Exactly. I also have a list of "bare minimum qualifications". This guy passed it.... with pretty much flying colors! These annoyances weren't apparent when we first met. I saw a couple of little things that I thought "hhhmmmm...." about, but nothing big.

So, Tabby1, I definitely understand what you're saying. I think you're right. It is most definitely part of dating and developing long-term relationships.

Thanks!

Yup, and this is why we date instead of jump into marriage after a few months - to see if the compatibility is there even after the initial filters have been cleared and the butterflies have died down... And it is important to listen to your gut about incompatibilites, instead of thinking of all the time invested, entanglements created, etc - the pain of a breakup now (if that is the decision) is much smaller than the future pain of a bad marriage.

AGG

Agree 100% with this excellent advice. The reason one dates for 18 months + is to uncover things they may not have uncovered initially. Better safe than sorry. It is better to find out at 13 months into a dating relationship than it is to find out 2 years after you are married.

One thing I learned - the HARD WAY - when choosing a spouse after my divorce, is that it is to my peril to ignore these red flags. My divorce DID affect my judgment, in that I ignored seemingly "small" annoyances that should have been huge red flags.

My judgement was horribly impaired because of my personal problems so I ignored things that should have been obvious to me. For example, my H was very protective of his laptop. He left it at my house once and I found some fairly racy emails from females. I just wrote it off as silliness. I paid dearly for that stupidity later.

You are right to be cautious and SMART, luv, especially since your decisions directly effect your children.