Thank you Queenie
And I wholeheartedly agree,
Thank you Heavenly Father for you love mercy grace and justice. Please continue to lead and guide us in your path and your righteousness and bring your Holy Spirit upon WHs and cause the scales of sin and selfishness to fall from their eyes and see that your way is the only way to have true joy and peace and life.

May God bless your day today and everyday Queenie!

Love and prayers
KLB

Well, the paperwork is all copied and delivered to the lawyer. The originals are in my bag to go. I tried on and pressed my dress. I decided on shoes and jewelry. I even tried on my make-up, SOOOOO I guess there is nothing left to do except go spend the rest of the evening reading and praying!
I pray that all goes smoothly tomorrow morning. The support hearing is at 8:15, so I am to meet my lawyer at 8am tomorrow morning.
I am still standing strong and steadfast!

On a totally seperate note, I started a new project.... I am finally digging the hole to install the fish pond that WH and I bought together 2 years ago to put in at our patio. My boys have been "helping" We all know how helpful that is with a 5 year old and a 1 year old! But it has been fun. We still have a lot of digging to do, but I hope to have the hole dug by Monday and then we have to find some rocks to adorn the edge and fill! I think we are going to wait till next year to tackle the electrical aspects of having it be a fully functioning pond, but we are looking forward to the pleasures of watching some goldfish play! I am really starting to enjoy things again and look forward to things, I am still struggling with burn out with the kids (24/7) with no break for the last 4+ months has been exhausting especially with everyone (self included) being so emotionally needy and lack of sleep. I am still working on where the children are going to attend school for the coming year. I called one local Christian school and they are full and another costs 4300/child/year!! YIKES! I really didn't want to send them back to the local elementary school because the school is so bad! We live in the city and the local elem school has failed the PA standards test the last 7 years! I guess I need to keep praying and see what the Lord has in store for us and where he wants us to be!

Well, Today was the day... Finally our support hearing...It was a day that was okay the results were okay, but it was a day that just left me feeling empty and sad! It was the last time that I will see my WH for a while since the PFA was put into effect, and I believe that is a very good thing and is definitely from God! My WH needs this time alone truly alone without the ability to come home and depend on me to fix things or change things or make them better or anything Now only God the master healer can fix and change things, and I for one am more than grateful, because I have only served to make a mess, so now I cannot be involved or touch the situation to try in my messed up human way to "fix" anything except for me!
I have learned so much and discovered so much in the past few months and am looking forward to what the Lord will continue to do in my life and the lives of my children and others in the coming months and years. I learned while at my hearing today just how much I still love my husband. The only thing that concerns me is that according to some books this makes me "codependent"! I don't really think I understand or believe in all of this... All I know is that I realized that there is so much that we dispose of that still has so much purpose and use left in it and I don't know how to change that or address it really, but I know that my husband is still in there somewhere with so much love and goodness in him, so I am going to continue to pray and grow and learn and change and pray some more. Maybe in all of this prayer God will give me some insight as to how to bring some revival to our nation in regards to revival in our marriages and families. Our schools are sufferring our families are sufferring.... So, we will see what the Lord imparts and how he leads.....
Praying for God's special touch in all of our lives!!!
Blessing one and all.....
KLB

Glad things are going well. Maybe the Lord will use you to help others in some kind of ministry. I'm sure your hubby will be back when the affair is over. But a good Plan B will really help you.

Remember to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Try to rest and take good care of YOU since you have your little ones depending on you.

I wouldn't worry about the schools. My kids went to public schools, but I spent a lot of time at home teaching them too. They all read before they went to kindergarten. With lots of support from you, they will do just fine.

