If he proceeds to get on THAT plane anyway...then, while sitting next to him proceed to call his parents and friends and expose him right there in front of him. If he gets physical...HE gets arrested. They don't take kindly to fighting on an airplane. You stay calm and get him some federal charges. That'll make his visit fun...JAIL.

Still not confident of this plan...but you've got 7 days to speculate I suppose.

Mr. Wondering

The plan I would do is to tell your WW that you are coming down that weekend anyway, and that you are going to be on OM's plane (without telling her you know about OM). Watch their email to see if OM cancels. If he doesn't expose him to his family and expose your WW to her family. If he doesn't come, read up as much as you can on marriage builders, go visit your wife, do a good plan A (she'll fight it though, so you need to not get pissed at her regardless of how she acts), install the spyware on her computer, then have a discussion with her about how you want to work on the marriage and be a better husband and how she needs to stop communicating w/ OM because it will keep your marriage from improving. If she doesn't, then you expose to her family and friends and OM's family, friends, and co-workers. That is what my plan would be, but hey, I've only been through this before myself, so what do I know?

Also, if you insist on the both of you getting on the plan together, I would see if you could get a family member or close friend of hers to come with you, so it will be harder for her to just ditch the two of you for OM. Stage an intervention with someone she really respects.

But that is plan B. I would go with plan A (no way he gets on that plane) first.

sundevil98,

I believe you have a good point when you say that if you confront OM before he goes in the plane. He will call your WW and she'll do what? Hide? go camping?

She's a WW, she wil be very angry and frustrated. Expect any insane behavior.

IMHO, I believe you should just go in that plane and :

1. Be the first to reach your wife at the airport and OM will be left wondering.
2. Be right behind him and cacht them when they meet. Leave OM at the airport a stick with your wife every single minute with her. (You will have to act the surprised Husband, like... how did you know this was my flight? What you were wating for that guy? Who is he? What is he doing here?)

You and your WW have to sit and decide what to do with your life... you must have a plan as to get together ASAP.

But bear in mind.... when you get back they will continue their EA and will probably make arrangements for another weekend.

Unless you guys will be living together there are not many chances for recovery.

Jim's plan is the prudent plan and it can be done sooner without enduring a week of constantly hitting refresh in your attempt to capture her sent messages before she deletes them.

YOU MATTER.

Constant speculation and the stress you are under figures into this. The faster the truth is out the better FOR YOU. You don't HAVE to maintain your sources of information. She's having an affair...if and when it's over (she ends it or OM ends it)...you'll know.

BTW, what state are you in. Don't post a city...just the state. You may have the ability to file an alienation of affection lawsuit versus OM in your state. That'll stifle things. Serve him at the airport (if YOU choose to confront that way...not the most prudent way, IMO, but to us BH's here it sure is tempting)

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- Some states like Virginia also have favorable divorce laws when you file under "for cause" citing adultery as the grounds should it come to that. That's why you've been encouraged to document as it trumps all their attempts to deny it and gives you evidence for court.

What about a phone appt w/ steve harley this week if it's at all possible

Good solid plan, Jim!

I still LOVE the idea of freaking OM out. But, there might be too many variables to consider.

I vote for boarding that plane and either confronting him there, or when both of them are at the airport.

You only have one week to wait; you can do it. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to prove what WW is up to, without any of her selfish gaslighting. Most BS would kill for an opportunity like this.

I think OM will be ready to run for his lfe. NO WAY he's going to stay in town and have fun with your WW after the confrontation. Give him a good dose of reality. Talk about turning on the lights in the crack house!

Of course all of this is just IMHO.

My God the bunch of you here are going to get someone hurt. This dream a lot of you seem to want for personal confrontation and exposure right there to a stranger is scary. You are hoping that the OM will back down what if he doesn't? If it does get physical, so what he goes to jail are you willing to advise someone gets physically hurt so you guys can live through their exposure acts? Sorry the jolies a lot of you seem to get from exposure of an affair is NOT worth a possible chance of getting physically hurt. The original poster has no idea what this guy is like, so sorry our advice of face to face confrontation is stupid at best.

To the original poster deal with your wife, drop the blood thirsty crowd ideas here of confronting them together or the OM individually. Change your plane ticket to a earlier flight and confront your wife, but don't deal with the OM that is a wild card you don't need to deal with.

