ForeverHers,
I am trying to take your advice about surrendering myself to God fully, but I don't know how to do this? I guess I should add as a note to this, I am struggling with a lot of areas with making my life/actions reflect my faith and beliefs, I have not had any real examples to follow other than what I see on a Sunday and then that is only in a church not everyday existance, I feel like I need a mentor or an older woman of faith to help me figure out how to really live what the Bible and God asks of me. Also I have no clue where or how to start studying the word. I have been reading it and pondering it, but I don't "hear" anything being revealed and I really don't know where to start to read to really find the change and peace and comfort that I hear about from many people that they get from the word?

I am also still trying to figure out what is my purpose, you made it sound as if it is so clear? What am I missing? I mean I know that I am to love and seek God, but what is my purpose for Him, what am I to do that will be my service or mission when I can't even find anything that makes me happy and get through each day more enjoyably?

I look forward to hearing your wisdom in these matters....
Oh, I started back with the counseling this week, it is via the phone until we can work out a way to get me there physically. I guess that is a start.
KLB

Hi KLB,

I find when I force myself to hear G-ds word it doesn't come. Sometimes it comes through conversations around me, billboards, commericials, trucks, signs, church signs, etc.

Forever will be along with more insightful ways, as mine is limited, but what I try to do is set time aside each day, in the morning and at night and talk to G-d and then I just settle myself and listen.

Sometimes I open up my bible and go straight to a passage and it's perfect for what I need to hear. And Charlene Cares, that email that I think you get is awesome and when I am really in touch with G-ds word seems to have all the messages I need as I need them.

It's so much easier to give advice and I need to remember this. I have to trust that G-d will reveal his plan to me as I go along. As someone, Johnstwin reminds me many times, G-d doesn't promise he will reveal the plan, he just promises he has a plan to bless us.

So I start with asking for the willingness to keep walking in FAITH and build my TRUST in him for all WAYS...

So much easier said than done, but I work on it. DAILY.

Hope that helps, toss what you don't like.

Thanks Queenie,
That does help and it is very true of me too, I open and read God's word expecting to hear or feel or understand and then I don't and I get frustrated and think this isn't working or maybe I didn't try hard enough, but mostly it is that I need to find a way to quiet me and just listen, this has been really hard to do lately, when I finally do get my brain to stop going a million miles a second I fall asleep! How do I find that place of inner quiet to listen without falling asleep?????

Thank you for your insight. I have really been struggling with frustration and lonliness. I don't really miss WH anymore specifically, I am just lonely for any companionship and person to talk to and share with, then when I am with others it is like a rushing river torent that comes out before I can even take a second to see to being a friend to anyone else. It isn't that I think that myself or my problems are more important like I want to top them or make them feel that they are unimportant, but I know that I do, it is simply I am alone all the time and have no one just my computer to talk to and it doesn't really help. You know I understand about sacrificing ourselves for our WH to meet their needs and giving to our children to meet their needs, but I am truly at the bottom of my own love tank with everything. My parents have been a pain and I am never without these three kids. I love them but I still haven't had any time alone to work through my own pain and grief! I JUST NEED A BREAK! Sorry for that diversion, but yes I am struggling and need to find a way to connect to God and find peace and be able to still my mind always. I just havent found it yet and then I lose self control and holler and cry at the kids and that isn't fair they are hurting too, but unfortunately they are all that is here and they are having their own behavior issues that are driving me nuts they are understandable but they are making me nuts!

Thank you for the advice I will try it out!
KLB

{{{KLB}}}

I fall asleep many times as well, but really if you think about it, your last thoughts are of G-d and you can be asking him as you fall asleep to talk to you while you sleep. I do that sometimes.

I so totally get this. I think I am going to make me a burning bush and have it light up in my room when I need someone to talk to and have them talk to me back. I really really do understand this loneliness and frustration. I don't know if I have worked through how to get through it as much as I just know it will pass. But while going through it, please remember you aren't alone and what you are feeling is normal. It just sucks and it hurts and its sad.