I will keep praying about the school thing. I know that public schools aren't bad I am a product of public school and have taught in them. The problem is this specific school working with my kid's needs, son has impulsivity and attention problems and last year he was literally screamed and hollered at EVERY day! He was so depressed and didn't want to go, and that was kindergarten! That is the issue, I guess it is time to get him formally evaluated, but we (WH, myself and Dr.) have decided to not do this to avoid him being labeled and all the school keeps asking for is him to be medicated! My daughter on the other hand is so smart, and they don't have the resources to help her, so she daydreams a lot and they get upset because then she is lazy and slow about doing her school work mainly because she is bored, so she had her recess taken away every day! They are not allowed to even talk in the lunchroom because there are not enough lunch staff to keep control. So, it is not just a small thing it is a lot of little things. I pray for the school and the new principal that she will be able to re-energize the teachers and motivate them to be caring and creative like they used to be!
It is just hard to see your kids who love to learn and explore go and be so bored and hate school. The school has to spend so much time on the children who are behind that the ones that are on track or ahead suffer by being held back or not challenged in new ways. I know this is a HUGE problem that we are facing in most schools across our nation and it is contributing to the high turnover and burnout rate of our teachers!
I am praying and trusting that God will supercede and show me how I can be a light and blessing to the school and my children this year, and for a miracle for my WH and the people that he is involved in....NOTHING is too big for my God!
My God is so great, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! Children's songs say it so true and plain!!!

NO KLB, nothing is too big for G-d.

I think you are right, WH needs time to live in his world, face his reality, and hit rock bottom. Mine is in the same situation and really if you think about it, not having that toxic person around us is a blessing.

Our need to take care of or fix the situation especially for me, would have continued and that is simply not the journey right now. G-d is the one who wants to be sought out by WH. Sometimes G-d is using us because he knows we are strong enough in our FAITH to walk through this TRUSTING him and letting our WH go. He knows that we will seek him for our comfort and deepen our relationship with him. So he can go after WH's and bring them down.

As for your child. I need to think about that. There isn't anything wrong having a child labeled, it can bring you helpful resources also allow you more freedoms, so to speak to move through the school system. You can listen to their suggestions, but that's all they are, you don't have to do them.

If you have some way, seek a natural dr out for help with your son, or you could look into controlling his diet and seeing if that helps. Our society is so quick to put those pills into children and yes sometimes they truly are the answer, but sometimes not and that is not the ONLY way.

hmmmm....have you considered the possibility that "codependency" is just another word for "completers," but taken from a "secular" standpoint and not from God's standpoint?

Adam "needed" something "more" than all that God had given him.

God gave Eve to Adam.

"This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!"

And Adam was completed with Eve as his equal partner in a monogamous "marriage," ordained by God.

They were "dependent" upon each other, under God.

God bless.

ForeverHers,
That has always been my understanding was that I was his completer/complement. I am bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, I just don't know which way or what I am supposed to do now. I am okay by myself and I am trusting the Lord and growing in my dependence and relationship with Him, but what does this mean for my life and for the future. I am so confused about what my future is and where my future is. I am trying to figure out a budget and if I can remain with the children in our home, but is that where I am supposed to be or what I want to happen. When does this get easier or I guess a better word for it would be clearer. I am emotionally stable and seeking the Lord and His will for my life, but all I feel and hear is nothingness. I know that God answers yes, no, or be still and wait. I believe that this could be a be still and wait, but I am scared, I am lonely, I am sad, I have been so burdened at night for my H and pray for him and for the Lord's will to be done in and through my life and his life too! I want to be whole and complete and I don't know how to hear God. I listen, but there is so much noise within me and I don't know how to quiet it and be still and quiet within myself.
I can see the evidence of God changing me and working through the situation. I feel Him within, but I cannot hear Him. I still am tormented by negative and thoughts that come from Satan trying to pull me away from God and the path. How do I make them stop, do they stop on their ownwhen Satan realizes that he cannot have me that I am firmly and totally God's? I love my husband so much still, that is from God right? It has to be from God with all that has happened and all the lies and betrayal and things that have tried to pull us apart, or am I wrong in this?
I have so many questions, I just don't understand, I believe what Queenie said that I am strong enough in my Faith to withstand what is going on and happening, but I still feel so saddened by how far my H is from God and the man he used to be, but maybe all of that was pretend that it really wasn't a real and true faith? I want to be diligent and strive to love my husband even while he is gone, but then there are other parts of me that just want to move on. I know what God's best is, but that doesn't mean that I will receive that because my WH has to choose to hear and return to God and pursue healing, I know God is capable of anything and nothing is too great for Him, but what is the path that I am to take? I wish that I could have just a glimpse of God's working in my WH, you know some glimmer of hope that WH is hearing God that God is calling to him.....

Praying for clarity,
KLB

However, he is not honoring our monogamous marriage and he is not under God, so where does that leave me?

Standing in the gap for him.