I don't think anyone here is trying to promote a physical altercation. I think what is being promoted is stopping a PA at all costs. It's bad enough that this guy has to deal with the pain of an EA it doesn't need to be compounded by a PA that he knows is about to happen. The man has got the plane ticket. I truely believe he has nothing but honest intentions in saving his marriage. There are so many variables to this situation i.e. he tells his wife ahead of time that he's coming no matter what. All she has to do is tell the OM that her husband is coming this weekend so change his ticket to the following weekend. Yeah it could cost him an addition 150 to 200 bucks but it saves him a confrontation. I'm new here and I know their are people here with TONS more experience. We know he's going in blindly, I think what he needs now is good solid advice on what to do when the plane lands to help save his marriage and help defuse the situations as much as possible. Just my two cents!

Crossbar is exactly right. SD needs to show up on the same flight and confront the affairees.

His wife is lying to him. If he confronted her now, she will notify her potential affair partner that hubby is suspicious, cancel the flight, and get together later.

If he talks to the OM now, the same thing will happen in reverse.

If SD doesn't go on the flight, and confronts her later, she will claim she went camping with friends and it would have been an imposition to invite her HUSBAND, and the OM just happened to pick the coming weekend to go on a golfing vacation. They are just friends, blah, blah, blah. All was totally innocent.

Of course, SD still runs the risk that he will show up on the same flight as the OM, and wife will meet them at the gate and claim that she was just picking up the OM who just happened to be going on a golfing vacation the same weekend that SHE is going camping with friends who she couldn't impose on to invite her husband. If she is quick on her feet, that is exactly what she will claim. And then she will berate SD for spying, stalking, etc.

But then SD will pretty much know what is going on. And deep down, she will know that he knows.

If you "ïnnocently" meet them at the airport on arrival you have the proof you need for you W to admit and at least talk to you about it, and you don't have to go and let her know you are reading her e-mail.

Once again, NEVER let her realise you are reading her e-mail.
Until you get together and even then, this will be one of your BEST weapons. Be it to know the EA is still on be it to be able to trust her again.


This advice isn't about "BS dream situation", this is about a BS trying to spare another BS of the hurt and pain of not knowing. It's about a BS who lived 2 years in agony waiting for undenyable proof.

The A must end as fast as possible, this plane/ airport thing is you big chance. Unless you tell her you read your e-mail (and you know what she'll do about it) or you continue living with her lies, that "he's just a friend".

Your WW will still deny, even if they are hugging at the airport, the big thing is, you wont by into it, and you wont give her the bennefit of doubt as you know the truth.

It's useless for you to confront her now or the OM all they will do is deny and make fun of you.

But what good does it do? The OP's wife has already purposed in her heart to have a PA. This is the same thing as doing it, according to Jesus.

The adultery has ALREADY been committed. He will not be stopping anything.

There is a cost, but no benefit.


That's exactly my point. Send a PI. Make it worth it.

Yes, adultery has already been committed in the eyes of God, but SD doesn't have sit passively and watch it continue. He has also posted that he's currently between jobs and money is an issue. Therefore, a PI may not be in the cards. Besides, (with all due respect) why would he need a PI to confirm what he already knows?

tfkeel,

The affair has already been going on for some time now. The marriage vows have already been broken....

But as of yet, SD and his wife have not yet been exposed to herpes, HPV or HIV.

While the cheating is still the same, the pictures in his head are not yet visions of his beloved rolling naked in the grass with another man. It is not too late to stop that from happening.

If the affair escalates to the next level, it likely becomes much harder to break. Right now OM is "in love" with this man's wife but has not gotten his need for sex met by her. It he gets that too, he could become a serious stalker or be really hard to get rid if even when she is ready to be done with him.

SD does not need proof of an affair that will hold up in court. He knows his wife is having an affair and his wife knows she is having an affair and the OM knows they are having an affair...Who has to be convinced here?

Bust them. Bust up the affair. She might be mad (understatement for effect) and say all sorts of things. The marriage can survive that. The marriage cannot survive the affair if it is allowed to continue.