Yes, I understand this as well, though I have to be honest I am more fortunate in that my children are older. However they are more suspectible to trouble and the worrying etc, took it's toll. Ask G-d for help, in all things.

I truly just talk to G-d all day long throughout the day. Sometimes when I am at my worst, I get on my knees and pray for guidance and beg him to kill me, which I don't mean, but the pain is too much to bear. But I promised Mimi, that I wouldn't do anything and so it helps me to take that choice away.

Oh KLB, I am here, and I understand and will give you my phone number if you like so you dont feel so alone at those times. I'm heading out today so the walls don't close in on me, but you will be in my prayers for sure.

All the encouragment, all the saying you will get through this, and everyone else, as much as it means well doesn't make it feel truly better because they have lives, their M are recovered or they have recovered themselves.

I'm am further along than you, but I UNDERSTAND and there isn't really anything that I can do because I am not G-d. But I do know that it gets easier, but it takes so long and there is so much overwhelming pain to get through.

I HATE this, I hate you are going through it and I wish I could take it away for you, but I can't because G-d believes in you as do all of us. And maybe just knowing that we might not be there in your house, we are in there with your spirit, holding you up like angels as G-d shines his love down on you and covers you with his protection.

Keep walking my friend. If you stop in he!!, where do you end up?

{{{{{{KLB}}}}}

{{{Queenie}}}


There is a country song along this theme and the words are so appropriate to what and where we are at this time in life....

Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you
That's when you learn the truth

If you're going through h*ll
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah

But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragginig for so long
You're on your knees
You maight as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying

If your going through h*ll
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Yeah, If you're going through h*ll
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

If you're going through h*ll
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Yeah, If you're going through h*ll
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, you might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there.

I just copied all the lyrics, but I think the chorus of the song has it right, keep on moving, keep putting one foot in front of the other and you WILL get out and have victory. I know this it is just harder at times than others!

I like your burning bush idea and I am going to do just that I am going to get an artificial tree and put Christmas lights on it as a reminder that He is always with me and I am safe in his everlasting arms.

Love and prayers are going out and up for you Queenie and we WILL succeed keep on going and I am here for you too any time and we will keep each other moving!

{{{KLB}}}

Here's an idea that will help this issue, the kids issue, and your health - set your kids up with a movie, give your D8 the 'assignment' of being responsible for your baby while they watch the movie, and go in your bedroom, lock the door, and put a yoga DVD in and do 30 minutes of yoga (adjust this scenario to work in your home).

It does wonders.

I really want to believe, but all I am is angry!!! I got an email from my in-laws WH needs his suit for a funeral, yeah well, too bad for him! But being the nice person I am I had my parents take it so that it could be picked up. I really am struggling with disappointment, I just wish that something could make him suffer instead of the kids and I always being punished! The support hearing was only 2 weeks ago and he already didn't pay the second week!!!!! God I pray that you are doing something in all of our lives that we just can't see yet because I am struggling with everything right now and I need for you to intercede and please take this anger from me. I know that Jesus was angry when he saw the merchants and moneychangers defiling your house, but in me I know that this anger has led and could lead me to sin and go down the wrong path, so I am confessing it and asking you to please take it from me.

They act like nothing is wrong with any of this! It is ALL WRONG!I knowt hat the kids and I are alright, but I want my husband back, I know that I don't need him, but I want my husband, but then I truly think about it and I don't think that it really is him that I want but just someone, the old man would be great, but there is no going back no getting that man back no matter what. WHY DOES HE GET TO BE HAPPY AND I GET PAIN!?!? Sometimes I just want to run away from everything and just not feel all this pain. My H was my best friend and now I am alone and it just seems that EVERYTHING is falling apart today and breaking and I have been at the ragged end of the rope and I don't know if I can hang on any more. I want to but don't know how@ PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! PLEASE.......

{{{{{{{{{KLB}}}}}}}}

I'm right here, you are alone, I am right here praying with you.

It's ok to feel everything you feel, it's ok not to understand and it's ok to not believe what I say, because some days I don't believe people either.

But I'm right here, go ahead and hit me, know that I believe in you.

