Respond, meaning defend yourself I assume.


I don't know if I'm interpretting this correctly or not so forgive me if I'm not. It sounds to me as though you have in effect "set her up" by allowing her to abuse you, mark you with scratches and bruises which you carefully documented and now you are changing the rules.

Now she has been warned that should this ever occur again (which it likely will) that not only will you respond in self defense (possibly hurting her) but you will also use previously compiled evidence of abuse against you that she probably is not even aware that you have collected.

Somethin' don't smell right. TrustDoe may be newbie but he/she is probably not all that far off base. If your interactions with your XGF is anything like some of your interactions here on the board I can envision you taunting, provoking or even daring her to make the stupid choice to attack you. Words can indeed provoke action.

Anyway, all that aside, I hate to see a double standard used amongst genders. Whether it's a man or a woman, assault is assault. If you feel a crime has been committed against you then IMO you should file charges. I don't particularly care for the idea of letting separate incidents pile up, especially when you admittedly have permitted those incidents to escalate to the extent that they did.

A RO is probably appropriate also, should you decide to file charges. I would also be concerned for your son's safety. If she has anger management issues, what's to say that she won't go berserk on your son while they are visiting one day?

Were her rights terminated? If so, then you owe her nothing. Why expose your son to her violence? I can understand after the 1st time, but for this to happen five times? Come on MEDC, based on what I've read in your posting history, you wouldn't hesitate to STRONGLY urge anyone else to shut the door permanently and to press charges. Why is it different when it involves your life?

I am so sad to read this. Your little boy's eyes had to witness this atrocity.

Let me ask you something .... what do you think is wrong with your EX?
Does she need mental health intervention?
Has she assaulted other people as well?
Is she getting high on something?

If she needs mental health - might that be a part of what happens after her arrest?

sorry ....

BA...the rules were never changed. She...like all people that use violence in relationships just promised it would never happen again. The first time it happened we actually sat down with a detective in a local police station (I happen to know him pretty well) and she was informed as to how serious these things are taken.



She is fully aware.


As for the rest of your post, I would suggest before you go running your mouth off about me provoking her, you get your facts straight. I have not permitted anything. She has never had my permission to hit, kick, scratch or anything else. What a stupid statement that is. Nice to see you have aligned your thinking with Trustdoe...when you read his posts you will understand what I mean. Your maturity levels seem a perfect match.

She has never acted out with my son at all...but it is a concern that I need to address.

Hi Pep. She seems to live in a world where she feels that she deserves everything she wants and that consequences of her actions should never touch her once she has changed her behavior. Once she stopped screwing around with her friend...well, she thought I should automatically take her back.

I don't think she has ever assaulted anyone else. She has totally alienated her entire family. Her brother, mother and father has all written her off as she habitually lied to all of them. Interventions didn't work. She did sit down with a therapist for about 3 sessions and when she relayed some of the things her doctor supposedly said, I asked to go with her for a session. Turns out she was lying to the therapist as well. She has gone to my IC a few times too and has lied to him.

She seemed to be getting better...honestly trying to put her life in order. She just loses it when she realizes that she has lost any chance at having a relationship with me.

As for a diagnosis...I don't know. My therapist has not seen her enough to be sure but suspects a some type of dissociative disorder. It would seem to fit.

She doesn't get high. She did have some issues with alcohol in the past but has not had a drink (as far as I know) for almost 4 years.

My therapist thinks she needs 2-3 day a week therapy but does not feel at present that she is a danger in any way to my son.

Hi PM. I am not sure that I would always advise a man to file charges...but I see your point. IF I did not have full custody already (and yes, she has no rights as per the courts now), I would automatically file charges. It would help me win custody.
There is a certain benefit to filing them if it would force her to take an aggression therapy course.

I am getting opinions that consistently fall in line with your thinking. I will speak to my IC tomorrow and make a decision after that. As much as it hurts my son in the short term, it might be best to take some strong action right now to put a stop to this.

Thanks for your help/input.

MM...I will reply to your post later when I have more time. And BTW, I was not rude to her at all. Things were calm and cool. She just didn't like being told "no." Even by her own admission, she acted like a two year old.

**EDIT**

how many fathers do you know that have 100% custody and the mom has terminated legal rights???? How many??? Do you think there is a reason for that?

I can see from your past posts about your insecurity that you are very immature...okay...so I will assume that you are just immature and not trying to be rude.

Let me ask you...would you say to a woman that was just hit by her husband..."how did you provoke him???"

Your opinion is no longer needed on this thread.

Can we please keep this respectful without casting aspersions on MEDC please.

It may indeed sound stupid but that is in fact what you posted.


Again, am I misinterpretting this statement? It sounds pretty clear to me and you're right, it sounds pretty stupid.

I am not aligning with anyone. Your response is evidence enough that you have can easily be set off on a verbal assault. Like you, I call them as I see them.

I'm sure you can take care of yourself. I hope your son is safe when he visits with her alone.

Dufresne,

I apologize if anything in either of my posts is against the TOS or disrepectful to medc in any way. I don't believe so.

I will bow out. I have shared my thoughts on the matter.

MEDC - File charges. No one has the right to assault you. She needs to have the law STOP HER. I hope it isn't too late. Don't try to take things into your own hands. She has gone WAY over the line.

While I'm sure that you can take care of yourself, what she is doing is AGAINST the law. What would you tell a woman who was repeatedly assaulted by a man, even though the man was "sorry" afterwards - like they all are??????????????????????

And as an formerly abused woman, I can tell you that after they go to jail a few times, they suddenly CAN control themselves.

It's difficult for me to look at this, but while I have always been good at protecting other people I am not so good at doing it for myself. If I am honest with myself, I have a higher tolerance for someone hurting me than I do for those I care about being hurt.

I have wrongfully assumed that she would get what she was doing and stop. Obviously that is wrong. And while I do not fear her, I also do not need to be an easy target for her misplaced aggression.

Thanks for all the comments(well, most of you anyway). I plan on filing a report tomorrow and offering her a choice later in the day as to a RO or that she immediately enroll if a class designed for abusers. If she does not have the arrangements for these classes made by the end of the day Friday, I will file a RO.

I think the RO is a good idea MEDC - but how will your son feel about it?

He would be heartbroken...it might be a tough call I have to make.
I do not think it is going to come to that. I honestly believe she will enroll immediately and get herself under control.

Here's hoping.

Hope isn't a plan. I hope you don't paint yourself in a corner.

Good luck MEDC. It doesn't matter if you can protect yourself or not. You shouldn't tolerate being assaulted. I gotta take a hard line with you. As a victim, I tried placating, insisting on anger management, counseling, etc. It didn't work.

When my abuser went to jail (twice), the abuse STOPPED. And don't fool yourself. What your wife is doing is ABUSE.

And I think you KNOW that.

That is exactly what I meant by not being good at protecting myself. I wasn't talking about physically defending against an attack. I need to take steps to assure there is no assault in the first place. I will do that today.

Anger management does not work at all IMHO.

And yes, it is abuse. And it will be stopped now.