I have been trying to send a PM to someone in particular, but the feature doesn't seem to be working. Is there any way to send a PM in MB's forum, or get a hold of someone by other means than the public forum?

PM's are turned off. If you want to get a message to someone...ask for their email address.

Just curious as to why they are turned off. Seems kinda strange. It's sometimes nice to chat with someone with a similar story in private. Oh well.

because adults on this site seemingly cannot be trusted to act appropriately in private. Go figure.

That's messed up.

Because it could lead to inappropiate conversations and behavior between people of the opposite sex.

A man and a woman could start sharing intimate marital information with one another.

The next thing you know, they start meeting each other's emotional needs. They need conversation, understanding, admiration, attention...etc and that is getting filled by the person on private message.

It starts up an Emotional Affair.

ALSO...I have seen people on the site start flirtations with members of the opposite sex and take it one step further and MEET......IRL. AND...under the guise of "helping me with my marriage", will go on lunch and dinner dates.

Those are really easy to spot...they are the ones that have to be shagged off like you would a dog that's getting personal with your leg.

So transparent...

So, having that option blocked is taking precautions to protect the marriages of the people on MB.


jmho

committed

I can see the reasons for taking PM's out of the equation, but there are more reasons to leave them in. What about people who feel more comfortable discussing certain aspects of their life in private with someone who shares (or have shaed) the same problems? It seems strange to me for MB to limit the means of communication for "shy" or "embarassed" people with marriage problems, just to try to curb other people from getting into an A. If someone is going to use PM's to start an A, they are going to have another A anyway, whether it's through here or not. Personally I think that even if just 1 person would benifit from being able to speak privately to other members, and gets something useful and beneficial out of it...it would make it worth it...even if there are morally corupt people starting their downward spiral through means of PM's...to Hell with them anyway.

If you want to use email you can both email your addresses to a mod who can than exchange them for you.

PM's are dangerous as are emails, but they at least offer the ability to CC someone else to make sure it stays approprate.

There is where the "bond" starts.

I have seen people ask for other's email addresses. If it is a member of the opposite sex, you can bet that a seasoned veteran of the site will speak up and tell them that isn't a good idea. There is no policing action other than helping one another.

The PM could run amok. There would be no accountability.

It would serve them better to contact the Harleys if they need privacy.

jmho
committed

Really? No one said anything to me when I gave a member my email because he needed help because he was hurting.

Now we are pen pals. Nothing else is going on. But if the opportunity arises for lunch will I go? You bet, as a friend.

This whole PM being disabled thing just seems a little weird to me. Is that really the reason?

Charlotte

Charlotte,

I have seen it happen numerous times.

I didn't see your request, maybe it was missed.


I really think that is why it is not activated.

But then again, I could be wrong. It's been known to happen before <just don't let my kids find out, ruler number one is "Moms are ALWAYS right">.

Maybe a mod will chime in with the reason.

committed

I have contacted a mod to see if I can communicate with another member. I guess I have to wait to see if the mod is checking email today, willing to help, cares, etc...

It all seems strange to me that we can't reach out for help from other members in private, just to save people a few immorals from abusing the system....JMHO

Thank you, c&m!


LMAO!! Mum's the word!!

Charlotte

Introvert, the text I bolded in you quote above suggests that you see the 'problem' existing only for others - for those less self-disciplined people who haven't got the morals and restraint that 'we' possess.

If there's one lesson that we learn from MB, it's that all of us are vulnerable to temptations. Making sure we don't go near a source of temptation is one of the most important practices we develop through MB.

Getting into a private, intimate conversation with a member of the opposite sex is undoubtedly a temptation. Lots of people are here on account of As started via cyber-communication, where emotional connections developed without either party seeing it happen. To think that 'we' are safe is a dangerous attitude, don't you think?

TA

Not the SAME temptations though. I have been having email communications with numerous people of the opposite sex since I got here and never has anyone acted inappropriate.

That's what I'm screamin'!!

What IF...(and hear me out)....they might not have acted inappropriate, but have inappropriate feelings toward you that YOU don't know about?

What if...they start looking forward to your emails so much that it takes the place of communication between them and their spouse?

What if...they value your comments more than they do their spouses?

There are so many what ifs. It does no good to sit and list all of the what ifs that can affect out lives...but why tempt it when it can be avoided?

So...how would you KNOW that THEY are on the up and up with you?

committed

*Disclaimer* Speculating only!

Hah! There is some fog on this thread.

If you find yourself justifying something, to yourself or to others, it is probably wrong altogether.

TA is correct. It has actually happened on MB.

PM capability was disabled years ago after an egregious A started between a BH and a BW on MB. It started through PMing and then continued through personal contact even though they lived a thousand miles apart. The BH was succeeding in his M recovery until this started, too. And I have heard that one isn’t the only case.

Who less likley to need a shoulder than two BS, right?

Face it. Adultery takes us all to the lowest common denominator. Just like speed limits on highways exist to keep dangerous drivers under control (would Mario Andretti need a 55 mph limit? Do I? Do you, really?) we all have to obey the law now because of them. One may think it would be better to just take the bad drivers out and let the rest of us drive as we like, right?

I grew up in a state that had a prima facie speed limit. The bad drivers and the speeders tended to be eliminated by natural selection. But they did take a few innocents with them now and then. I think all of us adhering to MB limits is good and caring for the innocents.

With prayers,

I am responsible for how I act...and if they act inappropriately towards me, I have my answer.
I will not speculate with a grown adult..nor will I assume that someone can't act appropriately with a member of the opposite sex. I only have opposite sex relationships with people whose partners are privy to everything.

I have had opp sex friends for years...some as long as 28 years. I will not be so arrogant as to presume that others are not as capable as I am to maintain these friendships.

MEDC,

Would you also do this if you were married?

LA