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Brown,
When was the last time that he contacted you? You mentioned that you told him about your promotion and he said Well Done!
Is he really not contacting you (his own version of Plan B as you stated)?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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I was SCARED, too..
I've told you that I have been in your SHOES...
I'm not trying to be insensitive...
I'm trying to help you...
WORKING THESE PLANS, is the REMEDY for your FEAR...
Why do you think your situation is any different than mine was?
That's what I can't understand.
I was letting go of the only man that I had loved for over 30 YEARS..because I wanted the CHANCE to get him back...
Do you understand what I am saying?
I felt that if I didn't do MBers my marriage would be over...
I had tried it MY WAY and FAILED..
MY WAY kept leading him straight back to her...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Honestly and I am still working through this, but the most precious gift you can give the one you love is to let them go.
They aren't ours to control. They are ours to love, but we have to let go and let G-d.
Brown, I totally totally understand that fright. I wasn't ready either and yet there was no other choice.
Start praying, start reading the bible and ask G-d what to do. Don't rely on your limited knowledge. You don't know what the plans are that G-d has for you.
Last edited by QueeniesNewLife; 07/01/08 01:27 PM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Today - he was asking about my appt with the doc.
But then he was the one who asked me why we were still in touch.
I didn't call him - he did.
All very weird
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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I wish I was as strong as you Mimi
I don't know why i am such a wreck.
I try hard - every morning i wake up - promising to be stronger and more in control - i even manage it some days, n then some trigger brings me right down
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Brown,
One day last October I started reading Mimi's thread called I think it was My gift to you. It was her Plan B thread.
What I began reading fascinated me because she isn't who she is today. She was just like US. She was scared, she needed MB and she had to learn how to become who she is TODAY.
LISTEN TO HER. SHE HAS WHAT WE WANT.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Today - he was asking about my appt with the doc.
But then he was the one who asked me why we were still in touch.
I didn't call him - he did. Can you clarify? Today (he called you) and asked you how your doctor appt. went? Btw...was this a regular check up or a therapist like doctor? Then he asked you why you and he were still talking?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Posts: 365
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Yes - H rang me. I had an appt with a specialist consultant. He asked how it went bcos originally he was meant to come with me but with everything that has happened i asked him not to.
Then Hasked me why we were talking to each other. I suspect he didn't like the guilt of not being there for me while i am ill. Rather than attacking him i went to RB.
Well, i had been reading Orchid's reverse babble just then, so i gave him some of the RB. I said and why is it that we aren't meant to be talking and he said you know why. I said well i don't know why and that is why i am asking. He was lost for words. He didn't think i would come up with that. I waited for a few mins and then started talking about his charity run. RB is good - i liked it.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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How did the conversation end?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Posts: 365
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On a good note, he wants to come to my scan tomorrow.
I said i'd get in touch with him.
I wished him well on his charity run
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Is this much different than before the OW was in the picture?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Posts: 365
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Before the OW was in the picture - he would be there at my appts. In all fairness he did ask to come to today's appt but i said No.
He was quite excited about telling me how much he had collected for the run. It was like old times apart from why we were talking conversation
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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I'm glad you returned, OnlyU...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Thank you mimi.
Brown,
This is a personal question, but are you still having SF with him?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Posts: 365
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Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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While living with your father and taking care of him, were you still having SF with him before the OW was in the picture?
Remind me:
How long have you been living with your father taking care of him?
How long has OW been a part of your WH's life?
How long has OW been living in your home with your WH?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
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No SF in the last 16months
Have been living with dad since December when H went home for his uncle's funeral
OW has known my H since end of 2006 but affair didn't happen till Dec 07
OW has been living in our home since March 08
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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So basically, you haven't had a real M for going on 2 years then, right?
And his A is going on 2 years as well.
And based on the fact he has introduced her to his family (who don't support you) and received their blessing, it appears that you are living as the OW and she is living as the Wife.
What do you think?
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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How come NO SF for 16 months? You don't think your H went that long without SF do you? Sounds like the A may have started sooner than you think...but time doesn't matter..THAT MUCH..my H affair lasted over 2 years before I discovered it...
My concern is what was going on between YOU and HIM...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 1,780
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My concern is what was going on between YOU and HIM... As mimi stated above: So for 10 months while you did live with him and not at your fathers when you "think" he wasn't yet in the A, what was your R like? Was it the same as it is now? Mimi, While your FWH's A was going on for those 2 years and you didn't know about, did you still live together like H and W? After you found out about the A and were doing a Plan A, did you still live together as well? I'm finding it hard to see where yours and Browns situations are alike. I think Brown may not have had much of a M at all.
Last edited by onlyUcan; 07/02/08 01:04 PM. Reason: added questions for mimi
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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