Hi PM,
I don't understand, by standing in the gap for him do you mean that I am to pray and pray and keep staying firm and faithful and pray some more?
If you mean otherwise I need to be clued

Yes, you continue to petition the Father on his behalf as you have been. BUT that doesn't mean that you can't let go. You'll know when you're ready to release him completely.

You mean forever, because that is the part that scares me! Yet at the same time it could be exciting. I just wish I knew what God wanted/is doing.

KLB

God wants you to stay married and for hubby to repent. However YOU have no control over that.

Continue being a good man and faithful servant. God will do the rest.

(((klb))) If I told you that it might not get "easier" for a long time, would that scare or deter you from standing with God no matter what the "circumstances of the day" are?

Not to be trite or unfeeling, but it gets "easier" when you learn to "rest in the Lord" in actual surrender to Him as your Lord. Here's something to think about as you contemplate that: do you want God to be the God you want Him to be, or to be the God who He is? Don't answer that too quickly, but think about it and think about the ramifications of either answer.



Think about this a little more and ask yourself a question. Answer it honestly to yourself. You don't have to tell anyone else about it if you don't want to, but be "radically honest" with yourself. Things are a "mess" right now in your life. I think we all recognize that and we have all been dealing with our own "messes." Here's the question: Don't you already KNOW what the will of the Lord is for your life?

Continuing to uphold your husband to the Lord in prayer IS "part" of being obedient to the Lord, but what I'd like you think of as you answer that question is 'what is God's purpose in creating mankind and in creating you?'




"Quiet and still" IS nice, and it is often helpful. But do you think that Jesus was always "quiet and still?" God always knows what is in your heart and your mind, and the Holy Spirit intercedes with Jesus and the Father on your behalf with what are called "groans," a language that God Himself understands, and that the Holy Spirit uses to convey your "heart" to God when you DON'T know what to say or how to say it. The Holy Spirit indwells you….and He is also called the "Helper," another "Comforter."

Why? Because believers WILL have problems in their lives, and God does NOT abandon those who are His, no matter what the circumstances are in their lives. If you doubt me on this one, read Romans 8:28 again and see God's promise to you as His child.



God once spoke to us through the Prophets. Today He speaks to us through His Son. His Son promised to send you, and me and all believers, the Holy Spirit to indwell us and HIS chief function is to "bring to remembrance" all that Jesus said. He is speaking, and you can hear Him as you read the Scriptures. But don't just "read" it, read it and meditate on it. Read verses that pertain to whatever situation you are facing, and let God speak to you through what He has already provided to you.



I'm not sure you can "make them stop." But one way to "turn the volume down," perhaps even getting them to "mute," is to take them immediately to the Lord. He KNOWS what you are feeling and thinking and He has told you to take ALL of your prayers and petitions to Him. HE doesn't "need them," but He has told us to be obedient to Him in this respect because He knows WE need to do so as the trials of this world assault us. He warned us "in advance," that Christians WILL be assaulted on many levels, and tell us to "turn to Him" when we are in need. Can you do that? "I can do all things through Christ who gives me his strength." Jesus did just that on many occasions, the greatest being the night before He was to be crucified and to pay the penalty of separation from God for us. How many "voices" screaming for his blood, screaming FOR sin, do think Jesus might have heard? It's not "easy," but the example Jesus set for us was His "way" to "make them stop,"… "nevertheless, not my will but your will, Father, be done." Secure in the Lord. THAT is what comforts us the most and "quiets the voices."




Of course it's right. At the very least it is following the Second Greatest Commandment.

Does God love us even when we are sinning?




Not sure what you mean by "It has to be from God." Certainly God "allows" things to happen, but that's not necessarily the same thing as "being from God," as if God were the cause of evil.



I can't judge whether or not your husband had a true saving conversion, but let's assume for the moment that he did. So what is happening now? One of the reasons we are cautioned to "flee" from sin is because sin DOES "ensnare" the one who is sinning, in willful disobedience to God. Regardless, continue to hold him up in prayer to God.




God understands this. In large part is due to the unresponsiveness of your husband, and events will unfold that will give you "peace of mind" should a decision to "move on" need to be made. That is also why it's important to take even that decision to the Lord in prayer, because God knows your husband's heart and He is also a "God of Peace" for those who love Him and are submitting their will to His will.