I TOTALLY and COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so here we are, the two who were left while our WH's are out doing whatever they are doing. We don't know, do we really know what is going on over on their side of the street. NO

Only G-d does and he isn't revealing it to us. He isn't even revealing to us his plans for US. So we have to TRUST him.

So just breathe, feel the sadness. Know that no amount of pain will kill you, but what you do with it will.

Know that this too shall pass. Get through this second... and then the next and just concentrate on little seconds, and then minutes.

Well, reality check today... How many others are buying in to the lies of Satan the deceiver? Do you tell yourself it is okay to holler, or have fits of anger or unkind words to just fly out. Is it okay to say we cant because we are tired (emotionally physically spiritually or any other tired!)
I know that I have been far too guilty for far too long and I am done with the lies of the deceiver. I am going to sing the song of Psalm 16 and praise and be fully reliant and confident in God and his power and provision. Please keep me faithful and accountable as I endeavor to change this huge bad habit of my character to be molded and refined through the Holy Fire for Christ.

My goal is to vent here and believe that doesn;t mean that I am not realistic in realizing that I will have moments of poor choices, I am human, but I am not going to live believing that that behavior is acceptable or pleasing to God. Thank you all for helping me to grow and endure this horrible trial! God knows what he is doing I just need to remember this and believe and have faith in His promises. Easier said than done some days, but thankfully I have found MB and all of you!

Queenie I am praying that you had a good weekend Thank you for your encouragement!

To the person with the Yoga suggestion, I am looking for a DVD from the library to try it out! Thank you!

klb, one thing I can tell you for certain is that looking for these types of answers in the Eastern Religion of "yoga" is a questionable direction in which to head for a believer in Christ.



klb, it sounds very much like the "hunger of a starving person" who is trying to "eat the whole elephant" at one sitting. No one can do that sort of thing, but it can be done over time by taking ONE bite at a time, one "meal" at a time, and over time, the whole "elephant" can be taken in, digested, and made a part of "who you are." Unlike "roughage" that you simply eat because it tastes good but that passes through the body unchanged, and thus of no real lasting use for the body, you don't want to treat the study of the Word of God as if it were "roughage" simply to be consumed. It needs to be applied to your life.

So, let's just think of all of your questions as "the elephant."

Pick one meal at at time.

What is the "most pressing" issue you'd like to address and let's start there, what do you say?

What is the ONE issue you'd like to tackle and gnaw on FIRST?


God bless.

Thank you and you are so right ForeverHers, I am trying to fix the whole package at one time and it is getting very frustrating and confusing, so I have decided that I need to focus first on my anger/temper which first means that here it goes.... I surrender ALL of my husband to you God I give MAB entirely into your hands, he has been physically and such in your hands, but I am releasing my mind from him for you to concentrate on him and me to concentrate on me, not me with him or hoping for him or if when maybe him, but me who I am in You and who I choose to be, heck I may even figure out what I really like to do and eat and wear for me and not for anyone else! I am conquering fears and doubts and some of my areas of habitual sin (you know the things we humans all do that we justify, but are still really sins) even those areas God I give myself and my husband individually to You, mold me and create in me a clean heart, heal me and take my anger and frustration, there is no point to it, expressing and stewing in it just locks me in and heads me toward the path that Satan wants and you don't! Hold me in the shadow and shelter of Your wing until I am strong enough in You to stand and soar! Thank you Father for my MB friends who are encouraging me and teaching me and helping me to learn about the woman You created and already can see complete and fulfilling Your purpose and mission for my life. Guide my steps one step at a time. Thank your for my children and the blessing that they are even when I choose not to see them as a blessing! Thank you Father for everything that I have been through the joys the sorrows the pain and even the lonliness, because You are there in each and I praise You and thank you for my life!

How do I begin to really study the scriptures and grow? I don't have a Bible with study notes or concordance features. It is just a women's devotional bible. But I want to focus on the area of learning about peace and getting rid of anger, so how and where do I begin? I have currently been just reading through random books of the Bible just trying to let each one teach me, which is fine, but I want to change in this area, so where/how do I focus this?

