.

My favorite part of the day is when my husband gets home from work, and he is my favorite person to talk to. I could talk for hours with him and I do. That is probably the thing I love doing the most with my husband is talking and sharing with him and listening to what he has to say, so I think maybe I am not stating what I am trying to say clearly.

I was just trying to say that I want to find a way to incorporate some fun things just for the two of us into the little time that we do have so our love banks aren't drained and that we have some strength to take take on this affair and deal with it. I am a strong person and I am here for him to lean on me when he needs. I think he knows that.
Maybe someone who understands having such a tight schedule and kids can give me some fun things to do that are easy on the wallet or free would be good.

I know the things that I did ripped his heart out and I am trying to nurse him back to health. He is the patient right now and I am the doctor. I want us to have a recovered marriage and I know it doesn't come without a lot of hard work and time. I am putting in the time and we are coaching with SH. I think we are on the right path....

ilmh,

You and TTH desperately need a weekend away.

Harley suggest a 3 week vacation if possible.

ilmh, during your A did you find a way to steal time and family money to carry on your A?

Get creative, just as I'm sure you were during your A.

In short, have and A with your H. Find a way to take off Friday and Monday and work it out. We don't live to work, we work to live!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. Sometimes I need a dose of reality. God a three week vacation would be heaven right now!!!!!!

ILMH....

I agree with MyRev in general...but let me ask you this...

What does SH have to say? Does he say to spend a couple days a week discussing things...does he say set a time...does he say take a vacation with no A talks? I am seriously asking. From what I have heard, once all of the details have been revealed, SH has advised to STOP talking about it and START planning your recovery. This may take a LONG while-not because you are trying to KEEP anything from Try, but because he will feel he has continuing questions for quite some time after the LAST D-day...he may even ask the same questions over and over. This is normal for just about everyone I would think, because sometimes you cannot remember if you even asked a specific question when the FIRST time you asked it, you were in shock.

But, the key is that -- SH is the EXPERT! Do what HE says...and so should Try. I know Try has had a few issues with Steve's "let's just move forward" approach, but HE is the one with the PLAN for RECOVERY...not US! We all have our own issues, our own timelines. Try is still extremely upset and has every right to be. I remember this time in recovery (and we are not 100% out of this stage yet, although it is about 95%) and it HURTS and it SUCKS!! But it still doesn't hurt ME anywhere near as bad as I have hurt W2S...just keep reminding yourself of that fact. Also, keep in mind that you would already be a lot farther down this road had you FULLY confessed months ago!!!

Obviously things will come up from time to time with you both being on MB, but when W2S and I discuss the A now, it is in direct correlation of something we have read here and are discussing things openly and as a team. What I mean by that is the conversations do not have blame, anger, and a feeling of "the WS being iterrogated by the BS." KWIM?

You need some fun time...I miss Try's sense of humor very much...I am sure YOU do as well!! He will get there, ILMH...

Come on, Try!!! I know that funny guy is still in there, buddy!! Let him out every once in a while...it will be OK!! And it will help you heal!