The "path" of servant of the Lord God is the answer to that question. "God's best" does not automatically mean that you "must" remain married to your husband. God's best is what is best for you and your relationship with God. If that is to include your husband then you are correct that it will also require his repentance and serving the Lord in humble obedience to God. The "path" you speak of here is really what is entailed in the phrase, "walking in the Spirit." That "how does one walk in the Spirit" may be an area you'd like to discuss further sometime. If so, let me know and we can talk about that a little.




Amen. And perhaps what you described as his "awareness" of the pain he has caused at the court proceeding for the PFA may be the first inkling of some hope. Sometimes it doesn't happen until the reality of actions begins to become real and cannot be "denied" anymore.




Pray also for wisdom, as God has promised to grant wisdom to all who ask.

God bless.

ForeverHers,
I will definitely be taking more time to reflect and spend serious time in prayer over some of your questions, but I do have a few thoughts after reading....


What I was trying to say was that the love that I still feel and the ability to forgive at least vertically is from God and I should be grateful for it even though I don't really understand still loving him.



I definitely want him to be the God that he is, not my pathetic human attempts, but I understand what you mean about the ramifications of saying this, However, that doesn't mean that just because I am finite and cannot comprehend fully that I want God to bend to me, I just am struggling with understanding the scriptures. I think that is due to lack of good tools, not that God has neglected anything... I just have a women's devotional Bible, it is good and fine, but I think I really need to get something to help me dig deeper into what things mean and teach me how to study the scriptures and find verses and passages easier that will guide me to places to study for different things. That being said, I am not too sure what I could satisfy this need. Anyway, little bunny trail, but I am back to the thought at hand... I want to know God and understand God as he truly is, and be able to find peace and comfort in this because he is the only one who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow!

These questions I am going to need more time with, I know that God created humans to seek and desire a relationship with Him, and that is my purpose in one sense to seek Him and grow closer and more dependent upon Him, while radiating and taking Him to others, BUT, why me? I don't know! I know that I am here for my children, but I don't know what my purpose is, I just don't know, but I will definitely be praying on this more.



I definitely want to know more, I think clarity in this could help me to understand the above issues too as to my greater yet more personal purpose.

I am going to go think and pray over some more of this, but I appreciate your direct and purposeful advice and questions. I really want to grow and change and draw closer to and more upon God, I just struggle with the how at times. Godly examples and influences in my life are only what I see at church. Thank you!

Well, I guess my cycle has shifted again. Today I am smacked with ANGER! Things here have just been so filled with little challenges that in the face of exhaustion and dwindling resources feel like mountains instead of the molehills that I know them to really be. I think it is the volume of molehills to be handled at one time that is frustrating and pushing me to the edge of the volcano! Let's see today beheld:
the children's issues
the dehumidifier broke and the basement is disgusting with mildew and mold
the dryer is on the fritz
the front door is broken
oh, yeah, and my daughter had a friend and her brother over on Sunday (the brother brought his Wii) and then the Monday they called to let me know that they had also left behind a package... HEAD LICE! Yippee!!!! Thankfully it is Wed and we are still symptom free, but I still have about 8 loads of laundry with a dryer on the fritz.
Satan you stink! You need to back off because I have absolutely had enough! I may sin, but I still belong to God and you cannot win this war, it is accomplished!!! Yet, I am still struggling with anger toward WH feeling abandoned and angry as heck! I should not have to deal with any of this alone, yet due to his selfishness that is exactly where I find myself....ALONE, I know that God is always with me, but I really could use a human hug from time to time! I am still frustrated with the church situation, not knowing where I am supposed to be or what really am I supposed to be doing, besides barely getting through each day! I thought I would be over alot of this by now, yes I know it has only been 4.5 mos, but AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
Okay, that is better at least I vented a little, I am waiting for my ride to prayer meeting tonight, I need a little break from the kids and some time alone with God!
Please pray for me to be able to let go of my anger to accept it but to leave it at the alter tonight so that I can find my way through to feeling whole again. Also for wisdom and discernment regarding finances and decisions that will need to be made! Thank you everyone!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{KLB}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm praying for you.

And yes Satan LEAVE HER ALONE, she is WITH G-d and he is PROTECTING HER AND HER FAMILY FROM YOU.

Thank you Queenie, and I am praying for you also. May the Lord of all comfort and peace guard you and protect your heart and mind.

BOTH OF OUR HEARTS and MIND...BOTH sweet one.