I am good 2long, how are you? Hope everyone has been doing well and is in good health.

LM

Ack, I'm away from the computer and look at all the activity.

So Dr. Harley says for you to cut your losses. Based on that golden wisdom, yes, let this weekend be the pivotal point, to either start the long, hard haul to recovery, or immediately file for divorce.

You may decide to not even go...when she contacts you, you could say "If you decide to be a faithful wife, maybe we'll talk. It's a maybe because you have a history of this...I cannot trust you." Then go "dark" - don't contact her. She WILL contact you, no doubt about that.

I emailed Dr. Harley prior to marrying my Ex. He told me, "Do NOT marry that man, you will only find heartache." Well, I did...and Dr. Harley was right. Better listen hard when he advises against something.

I'm starting to lean even more toward don't even bother going. Doesn't mean you have to give up yet, but what point is there, really, in going this weekend? She's determined to make herself scarce.

Lem, hello to you my friend. I hope you don't mind me pulling out a LM reference every now and again.

I hope you are well.

MEDC

Got a message this AM from OM:


Can OM be trusted?

What now, do I contact her and tell her I am coming down and that she needs to meet with me to start the healing process?

He said not to contact him anymore... Would it be wrong to at least thank him for staying out of my marriage?

Well, it is nice to see that he is not interested in being involved in anyone's marriage. Now let's see if he stays off the plane.

There is a STRONG possibility he is telling the truth...but I wouldn't buy it just yet. Your wife is willing to betray you...bet on it that she is willing to lie to him as well.

Feel free to contact him and let him know that while you appreciate his sentiment, that you will consider every option/reaction in the event he is not being honest with you.

It is still my strong opinion that you are making a huge mistake by not going to Plan D immediately...but there is no legal ramifications regarding your communications with him at this time.

IMHO, if you do not walk away from this woman now, you are dooming yourself to a lifetime of grief.

MrW - excellent points. I'd be interested in hearing his response if you'd care to share.

My position: No forgiveness without repentance. We are to forgive "as God has forgiven us."

Church discipline is a command of God that is intended to lead to repentance and restoration of relationship....

Ignoring sin in the "body" invites it to "leaven" the entire flock and leads to factions and divisions within the church.

Can the OM be trusted? If your wife calls you shortly and starts screaming at you that you've ruined a perfectly good "friendship" then, maybe. If she doesn't then there could be a possiblity that they changed their gameplan. Just my opinion. Did you inform the OM that you knew about the flight on the 3rd?

I second that.

Nothing very "respectful" in that message, Doc. That's jhmo, of course.

While you are at it, why not just apply "this is a situation that is cut and dry" to your medical practice and NOT treat anyone?

They may recover on their own or they may not, but what's the use in trying to help or assisting in the healing process when they are just going to go back to their "old ways" anyway?

Sorry Doc, *edit* ARE willing to attempt to help?

And while I'm at it, Doc, the PREMISE of Christianity is that we are ALL "beyond hope" and "incapable" of changing ourselves, so God intervened for us and OFFERS that assistance TO us. We can accept it or reject it, but if we accept it He also provides REAL CHANGE and the ABILITY to submit our lives to Him in humble obedience to Him.

Given what BH has said about himself and his wife, I strongly suspect that the "missing ingredient" in their marriage IS submission to the Lord, and that IS "fixable."

I agree with MEDC's advice above.

I wouldn't really "thank" him for anything....

What a silly post to one of the brightest people to ever grace these boards.

Just a thought...this is kinda creepy...I don't know if OM was also just a "booty call" for your W, but in the "what if" scenario that she hoped for something more serious with him...IF what OM says is true...she's already lied to him out of the starting gate.

Lies everywhere....

Sigh.

Do NOT contact him again.

You know his name, check with the gate attendant to see if he has "checked in" yet.

GO on the plane.

See if his seat is vacant.

Plan on speaking with your wife, in love, about your marriage, her "problems" with the marriage, etc.

This is just the "first step," as in "destabilizing the affair," but you are not yet in recovery. That is your next goal, to get an agreement to sincerely give it a try.

Meeting your wife will likely "suck," so be prepared to remain calm and composed NO MATTER what she might say. She may be full of "anger and venom," but that's the "dark side" speaking, and your job is to "lead her back" to a relationship with God and with you.

Remember YOUR marriage vows and lean on them and on your relationship with Christ.

God bless.

In my younger days, I have been out on dates with married women....that is until I found out she was married. My ex lied to the guy she was "servicing."

Liars lie. Doesn't matter to who...they just lie.

It wouldn't be the first time you and I have had diametrically opposing opinions, MEDC.

Good thing I am not bothered by your judgments and opinions, especially in the area of Christian practice.

What's been bothering you lately, MEDC, your posts all over the system have been increasingly negative and "hopeless?"

Life is GREAT for me FH. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you...and figured it was due to your recent loss. FTR, I have been getting great feedback lately regarding my posts...I think you and I just see things differently.

And my posts here are not negative at all...they are realistic. Reality sometimes seems to be missing from this site.

Gee...ya think?


And bitter people often see difficult situations as "hopeless," too.

And they "give up" without any fight, just like refusing to treat someone who is sick, very sick.


Doc Lemonman IS a "smart man," but his advice in this case is unwarranted, as are his comments about Wayward Spouses in general. There ARE some WS's who are serial, or multiple, cheaters, but they are not the "norm" for most who wind up here on MB.

But perhaps I'm just too dumb when measured against the "brilliance" meter you are using to assess Doc Lemonman or the possibility that BH could recover his marriage. That's always a possibility too. No doubt you and Dr. Lemonman would have had the same "advice" for my marriage....thankfully also "incorrect."

I disagree, MEDC. What you are calling "reality" is just your "opinion." Rather than threadjack BH's thread, if you'd like to "wrangle" this a bit more we could do so on another thread.

Gee, I guess Dr. H has it wrong too!


Funny...but what you term as "hopeless" I see as hopeful of a better life without the cancerous spouse that will cause nothing but heartache.

I actually happen to agree with Dr. H that this woman will always be a problem.



FH, it's possible. i really don't know if it would have been incorrect or not.