I can see she is manipulating to get back, you know...the blog, etc. Calling you etc. I am glad you are not welcoming her back yet with open arms.

Like I said before you have about 10 requirements that have to be met before she returns home. Including the "changing over of her complete personality" from a selfish/toxic/liar/cheater to a normal loving woman.

The changes she needs to make are extensive. I can see the OM does not want her now....she is a millstone to any man, even he does not want to deal with her,,,,difficulties.

I hope you gave M a list of your conditions/requirements. Is that what you meant by you're just going to wait and see what she does while you remain dark?

Yes Princess, that's what I meant.

And...Stella, I am going to ask you kindly to please refrain from commenting on this thread anymore. No hard feelings, but you and I obviously don't share the same opinions and beliefs.
Thank You

BTW, I was told by M that SHE ended things with OM. Apparently, she made a list of all of the things she had given up to be with him (3 pages long) vs. all he gave up to be with her (ZERO items). Don't know the whole story yet, but that's what M informed me of.

This is awesome news. The conviction of the Holy Spirit is a powerful thing. My hope is that He is doing a deep, deep healing work in her. That's how my H began to come around. He couldn't live with himself and the things he was doing. He knew he had almost gone too far and away from God and realizes now that this is probably his last chance. It is with me at least. Keep on praying!

PM is correct. The conviction of the Holy Spirit is what eventually has the power to turn us away from sin and back in the light and mercy of our God.

Your silence in plan B has allowed a much more powerful force to turn your W from her sin.

Great news and turnaround, if you ask me.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Thanks guys, and, I COMPLETELY agree. Still, I have to remain a little skeptical and wait on God even now.

I just wish EVERYONE here on MB shared our beliefs!

What beliefs are you talking about?

btw, good work with WW. PLEASE don't back down and start communicating directly with her again. Please! Let her go at least a month having to go through M, and I hope you are strong enough to insist that she work on herself for at least 6 months before you let her come home. Otherwise, it will be a false change, and she'll just drift back to her old ways.

I agree. Be cautiously optimistic, and don't cut short the opportunity for the Holy Spirit to complete the work.

I think we all on this thread would love to see you and your kids reunited with a repentant, recovering, *former* WW who will build a M that's better than ever and who will work to heal the hurt and the rift with the kids.

Since this isn't her 1st affair though, remember: do what you've always done, and you will get what you've always gotten before. Don't take away the opportunity for her to experience consequences, to fully repent, and to experience growth. Christian forgiveness doesn't require enabling and protecting from consequences and growth opportunities.

Please know that I rejoice with you over these signs of hope and progress. I just want real recovery, not false recovery. You have a duty to protect your kids too.

I agree! I think this is KEY to any recovery if it happens. Before, she never had to face her sins because AB covered for her. Not this time.

Abandoned,

How goes it? Please fill us in when you have a minute.

From reading your blog today, I'm wondering what's going on with you and yours? I really hope it wasn't another move to shelter WW. Care to enlighten?

I'm very curious about that too.

Where is the blog?

Hopefully the link has been removed. Due to evil trolls, probably wouldn't be a good idea to post it.

Sorry no response for a few days. I think I felt a little jaded, you know.

WW has stopped seeing OM. I have conformation of that from M, and the knowledge that she has a cell phone in her possession that was a shared account the two of them started to communicate due to his distance.

I decided to leave my church, so to those of you who thought that was more important (my image) than anything else...there's your proof you were wrong. We have been in an Independent Baptist Church for 10 years, and I was growing tired of the legalism and traditionalism for years. I honestly know that did cause SOME of the M problems prior to the A.

I have been contacted by two other churches about coming on staff. I am praying about each.

The kids are much better. WW's demeanor around them has apparently improved greatly and they are at least communicating now.

Baby step...baby steps. WW did see her counselor again yesterday, not sure how that's going. It must be helping.

Thanks again for the priceless advice I have received here. I may not have liked or even accepted it all, but I know MB got me through with at least some sense of direction. This was exactly what I was looking for in early May. I'll update when necessary.

You wont like this but I will be as gentle as possible. I love God also. I love the truth too.

You are repeating the same actions you did after her first two affairs.

1. You were ashamed of her affairs the first two times, so you switched churches fast in order that she have no accountability and also, so the new church did not look down on "you" in any way.


2. In the new church you have switched to now, like you did before, she may be able to again have no accountability for her affairs and other selfish actions against you and the children. And of course no member of the new church will find out your wife has been cheating on you.

3. I feel really sorry you have to resort to this to avoid facing the truth about your wife and enacting any consequenses for her cheating behavior. I feel sorry you care so much about what church people think that you would work hard switching churches, dealing with all new people, in order to hide the fact your wife is a cheater.

Oh well, maybe it is more important to you to ignore the truth, take her back, and hide the truth from the church's than it is to struggle to impose and enforce any consequenses on her behavior.

If I recall, Stella...I asked you KINDLY NOT to respond on this thread again. However, since you couldn't resist, I will take the time to address your erroneous assumptions!

1. Switching churches has NOTHING to do with WW. Even before A, I knew this move was coming. Besides, WW's accountability is to God...not ANY church!

2. WW is not a part of the NEW church, whichever one I choose. During this morning's interview, I plainly informed the pastor of my marital status and even gave him many of the details surrounding it. And...besides, WW's accountability is to God...not ANY church!

3. It is not my job to "enact consequences." Again, WW's accountability is to God...not me! Honestly, there have been and continue to be consequences for her. It seems you think I should have her whipped at the stake or tarred and feathered. I suppose you've never made any bad decisions in your life?

Obviously, you haven't read "the blog." No, I'm not posting the address here again due to trolls who previously visited, but I have hid nothing, nor have I taken her back! If I do, rest assured I will not be seeking your approval...my accountability also is to God...not ANY anonymous, cold-hearted individual!

It seems that I responded while you were EDITING. This is a small area. EVERYONE knows what has happened. Members of the church I interviewed at this morning work for WW's company. Again, I am hiding NOTHING!

Again...as kindly as I know how...please refrain from future comments here. I treasure well-intentioned and Christian-based advice, but yours has turned into personal attacks on me, which I don't feel I deserve! God Bless You!

Stella,

FWIW, I think you were "spot on" with your assessment. Those who don't learn from past mistakes are doomed to repeat them. It's the same song, just a different verse.

I apologize that ive simply been lurking on your thread and never really participated until now, but I have to agree with MyRev and StellaKat, it does sound like a new cycle is beginning.

Best of luck to ya

FWIW, I KNEW how it would sound, I even knew what the perception would be. But...there are MUCH deeper issues at work regarding the church switch than even WW. No way to get into all of them here, but I will just say that the "cult-like" rules and standards of the church I am leaving were strangling EVERYONE in my family and that a change had been coming for years!

IF WW was home right now, then you could assume I was doing it for her benefit. SHE IS NOT! She had no part in the decision. I doubt she even knows about it yet.

I was contacted (honestly) by two churches in the same week about openings in their music departments. I have always volunteered for the past ten years. The financial consideration coupled with the legalism I had endured made these offers enticing. Simple as that. NO OTHER motivation! The sales job isn't exactly going strong now, I have to consider other sources of income whenever they present themselves.

In fact, as I volunteered the story of WW to the pastor this morning, he admitted that he already knew some of it from his own members BEFORE he called me. No hiding from rumor and gossip!

A new cycle is definitely beginning for the kids and I and my service to the Lord, but WW IS NOT a part of that.

If my primary concern was perception, I would never have left! You know those people assume that I only did it to get WW back. This is not, in any way, about her and that is not the case!