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Usually when people make big deals like that, it's because they are embarrassed or feel judged. They are trying to defend themself so that they won't be found wanting. Why don't you go out and buy another copy and let her know you did, cos you'd like her to have one, too?
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I could do that but it's not really all that big of a deal to me and she usually just gets them from the library. If she feels that what was or wasn't said is a big deal then obviously there is something more to it all. I'm in no rush and never should have been to begin with. I'm just gonna relax and get comfortable with myself, get my situation all straightened out (finacially and everything), start enjoying the summer and who I want to be now and even take time away from the boards.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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That's why I suggested getting her her own copy. There's more to it than who gets to read the book first. Getting her a book would be magnamimous on your part and might let her know she's safe around you - not having to defend herself.
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Thanks for the help everyone. She doesn't believe her dreams will ever come true with me and she deserves better.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Thanks for the help everyone. She doesn't believe her dreams will ever come true with me and she deserves better. Don't let her opinion become yours. Just because she sees it that way doesn't make it true. But in the long run, this has been a huge eye-opener for you, yes? So consider this your turning point. Movies always have 3 acts, broken up by points at which the main character has to switch directions and go after a different goal. Consider this your opportunity to use what you've learned to make the next act of your life the best one. Good luck.
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Yes your right cat. It's been a huge eye opener and if she doesn't want to see or believe in that then that is her choice.
Aside from the bad things that have happened I'm a very good person inside and outside. If she no longer sees that or believes in that because of the past then so be it.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Are you staying on MB while you continue your personal recovery, ezb?
Did you get a copy of the divorce decree yet?
LA
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Are you staying on MB while you continue your personal recovery, ezb? I think I'm just going to concentrate on the Beatie book for right now LA and go over the past posts. There's been too much information and too much going on I feel for eveerything to have soaked in properly. Did you get a copy of the divorce decree yet?
LA No I haven't gotten that yet. I've offered nothing but loving solutions for the last 3 months and it has not helped at all to my knowledge. Thats a shame.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Ezb,
Yes, if you choose your results based on outcome, you could see it as a shame.
If you choose your results in relation to your code, then what?
I didn't ask my question accurately--meant to say, Are you leaving MB, then?
I hear you saying, No, you're not.
Okay. I understand the absorption overload.
One thing I was wondering is what practical measures have you taken to protect yourself from your weaknesses, to support your changes?
I keep hearing a deep enmeshment...still hasn't been broken completely. Maybe that's this part of your life...whatever it takes portion...to get there.
Have you been reading Amoret's thread in Negotiating in Marriage forum?
LA
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Ezb,
Yes, if you choose your results based on outcome, you could see it as a shame.
If you choose your results in relation to your code, then what? Then I did the best I could. I didn't ask my question accurately--meant to say, Are you leaving MB, then?
I hear you saying, No, you're not. For the time being I feel it's wise for me to. One thing I was wondering is what practical measures have you taken to protect yourself from your weaknesses, to support your changes? I've highlighted in books the points I need to review. Broken off our sessions due to no positive outcomes. Keeping my notes organized. Spending more time on myself and with the kids. Have you been reading Amoret's thread in Negotiating in Marriage forum?
LA I can take a look but I hadn't no.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Ezb,
Have you been reading Amoret's thread in Negotiating in Marriage forum?
LA LA, I seen it yes. Interesting. I have to stay away from things though now. It all makes me focus on the bad things which only brings me further down. She's stayed away from answering questions here and now she no longer wants to come to the house because she doesn't feel comfortable. Just another step further away. She wants time to herself so she caan heal, says she doesn't need me for any type of support, can't have sex because of thee emotions involved. Just might be too much for her to heal from. Asked her last night if she had plans on getting the rest of her things and her answer was: "I can if that is what you want". What does that tell me? Then she says she didn't but again says she can if thats what I want. She then says when I ask what our "relationship" means to her? "It means the world to me just as it always has".
Last edited by ezb; 06/13/08 02:25 PM.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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How in the world do I make any heads or tails of all that?
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How do you make sense of it? State the facts.
She chooses not to answer questions right now.
She chooses not to come to your house right now.
She is choosing to not gather support from you or allow you to meet her ENs right now.
She is not choosing to get the rest of her things right now.
She believes your relationship "means the world to me just as it always has".
That's it.
Now, what are you going to choose to do or not do, right now?
LA
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Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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How do you make sense of it? State the facts.
She chooses not to answer questions right now.
She chooses not to come to your house right now.
She is choosing to not gather support from you or allow you to meet her ENs right now.
She is not choosing to get the rest of her things right now.
She believes your relationship "means the world to me just as it always has".
That's it.
Now, what are you going to choose to do or not do, right now?
LA Do some serious thinking LA first and foremost and then come to my choices based on facts.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Honestly, ezb, and I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you're divorced now, right? IMO, divorce means exactly that. It means 'I don't want to ever deal with you again, unless kids are involved. I want to move on and have a new life - without you in it.'
Isn't that what divorce means?
I have found that many times, people will try to soften the blow of some particularly bad news by saying stuff like 'oh, it won't really be that bad, we'll still see each other, it'll just be a piece of paper, it's just a technicality...' when in reality they simply have no intention of doing any of that; it's just what makes it easier to ask for or take whatever it is they are wanting; or it keeps the person from having to face the other person and bluntly saying so long, I want you out of my life now. In your case, agreement on a divorce.
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Have a great weekend everyone and thanks again.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Ezb...
Think Dragnet...just the facts, Ma'am. Just the facts.
Gosh, I'm old.
LA
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Ezb...
Think Dragnet...just the facts, Ma'am. Just the facts.
Gosh, I'm old.
LA Your not old LA, 41 myself. It seems like it's going down hill even faster now everyone. Left her alone all weekend and didn't do any good because I contacted her today. Shes not even posting on her now and still doesn't believe things will change. I've done pretty much the best i could and stand firm in the fact that I love her with all my heart. We'll see what she does now but she feels I gave her an ultimatum and made the decision when I said if she doesn't want to improve the relationship then she should come get the rest of her things. I guess that is and when she said she would get the rest of her stuff it told me what she wants. Thanks everyone for your help though. Gonna work on being the old me again and if that doesn't help then nothing will.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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