Thank you, believer.
I have read and re-read the issues on Forgiveness. I read "How Can I Forgive You?".
I have long assumed (and maybe it's true) that much of my depressed feelings have to do with not forgiving my wife or the OM.
I do know I have not come to a place where I totally forgive the OM. I'm working on this but I don't think I dwell on them any more than what could be expected.
I do feel I have come as close to forgiving my wife as I can. But I do know that I still feel resentment and anger at times that she did this. Is this lack of forgiveness? I don't think so but I certainly could be wrong.
Compensation is a big deal for me.
I don't know how I feel about the Harleys' suggestion that NOT doing the things that led to the affair are "compensation". I see them as just doing the things she always should have been doing to protect our marriage -- not as anything to compensate me.
In other words, if she owed me $10,000 and then wrecked my car and decided to give me the $10,000 dollars she owed me as compensation for my car I would find this inadequate.
But, that being said, I have no idea what she could offer beyond this as compensation.
I know I'm not breaking new ground here and other have wrestled with this so I apologize for being thick skulled.
The knowledge that regardless of how bad things got after D-Day, she has the "fun" side of the affair to look back on -- the thrill, addiction, memories, etc, galls me sometimes.
Do repentant wayward spouses actually come to look back on those memories with disgust and revulsion?
I still have a long way to go and am just at a point where I'm lacking the energy.
I appreciate the chance to vent and benefit from your experience and insight.
Thank you