SD, you don't need proof of what you already know. OM is headed to spend the weekend wife your wife. You have the power at this point to stop that from happening or at least put a serious dent in the affair by busting them...and you don't have to bust them together.

If you bust OM first so he backs down from the trip, your wife will scream and raise all kinds of h377 and gaslight you like crazy. ..

Go there anyway...

And when she asks. "What are you doing here, I told you I never wanted to see you again." You reply, "I'm here to fight for my marriage. You are my wife and I am willing to fight for you."

Look, the affair might have already gone PA for all anybody knows. There might be ten OM waiting for a call back from your wife. If you want to save your marriage, STOP THE AFFAIR. Whether you have proof that will hold up in court does not matter. You have the proof you need to blow the affair apart. The affair partners already KNOW they are having an affair. OM is licking his chops this morning in anticipation of getting your wife naked this weekend.

YOU CAN STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING! DO IT!

Bust OM before he ever gets to the airport. Don't chance a physical altercation. Just stop them from being together. Even if you don't go there either...STOP HIM FROM GOING UNCHALLENGED!

Mark

SD needs to do whatever he can to prevent OM from getting on that flight because if he does, his WW and OM are going to spend the weekend together and have sex regardless of whether or not he is there. Don't think for a second that SD showing up along w/ OM will prevent her from going through with it. She has too much invested in this visit and has been looking forward to it for a long time. If they show up together, his WW will likely gas-light SD and complain about her privacy being violated, and that was the last straw, so now she and SD are over. She will then proceed to spend the weekend w/ OM. This is probably the worst possible scenario that SD would want.

Stop him from getting on that plane!

True, that senario can happen, but as I posted earlier there are so many variables to this situation. I may not have a lot of experience here, but if I was SD in that senario, I would have a cell phone with me and EXPOSE BIG TIME. Call the in-laws tell them the situation and that SD is down trying to save his marriage and she just ran off with the OM. Ask them to call her and find out what's going on. There's nothing worst than having our parents calling you saying" What are you thinking! I thought we raised you better than that! I'm so disappointed." Plus, SD stated that he MIL is a very emotional person. I'm sure his wife will love to deal with that drama. Expose to all my family, her family, my friends her friends and ask them to call throughout the weekend. Yeah, she'll probably turn off her cell and leave the phone off the hook in the apartment, but if she has roommates they probably won't stand for that, they have lives too. Also, she'll be under a lot of stress knowing that SD is in the area and will be wondering what he's gonna do. The point is what she thought was going to be a blissful weekend with her OM it is now inundated with tons of stress and not every enjoyable to either her or MO, and he just may bail out.

I agree that exposure should happen right away and that it should all happen at once.

But there are two options here in general:

1)Make her life a living h377 this weekend while she is with OM

or

2) Stop OM from going and make her life a living h377.

Given a choice, I vote for #2.

Exposure and all the rest have to happen, but OM does not have to spend the weekend with SD's wife for any of that to take place. The ONLY variable is whether or not OM gets to frolic with SD's wife this weekend. I say prevent that and you are money ahead in the long run.

Mark

I would:
(1) Call the Harleys and ask for their advice.
(2) Hire a PI in your city today to get as much information on the OM as possible so you'll know all the people to contact to expose.
(3) Prepare all the proof you have, print it all out, put it in a safe place in case this goes to legal.
(4) Hire a PI in that city and have him ready at the airport to follow one of them if the controntation doesn't go well.
(5) Arrange to expose to everyone the hour after you're scheduled to arrive, maybe via email; ask them all to contact the two of them as soon as they read the email (have it all ready, and have a friend sitting by the computer ready to push the send button). I would want everyone knowing at the same time. Give them a barrage of phone calls from interested parties, especially if they ditch him and head out anyway. Which they probably will. Most likely she'll say "I'm leaving you" and turn around and walk away with OM. So make the weekend as miserable as possible for them.
(6) Do Plan A this week and go straight to Plan B if she walks away. Make life miserable for her until she comes back.

IMO, she's leaving him anyway. So better to have all the proof he can get to use in court.

One question, though. Do you think the OM knows what YOU look like?

Another idea! You have a few days. Find out the OM parents phone number!I'm sure he love to here his mother say, " What the heck are you going with a married woman!"