Yesterday XH came to my house. Got mad b/c I took a harley tag off the front of my car (he got the harley in the D). He thought I did it b/c a) I'm seeing someone who doesn't like Harleys or b) removing it is my visual way of stating to all that I'm done w/him. I told him the tag was bent and he went ballistic when I wouldn't show it to him.

Got mad. Cussed me out ............ and then..............
told me he was going to move his suicide up from last weekend to this weekend. Took me to the truck so I could see the gun.

Of course I called him and tried to talk him out of it. Talked on and off until early morning this morning. Said he was going into a cornfield that didn't get a signal. I tried to call back but couldn't get him. I do have the conversations on tape.

This morning ........... I get a text message w/a picture of his truck next to a cornfield. The text gist was he had tried all his life to get people to love him. He loved me. GOODBYE. And, the big one, have fun going to church. The last was added b/c he thinks I had an A w/a guy at church. I stopped going to church for almost 3 years trying to not make XH mad and trying to appease him. I have recently started going back. Guy is still there but has remarried. XH knows this but still mad when I go. (This is all on my earlier posts from 2006 forward)

I've gone to best friend but XH has been able to turn it around and make him think I'm just trying to cause trouble for him. So, I hesitate to go to him again.

What I want to do is call XH and tell him that if he pulls the suicide threat again I will call the police and play the tape for his family and friends. But, if he is unstable - I think he's just manipulative - I don't want to push him over the edge.

Advice?

We have already given you the correct advice. All of us. All saying the EXACT SAME THING - YOU ARE DIVORCED. IT IS NO LONGER YOUR JOB. CALL THE POLICE AND LET THEM HANDLE IT.

If you have anything else to do with him, you are an idiot. Do you get that?

Please don't give me any crap about your concern for him. Every single thing you have said since you came here is straight textbook abuser/abusee out of every abuse book you could ever pick up.

But you don't want to hear that because you get too big of a payoff by being his 'savior.' I will say it one more time.

If you quit saving him, he will quit threatening.

In the meantime, if you REALLY want this to be over, read Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. In it, you will see every thing he has ever done to you, every thing you have ever done in response, and you will realize that your low self-esteem is the cause of all your problems.

Quit playing the victim. Every single one of us gave you the exact same advice and you IGNORED every single one of us because it wasn't what you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear that we admire you for saving him. We don't. We pity you.

Send the tape to the police and wash your hands of this idiot, or you're as much to blame as he is.

Funny how folks on the outside can see so clearly that which we don't want to admit.

Thanks for the kick in the pants.

I am seriously considering turning this over to his best friend. I don't think he'll go through w/it. It's just manipulation of me on his part.

What I want to do and hope I can muster the courage to do is tell him that if he calls me and threatens suicide again I will immediately call 911.

What I need to do is tell him "don't call me again".

Thanks Catperson.

life, PLEASE go to your library today and look for that book I recommended. People who are victims of abuse get that way little by little, with the abuser taking away your belief in yourself one insult or joke or threat at a time. By the time you get to your stage, you no longer believe anyone but the person abusing you. You HAVE to NEVER have contact with him again. You have to.

Get a counselor, learn to like yourself, learn to protect yourself from future abusers (or you'll just get another guy like him and be back in the same boat), and CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBERS AND EMAIL ADDRESS.

One more thing. Go to Emotional Needs thread, and look for a thread from someone called 'youngandlearning'. She was just like you, and kept going back and back and back to her abuser. Read her story and realize how stupid it is to have ANYTHING at all to do with this man.

You can do it!

btw, I know you think you can't stop caring about him (trust me, you can), so for the time being, until you get your self back, think about this. He doesn't want to be this way any more than you want him to. He's miserable, because manipulating people to get what you want is no way to live. If you truly want to help him, you will stop ENABLING him by listening to him and playing into his game. The ONLY way to help him is to remove yourself from his circle of influence. Only then will he truly get help for this. Look up the word enabler, to see what I'm talking about.

His best friend? Why? You want to dump the stress and responsibility on someone else. That is a pretty ROTTEN thing to do to someone.

Why won't you call the authorities who could actually DO something about it? Why won't you call the authorities so he could ACTUALLY GET HELP?

Calling the authorities puts an end to the game, doesn't it?
Calling his FRIEND means you get to stay in the game (talking to friend about it, sharing the stress, talking about it over and over...)
You are guilty of trying to prolong the drama. Does it make you feel powerful that a man wants to kill himself over you?

CALL THE AUTHORITIES.

life2short,

I think everyone in pretty much in agreement as to what you should be doing. What's your plan?

The longer you enable this crazy train to keep running the greater the potential is for it to crash.

I think a restraining order would be a great start. Not only is he emotionally abusing you, he never seems to be far from a firearm and he makes sure that you know it.