Thanks
KLB

There is no possibility of joining a women's Bible study group where you live? I've been in one for 15 years, and just love it.

How do I begin to really study the scriptures and grow?

klb - Just as you are doing...pick a subject and begin to examine it with Scripture, Commentaries, Discussions, etc.


I don't have a Bible with study notes or concordance features. It is just a women's devotional bible.

You can begin right here, just asking questions and discussing things.

If you'd like a free resource to help you a little with this, I can recommend a website for you where you can get some Study software that includes copies of several Bible translations, commentaries, etc., with which you can begin to study words and topics.

The web address is: FreeBibleSoftware.com provided by the non-profit E4 Group.


But I want to focus on the area of learning about peace and getting rid of anger, so how and where do I begin?

We can begin here if you'd like, or we could start another thread just as a "study thread." If you want to do that, I'd suggest the General Discussion forum Other Topics as a place to have such a study since it's not directly related to infidelity.

In addition, I have a pamphlet on Anger that might be of some help to you in your study and I can see about possibly emailing it to you.

One thing to keep in mind about anger is that there are two "types" of anger: righteous and unrighteous. The former is okay and the latter leads to committing sins ourselves.


I have currently been just reading through random books of the Bible just trying to let each one teach me, which is fine, but I want to change in this area, so where/how do I focus this?

See above. Focus. One area at a time.


God bless.

Hi KLB,

I have been away for a few weeks but I have been wondering how you are. I know just where you are coming from with the distracted prayer and Bible study. There were weeks at a time when God could not get my attention with a baseball bat. I had to let the Holy Spirit pray for me and I mostly listened to a local Christian radio station because I could not concentrate enough to read the Word. You can listen to this one out of Pittsburg online at www.wordfm.com. I also wrote Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God, on sticky notes and posted them all over my house, bathroom mirror, fridge, inside my wallet, inside drawers, so that I would see it at unexpected times. It had a very calming affect on me.

Crosswalk.com is an excellant place for Bible study help on days that you are able. Oneplace.com allows you to listen to any ministry that you like any time of day or night. I set my alarm to Word FM and awake to God's word every day. It is amazing how many times I awake to the exact words that I need to hear. He is so good and he does provide exactly what you need in the most unusual ways.

If you will send me your mailing address I will send you a study Bible. In fact, I would be delighted and honored to.

Just know that you are loved, by God and by so many of us who have never laid eyes on you. You and your dear children are in my prayers.

God's Blessings,

Say

Thank you everyone and yes yes yes I am interested! I would love to learn and grow. My therapist has recommended homework, I am to write about and journal my thoughts and emotions and read and reflect upon Psalm 22 &37 everyday for the next week. I like 37, 22 I am not as familiar with, but 37 and 55 struck a chord with me. I will be away till Saturday, so I will get back to everyone then.....
My email is klbenfield@hotmail.com Don't know if it was supposed to go here, but if not sorry!

Thank you all!
KLB

Okay, so the church finally got back to me regarding help in sending my daughter to the Christian School, they offered to pay half the tuition which would mean that I would have to pay or get others to provide $2300 for daughter only to attend. Son is fine with going back to public school, daughter hated it there and wants to go to Christian School. I feel that is a lot of money especially when support is even worse now than before the hearing! What a pain in the tush! I really hope that WH gets a sharp rap on the head with one of the Lord's larger mallets to wake him up!!!!! Anyway enough bunny trailing.... So, I am unsure because there is still alot of issues to consider. I still don't have a car, so what do I do if she is sick? The school is 8 miles away. Okay little hurdle, but not enough to say no, but well, I guess what I am asking is what is everyone's opinions????? I would love for her to go there I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for her and it is a safe loving spiritually sound environment for a tender 8 year old who has sufferred so much this year to heal and grow.

