He does lie about the amount that he drinks. He doesn't know when to stop, like after 1 or 2. I get ignored by him most of the time when he is drinking. He never drinks alone, the only time I have seen him drink by himself is when the 2 of us have gone out for dinner. Friends are top priority to him. They seem to override his family.

tvh, if you are too afraid to do anything for fear of angering him, then I would suggest just moving to divorce, like believer suggested. If he is that abusive, then I would take steps to protect yourself and your children.

Lying about the amount he drinks is a warning sign. Hitting you while drunk when you are talking about him drinking too much is a warning sign. Continuing to drink when it is causing family problems is a warning sign.

I did nothing. 2 police officers came over and told him that they could have charged him with giving alcohol to minors and the one told me that I could press charges for what he did. When you love someone that much it is hard to take that action. Now I think to myself that maybe I should have, it I did then maybe he wouldn't be acting the way he is right now.

I have noticed since this all started, his drinking has slowed down, so what I get out of that is he is trying to impress her with the things that I have asked him to do a long time ago.
I read all the text messages that they send each other. He told her he quit smoking, he hasn't.

We have a timeshare in Maui, he told her that they will have to win a lottery so he can take her there. We booked our timeshare 3 months ago to take our kids on vacation.

I had mentioned to him that maybe he should talk to a pastor, he said when did you turn religious, I told him that you don't have to be religious to talk to them, he didn't say anymore. Just awhile ago they were talking about religion, go figure that's what I was talking to him about.

Seems like any conversation we have together at some point he is making conversation with her about the same things that we discuss, but not as him and I, he says it as him and her.

He confuses me so much, he is acting like he is 18 or 20 again, Mid-Life Crisis I think.

Yesterday I sent my H an email asking for a copy of his pay stub. He asked why I needed it. I told him "because I am your wife and I am entitled to see it", he said "I suppose legally you still are". He never sent it to me or said anything more, so I emailed the accountant and they sent me a copy, he found this out somehow. He sent me an email and why I beg the accountant for the pay stub, I didn't beg I just asked for them to send me a copy. He said that he would have given it to me after work, he should have told me that in the previous email. I had questioned him about his pay when he got paid because there was quite a bit of money missing. He said he kept some because he was going away. He also told me that he had nothing to hide. If this was the case why did he change from getting his pay stub in person to getting it via e-mail.I always make sure their aren't mistakes made on his cheques, he knows that. He got them to deposit $2300 in the bank to pay the bill for the month which are about $4500/month. He took $2350. He told me that it wasn't any of my concern, it is my concern when he doesn't leave enough for what has to be paid. Then to top it all off he texted the OW and told her, she told him to get paid in cash, that he works too much, makes too much money. His boss told him he can't pay him cash because of tax purposes, the OW told my H that his boss could get around that. She must not know there is a difference between Canadian and US laws. He shouldn't be discussing our finances with her anyway, right?
Is he feeling that guilty that he has to lie so much?

I think it is very revealing that she hasn't known him very long but is already very involved in his pocketbook.

You might want to work that into the conversation somehow.

"It doesn't bother you that this woman has only known you a few months, and yet she knows your finances better than I do? Sure sounds fishy to me."

And leave it at that. Just plant the seed. While he may get mad at you for mentioning it, he WILL begin to consider it, and any amount of distrust you can wedge in there will help.

There is also a service online where you can run a criminal background check on her for not a lot of money. I don't know the website offhand, but if you check around I'm sure you can find it. It might be worth the money, because this sounds kind of suspicious to me.

SB

Hi friends, I finally got the courage to send the OW a text message. I did it because I found out that my H asked our 2 older children for money so he could buy her a plane ticket to Canada.
I wrote: Do u like that my husband lies to u? Did he tell u he asked our kids for money to fly you to Canada?

She wrote: Who is this?

I wrote: Does it matter?

She wrote: Not really! i think you have da wrong number FREAK!

I wrote: Because of you one of his sons never wants to see or talk to him again.

She wrote: Whatever weird!

I wrote: Your are the wierd one, messing with a married man

She hasn't replied to that.

I am starting to feel better now that I have confronted her. Since she hasn't responded to my last message I am just wondering if I should send another.

Did your two older children give him money to fly her up there?

I would IMMEDIATELY put those children into Plan B.

They are not friends to your marriage, and while they are your children, they must understand that you are fighting for the recovery of your marriage, and flying the OW up there is NOT HELPING. They are not supporting your marriage if they do things like that. You must immediately stop sharing information with them about your feelings, and while you love them, if they are helping him with his affair, you cannot be in contact with them if they are supporting him to do what he's doing. Tell them that you love them, but while they are supporting their father in his affair you will be unable to talk with them - in order to preserve your love for them and to keep your heart safe for them.

And don't break the no-contact rule for yourself, because you really should mean business in this regard. Your kids need to understand the moral code here, and you need to be strong and firm in this regard.

I know they are your kids. I know you love them. And I know they are trying to support their dad. But in this case, they are doing the wrong thing - and supporting the wrong person. And your relationship with them will suffer if they are giving him money to support the affair. You need to minimize your contact with them, and they need to know why, and that you love them but that they are breaking your heart. That you are protecting your love for them.

Anyway, if they are giving him money, this OW is not only ripping off your H, she is ripping off YOUR KIDS, too.


You might also want to expose this to his parents. At some point, they might get outraged. Who knows.
But from what it sounds like, they have no backbone.

You might also want to mention the fact that this OW is stealing money from the kids....to your husband. Sometimes the money factor is more of a reality than anything.

Also, have you Googled her name? That is often an interesting eye-opener. Just go to Google, and put her name in the search box in quotations

"Jane Smith"

You might find out lots of interesting facts. Where she works, her husband's name, kids, hobbies, if she's been in the local paper, arrests, tickets, anything professional licenses she has had......lots of stuff.

SB

Thanks for the vote of confidence. My H asked our 18 year old son for money and he wouldn't give it to him because he said what his dad is doing is wrong. So the H went to our 20 year old daughter and she gave in to him. I was talking to my Uncle, he said to cancel the OW flight.

This OW is playing dumb with me as if I don't know who she is or what she is up to. She sent me another message and said Leave me alone weido(she has nice spelling).

I think you should tell her who you are. Tell her that you are the BS and that you are going to fight for your marriage. Tell her that you love your H and that you will not give up. Then I don't know that you need to talk with her anymore...she's just going to egg you on.

H will be upset that you talked with OW, but who cares? He is possessed right now. He is not thinking straight and his reactions are strictly wayward. You might actually get the point across that this married man will be harder to get than another and the OW might back off.

Are YOU going to the family reunion? I think you should. You need to show H that you are present in this M.

No I am not going to the family reunion. We live in British Columbia and the reunion is in Alberta. My H is already there. My youngest son and I stayed home. My daughter is going and my other son lives in Alberta but he said he isn't going because he doesn't want to be around his dad. I have no way of going to the reunion, I do not drive, and I wouldn't be able to sit on the bus for 11 hours. Sorry forgot to mention when I first joined MB that I was in a car accident 13 years ago, so that stops me from doing things sometimes.

I had sent him an email awhile ago telling him that it must not bother him that the kids don't like what he's doing, he replied back and said that at least he talks to the kids, and thats not what they tell him. Then he sent another one and told me to quit sending him messages. I just wrote back and said that I will not quit sending messages. I also said "Ruin your time, what have you done to Jordan and myself?"