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Wow. I guess you owe a great deal a gratitude to whoever was going to expose your 2nd affair...and, of course to your BH.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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I do owe a debt of gratitude to the person who had the guts and goodness to do what I couldn't.
And definitely to my H.
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I'd still like to hear from him.  If he isn't comfortable writing here, maybe he can give me some advice through email?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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He doesn't do email either. He doesn't even an email account.
He would never come here again. As I say, he tolerates me being here, he doesn't love that I come here.
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"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Krazy,
How do you continue doing what you do?
You sound miserable.
What do you see as your options?
I see a few:
1) Recover to a better marriage and a better life.
2) Stay in the same or worse marriage and same or worse life with a W who has committed an A.
3) Divorce
Also, do you consider yourself to be better than your wife?
Last edited by TJD; 07/22/08 08:30 PM.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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Intro,
I guess someone else will need to explain this or something else to you.
There is more there than what you are seeing.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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Intro,
I guess someone else will need to explain this or something else to you.
There is more there than what you are seeing. Maybe it's too early for me, but I'm not following what you mean. More what, where?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Krazy,
How do you continue doing what you do?
You sound miserable.
What do you see as your options?
I see a few:
1) Recover to a better marriage and a better life.
2) Stay in the same or worse marriage and same or worse life with a W who has committed an A.
3) Divorce
Also, do you consider yourself to be better than your wife? Like any other arduous journey, I just take it one day, or one step at a time. I agree about the options, although I wonder if I have it in me to achieve # 1, even though that would be my preference. I'll probably catch some flak, but yes, I consider myself to be a better person than my wife. FAR better. I could never do to her what she did to me.
Divorced
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Krazy,
How do you continue doing what you do?
You sound miserable.
What do you see as your options?
I see a few:
1) Recover to a better marriage and a better life.
2) Stay in the same or worse marriage and same or worse life with a W who has committed an A.
3) Divorce
Also, do you consider yourself to be better than your wife? Like any other arduous journey, I just take it one day, or one step at a time. I agree about the options, although I wonder if I have it in me to achieve # 1, even though that would be my preference. I'll probably catch some flak, but yes, I consider myself to be a better person than my wife. FAR better. I could never do to her what she did to me. In sticking to the subject of this thread, Krazy...has your W done anything in the way of earning your respect back? If so...what is she doing?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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I think she's been 100% focused on winning back my trust, not my respect.
She's been a good FWS, or she's been an Oscar-caliber actress for 2 years.
I can't honestly think of anything she's done that was done solely for the purpose of earning respect...other than maintaining NC.
That hardly counts, since I haven't had any contact with OW, either.
That's because OW doesn't exist, but still...I disagree with the concept of receiving credit for doing what you should've been doing the whole time.
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It seems (from your posts so far regarding this subject) that it is a big issue for you. Is there anything that she could possibly do to earn some respect back?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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I disagree with the concept of receiving credit for doing what you should've been doing the whole time. Agreed. Chris Rock does a great comedy piece on how some black men make a big deal out of taking care of their kids...."what do you want a cookie!" I don't remember the last time anyone was given positive recognition for not speeding or robbing a bank.
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It seems (from your posts so far regarding this subject) that it is a big issue for you. Is there anything that she could possibly do to earn some respect back? I don't think that's really possible. I think all she can do is not screw up. Maybe the passage of time will allow the respect to increase.
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Krazy,
If you don't value her but 1% why are you not going for #3? What causes you to stay?
You won't get #1 this way and if you stay you will likely be in the worst of all situations #2. Growing old with growing bitterness is not a good way to live.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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I disagree with the concept of receiving credit for doing what you should've been doing the whole time. Agreed. Chris Rock does a great comedy piece on how some black men make a big deal out of taking care of their kids...."what do you want a cookie!" I don't remember the last time anyone was given positive recognition for not speeding or robbing a bank. I remember that and agree 100%! 
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Krazy,
If you don't value her but 1% why are you not going for #3? What causes you to stay?
You won't get #1 this way and if you stay you will likely be in the worst of all situations #2. Growing old with growing bitterness is not a good way to live. It's not 1%. I don't know what the number is, but it's more than 1%!
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Well, I have lost 99% of the respect I had for my FWW. The other 1%? That's the basic human respect I'd give to most human beings on the planet other than OM Ok, I am missing something, Krazy?
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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For an out of the box opinion from a BS chosing Plan D rather than marital recovery, respect does NOT equal love and really has very little relationship to it. I do not respect WSTBX at all. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love him. Sure I hate him sometimes but the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. And no, it's not romantic love anymore. The thought of him touching me romantically makes me want to puke. But that's probably due to my complete lack of respect for him (combined with my own self respect). But I did spend the bulk of my adult life with this man and I do love him. Not exactly like a child or a parent or sibling, but as some family member of some sort.
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And no, it's not romantic love anymore. The thought of him touching me romantically makes me want to puke. But that's probably due to my complete lack of respect for him (combined with my own self respect). I guess this statement is why I'm looking for some answers. The lack of respect I have for W is 100% related to the sex she had with OM, and I sometimes get sick to my stomache (literally) when thinking about it. I try not to let it get to me when we are in bed together, but it isn't easy. It seems to be a bit of a pickle for me. SF is one of my top EN's, and I still enjoy having sex with W...but, on the other hand, I don't respect her because of "other" sex she has had recently with OM. What's a guy to do?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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