Emotionally we are all doing okay, good really, I have been slapped upside the head a few times lately with God's mallets, so I think I am finally starting to realize that I get to decide whether I reject or accept the thoughts swirling within. There is a saying that you should not harbor a negative thought for more than 3 seconds because if you do not take it captive it will grow and flourish like wildfire and for every 1 negative it takes 10 positives to get rid of it. So, I am working very hard to change my inner talk. I think that if I can change this that I will be on my way with the anger and frustration management issue too. I think that my negative self talk contributes to or is the source of my low self esteem and then I lash out because I am sinking in the pit of my negative thoughts. At least that is what has been revealed so far. I am really struggling with understanding how Psalm 22 relates to what I am going through, I don't really feel forsaken by God, I just don't know what God's will is for me or what he is doing through this. Well, I guess I do, he is refining me to make me into the woman He wants and sees me to be, I just can't see the whole puzzle and what the end will look like, so as a human I can't seem to "get it!" I am learning that it isn't for me to "get" yet, but slowly I will. I have also learned that my favorite eggs are poached. For anyone who has seen the movie Runaway Bride that will make sense, but the long and short of it is that I lost myself in pleasing my husband and didn't even know who I was or what I wanted or really liked, so as part of my own self discovery and change I am trying new things and discovering or I should say rediscovering who KLB is and what makes her tick and makes her happy! It has actually been fun, we are so dumb sometimes in getting stuck in a rut for what, because it is easy and it takes less or no effort......

Blessings and love to all,
KLB

Okay, so I have made my decision that both children are going to go back to the public school. I am disappointed in that, but I feel that I need to be so cautious with the money that we have if we are going to remain in our house through this school year. I pray that God will bring peace to daughters broken heart, she is so disappointed in that, but I know that God will bless her for her sacrifice.
Today was a really tough day, I am emotionally tired and the children were testy and arguing a lot today so it was pushing on frayed nerves. I am trying very hard to stay calm and remain focused on remembering not to put too much adult responsibility upon them. They do need to contribute and help, but still need to be little children!
I so still love my WH and miss him and our friendship! So, I am going to go spend some time reflecting and praying.... Thank you all for your prayers!

It sure seems when satan strikes and makes for a difficult day he really keeps the pressure on. My son's birthday is on Saturday, my in-laws who made a display of their "love and acceptance" of OW in the court room are now e-mailing their love to the kids and I and want to come and see son for his b-day! I really don't want to see them or have them here I am still struggling with anger with my m-in-l and her disgustingness in all of this. I know that as a Christian Christ would want me to act in love and forgiveness, but I cant do that yet, not with all that she said and did to me and her stance that she will never apologize for anything because it is all a part of our sacred journeys what happens and it happens for a reason and we should never be sorry for anything, and I don't want her spewing all that crap into my children and son specifically said he does not want to see them or want them invited to his birthday. I just can't do this with them right now, okay I suppose I can, but I am sorry, but I won't. Am I being petty? I feel that they abandoned these kids when they said that they didn't want to get in the middle of this and then for them to make such a show out of that OW AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NO NO NO NO NO and NO!!!!! Please help me with this it would be one thing if they would have reached out in a different way to acknowledge what happened in court with the abuse case, but there was NOTHING except hugging her and him and HE CHEATED they patted him on the back and love him in that and then 4 months later he comes and BEATS me and they love him and her in front of me and then THIS!!! I just want to be left alone!!!!! Give the gift or whatever to my parents if they must but STAY AWAY from us with your satan demon possessed selves!!!!

So, I spent the night in prayer and repentance for my lack of faith and distrust and anger. I believe that I am to invite them over and allow them to see the children, but that there have to be very strict rules. They have asked to see them for son's b-day, this is not a visit to advocate for WH and seeing him or that this is okay what he is doing. I also think that the visit will occur outside on the patio that way if something goes wrong or they break a ground rule the children and I can go inside and lock the door. My M-in-L is the one that concerns me because she is so persistent in her thoughts and beliefs and they are NOT Christian! I also want them to know that this will not become a regular thing at this point and they will not be getting alone visits with the children because there is no custody agreement in place yet, and I don't want the children placed in an uncomfortable situation anymore than necessary or that I can't supervise and intercede for them.
Any remarks, suggestions, advice????