I've seen a few of my WH OW (MOW) and from what I've seen, they aren't raving beauties...WH is a perfectionist - how he could go with some of them, is beyond me.

But really Tabby, it wouldn't matter if they were beauties - it's what's inside a person. What they bring to the R. Many WS are hooking up with people that are beneath them emotionally,physically, economically, etc. It gives them the upper hand they so much want - CONTROL... amoung other mental issues they have going on.

I have resolved that my WH does not deserve a good, honest, loving spouse. He deserve a lying, cheating, tramp. He has nothing to give emotionally (though the OW think he does) only $$$$$. Anything he did have to give emotionally he's taken away from himself. He's lowered himself in so many ways, I no longer know who he is, it's sad but the facts. He is not what he wants other to think that he is. I feel sorry for him, he needs help for his addictions and won't get it.

Pariah - Let go...please do not wish ill will on the OM. He is not worth your energy or stress. It feels great to just not care about WS and their partners. Let them live the way they want - it's their choice. It's over between your XW and him, so forget it. Yes, he destroyed your M - but if it wasn't him, it would have been some other short, fat, yada yada ...

Enjoy your time with the raptures, they are beautiful and intriguing - let their spirit of peace be YOUR peace!!

But Pariah, wasn't OM an elite marine sniper? :eek: :eek: :eek:

ROTGLMAO !!!

One of these days I will right up my story on what I did when I confronted the interloper in my marriage.

Wow I can so relate to this thread!!!

xH wife (OW) looks as if she could be his mother!!! I was floored!

But think about it this way, if the OP's were able to attract unmarried people, they wouldn't have messed with our spouses!!!!

They can't and for whatever reason our x spouses thrive on the attention that they are given by these OP's, what else do the OP's have to offer? We've seen that it's not their looks!!!

So think about what the x spouses gave up to be with the OP's!!! Us, they gave up US, so they deserve the OP's with all their warts, and flabby @55's.

We as single people deserve more and are not looking at married people for our next relationship. But the x spouses or the OP's will cheat again and more then likely with another married person!!!! The cycle is ongoing!!

I know of friends of my parents that had an affair 30 years ago alomost, got married. He then cheated on her 25 years later and they are divorced, it's been happening for a long time!!! Sad!!!

Dawn

Hey, why not tell us now! Seems like there are a few good stories along this line. I have yet to "confront" OW and I have no qualms about doing it. It's just more fun at this time to watch her squirm at these baseball games as she hangs around people who are calling her a tramp behind her back while I hang out with her former friends. I don't know why she keeps coming back - either she's too stupid to realize the entire league knows what she is or she really honestly thinks that it's perfectly socially acceptable to f*** somebody else's husband while you are still married to another guy. Or both - because in addition to other people calling her names, they are wondering the same thing.

Oh good! I'm not the only one who feels this way.

were you married to my xw pariah?

I struggle with these thoughts almost hourly! I'll often go to church in the morning and I find myself praying that I can spend one day NOT planning OW's demise. I don't want death or anything like that....just crap! By the way...mine is a dumpy redhead that wears old lady clothing on a 34yr. old body. Supposedly she has a great personality! She'd have to.

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!!

OW is 4'11" heavy set looks like a cross-dressing man with unkempt facial hair to boot!!!!!!!

My WH OW is 36, looks 40+, has bi polar, anxiety attacks, will never get custody of her 4 children (all under 10), lives with ( and sleeps with some)cats, kittens, dogs, possums, rabbits, rats, mice,guinea pigs, and God knows what else, cant pay rent and utilities, had her computer smashed 6 months ago by her 18 year old boyfriend, is not an intellectial giant.....

What else can you say. What a catch.

I was really upset when I found out that the OW (or OG) in my sitch was 19 and had never had children. Then, I saw her. Sure, she has a great body, but her face is another matter....I just wonder what Ike is thinking! He's very particular about women that he thinks are attractive and she has none of the qualities that he has always said that he liked in women...it's crazy! Not only that, she is like a typical teenage girl, nothing wrong with that, but nothing special either. My husband is a rather intelligent man (except in this instance) so I don't know what the attraction is there. For awhile he would call me and we would talk about every subject under the sun, Mayan history, life on Mars, other dimensions, etc, etc...my only thought was that he couldn't talk with her about these subjects, which will have to get old soon! I mean, she is a child!

narcissism has different degrees, but many times, its wanting a partner who makes the wayward spouse feel more superior. . . My X is like that. . . she has been dumped a bunch of times, and now has a marginal boyfriend. . .

sometimes though, the OP does have traits which we lack, which is more attractive to our wayward spouses. . . my girlfriend has some similar traits to my XW, but she has many more lovable qualities. . .ie, she fills my top emotional needs much better than the X. . .

so although sometimes what we value is not what the WS ends up with, it is precisely that difference in opinion which is why we are divorced from them. . .

life is not as obvious as what you see visually. . .

wiftty

I'm curious wiffty, are you the BS or the WS? I'm just wondering what your perspective is regarding this statement:


Is your GF an OP or someone you met afterwards?

I also find this statement interesting:


I really never thought of things this way - the reason I'm divorcing my WS is because he's a lying, cheating, thieving piece of crap, but I guess those could be considered his "values" and it's just me that finds them twisted - hence a difference in opinion.

Interestingly, my BF has certain qualities that I sorely missed during my M, but had resigned to live without and never figured I would have a chance to find them again. I do wonder though if this won't last because part of my attraction to him is filling these long-neglected ENs or what.

"Interestingly, my BF has certain qualities that I sorely missed during my M, but had resigned to live without and never figured I would have a chance to find them again. I do wonder though if this won't last because part of my attraction to him is filling these long-neglected ENs or what."

Generally, those needs being met is what attracts us to someone isn't it?

I know I've had to step back on a couple of relationships when some irriatating stuff happened and look at it from a logical standpoint - just like Dr. H told me to; but if it hadn't been for those needs being met in the first place, I never would have stayed as long as I did.

Don't worry too hard about all that, just look at whether or not he would make a good long-term partner.

Best Wishes,
RMW

Thanks RMW. I'm actually not ready to look for a long term partner yet. Currently, I'm just trying to enjoy what I've got. We have fun. We get along. Neither of us is in a hurry to go to the next level. It's just the obsessive-compulsive side of my brain over analyzing things at times. When I think of my mistakes in the past with Wstbx, I wonder if there were signs early on that I should have noticed - and should I be noticing them again today.