Well, IMO, SF is only one of the ENs necessary for a great marriage...

In my situation, SF was an EN which I met well...

My H fell "in love" with OW because she met other ENs which were MAJOR for him..

So, following MBer's principles, you can still work on your marriage..

In my view, CHEATING while MARRIED is WRONG..regardless of the circumstances..Marriage is a SACRED COVENANT and as you say, Brown..IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH...

HOWEVER, Brown, you need to take a look at whether YOU are able and willing to do YOUR PART as a WIFE...

Sounds like to me that it is necessary for you to make clear to him that you are now willing to work on being his WIFE in EVERY RESPECT.

YOU ARE HIS WIFE..SHE IS NOT...

What can you do about the SEXUAL ISSUE? Is it workable? Have you consulted with other physicians? Have you told your husband that you REALIZE how you NEGLECTED HIM? You are not meeting YOUR OWN OBLIGATIONS as a wife to not try to meet your H's EMOTIONAL NEEDS.

What about giving him TOP PRIORITY over ANYONE ELSE in your life..including YOUR FATHER...

THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES FOR HIM HAVING AN AFFAIR!!

But these issues most certainly left your marriage 110% VULNERABLE to what happened...

I don't think it's OK for me to encourage you to move on...

YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND and it sounds like he still has some LOVE for you..

He LOVED you enough to MARRY you...he's SHACKING with her..

IMO, HE CAN LOVE YOU AGAIN...

But there's some DECISIONS that YOU MUST MAKE...

DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED???

I do want my marriage. The last year has been tough but before that we were quite happy.
I have gone to the doc and got treatment and i can resume SF and he knows that.
He has been telling me that he would like to go to India to his parents and I told him that i am more than happy to go with him. But he still seems concerned that i will be giving up too much, my family and my career. I told him that he is the one most important. But he said he is not ready to recommit.

So if you FEEL that YOU'VE really made it CLEAR to him that you are ABLE and WILLING to do ALL of these things, I say that the ONLY CHANCE that you have to RECOVER your marriage is to do PLAN B!!

Let him know that you can and will RESUME SF upon reconciliation...

AND

That you will most definitely MOVE to INDIA...


I TOLD YOU TO STOP LISTENING TO HIM!!


GREAT!!!

ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU SAY..at this point...

Hi All

Mimi
I told him all these things - the SF he said he always understood that it bcos of the medical side of things. Re: India, he doesn't think i would go in reality so i am saying that i will no matter what!

I went to a baby shower of sorts. Well, an Indian version, where when the mother enters the last month of her pregnancy, she gets lots of gifts from her family n friends.
I was so happy for my cousin but yet sad in a way bcos i lost my baby four years ago. Maybe life would have been different if i hadn't miscarried.

I am so angry. H used to call me 'baby elephant' especially when i put on weight.
He is now calling her baby elephant!
How disgusting is that? Calling her the same!! Sick sick sick

So now you know it was BULLCRAP...

If you keep this up, YOU will LOSE your love for him.

I TOLD YOU..PLAN B is your ONLY OPTION...

NOTHING that he is doing is NEW or SURPRISING for a WAYWARD..

Yes, Brown, you can:


1. Carry out a firm and dark Plan B

2. Be done with the marriage

3. Move in with both of them and act as thier servent girl.

4. Live with it, ignore the problem, float along, and let nature take its course.


These are your only four choices left at this point.

Hey Brown,

Wanted to stop by and let you know I am thinking about you and wishing that things were easier. Our journeys are not what we want are they?

You are getting some great advice and it's good that you are opening up to the "truths" in your life. Then G-d can work his strength and blessings in your life when you are more at choice.

But you have choice, they just might not be the ones you wanted.

{{{{{{{{{{Brown}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Q and everyone
I have had a very tough couple of days. I found out that I have a tumour in the brain. Waiting to find out more as to whether malignant or not etc etc.
I told WH and he saw my results and he just couldn't handle it, just said it was too much to deal with and in typical wayside manner asked me not to expect much from him, he has nothing to give.
I am sure I will beat this and things will get better.
God bless u all

"I told WH and he saw my results and he just couldn't handle it, just said it was too much to deal with and in typical wayside manner asked me not to expect much from him, he has nothing to give."



I am sorry, but my mother said if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all.

Praying for your results to be ok.

Thank you for your prayers.

Having a bad day - could not go to work, can't stop thinking about the tests next week.

I have a scan on Monday - WH has asked to come, what do i do?

Brown - take this outside of your feelings right now.

Imagine you have a daughter who was just given the diagnosis you were given. And her husband says this:


Then he asks to be there when she has a brain scan less than a week after responding to this.

What would mother bear tell this man to do?

The thing is, Brown - he's a leach - he's been FEEDING off your loyalty and devotion to him and giving NOTHING to you.

Do you honestly think he'd "be there for you" on Monday?

I'd say NO RESPONSE to his request - silent as a rose - with thorns!

Kayla

U r right, he might even turn up ie be there physically but that is all will be, just a show!
I was crying when i found out n all he cud say was stop crying bcos he was fed up

{{{{{{{{{{{BROWN}}}}}}}}}

You deserve the best caring and love that is out there. If he can't give you anything that will be for YOU, go with someone else and let someone else who truly cares about you.

Don't settle for half measures when there is so much more.

STOP LISTENING TO HIM.

Please.

Don't EXPECT anything. They don't give, they just take and they take when they want.

You need to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE.

I know how hard that it, but please DO IT.

Please don't let him feed on you anymore. He wants to be there, to stroke himself - to think better of himself. But then you're going to be spending all your time focused on HIM and he's going to take a piece out of you each time you start to get real with your feelings about YOUR life to pull you back so he can take another piece out of you.

No access. Warn the nurses/doctors that he might try to show up and to turn him away for you. He's already told you not to expect him to SUPPORT YOU. Not to COUNT ON HIM.

Can he be any more clear that he should NOT be there?

This is the coldest, cruelest thing I've read on these boards so far!! You have a tumor and your WH complains that HE can't handle it???!!!!! Please go dark Brown. You don't need this toxicity around you right now. And take care of yourself - please!