Quit stalling ... call them now. You have 2 hours.


So you're going to be able to tell the friends today, but you can't call the parents???

QUIT being afraid of your WW ... she's screwing another man and rubbing your face in it. I would think you would be furious rather than afraid.

SERIOUSLY, you've already lost your WW ... she's checked out of the M. If you want a chance at getting her back, it's time to start acting like her HUSBAND, not her lapdog.

I have asked her, and I know that's not a LB.

She tells me that "We got married too young, and I *LOVE* him so much" and doesn't even answer the question.. When pressed she tells me to stop lecturing/preaching to her she doesn't want to hear it.

Other things she said last night include:

"I am trying to decide if I can commit to you, if I'm not going to be just waiting for him to be free, and I don't want to hurt you again by committing and then running back to him."

She is in the fog deep.. nothing that I say can or will get through to her. I have to show her that I love her enough to not care that she is mad at me. That I love her enough to hurt even more for her, she is going to be SO angry again, but I love her that much.

MyRev is right. Your WW has already checked out. You have nothing to lose at this point by exposure. Take some advice from a BH....expose. My WW still continued to sleep with OM after exposure, but her friends and family enabled her to do so...you may get lucky and have her family's support instead of enabling. If you keep stalling you are basically telling your wife that you are okay with her sleeping with another man. Are you?

Nope, but this will be the second exposure.. FIL/MIL support me already but she just goes deeper into hiding.

Rev, I just left a VM for FIL, they just got back from Vaca. so it might be a little while. I just talked to my friends too, they will talk about it and let me know. They are praying for me. I am going to try and head over to OMW's house to see if she's there. I need to actually talk to her face-to-face to make sure she gets that I am serious.. I might miss my dentist appointment but oh well, I can reschedule.

Thanks for the kick in the [censored] gang.

Even if it is the second exposure, the concept is still the same. If you don't do it, you are not trying to end the affair...whether it's 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th...makes no difference. If she is telling people (friends, family) that the A is over, and it isn't, she is lying to them and they deserve to know that she is lying to them.

intro, I know.

I wasn't trying to say it wasn't just as important.. just that MIL/FIL already know.

This is going to get UGLY (not that it already isn't) before it gets any better.. if it ever does.

Great move to go to OMW to confirm that it has been OMW that you have been emailing.

Tell the bride and groom yet?

Yes, they are thinking about what they want to do. MIL/FIL, want to talk more tomorrow night.

OMW wasn't home.. going to try again in a few hours after my face gets un-numb.

I am really hurting right now. I can't seem to stop crying, I am so hurt by the things she said last night.

I know she is an alien, that doesn't make the things she says any less real. I haven't hurt this much since the day I found out it was physical.

I am so angry, and hurt right now I don't know where else to turn.

NRO,

Sorry to see you are back. This is why you shouldn't leave. To get the help and encouragement you need.......

And since you have been there before, you know that you CANNOT educate her. She is unteachable and not only that but it is NOT YOUR JOB to do it......so STOP.....you show her you love her by your actions not words.......

Keep up with the second exposure and get to OMW fast.....keep trying as if it is your only mission in life.....

If I can do this stuff so can you.....


not2fun

NRO,

AGAIN....you know the drill....stand firm and tall, chest out and state "I want to save our marriage. I am asking others for support in my fight for this."....."This is not about what I have done it is about what you are doing to our M"......

COME ON....you know this stuff.....when you have been at it this long, it should be second nature by now.....It sounds like you have been in Plan C....

not2fun

NRO,

Time to switch from 2x4 to support mode ...

GOOD JOB on exposure ... you did the right thing, and I think deep down you KNOW that, you were just afraid of your WW's reactions ... perfectly normal.

Also, perfectly normal is the excruciating pain you are experiencing from her words. Yes, she's an alien, but she also looks just like the wife you love and married and it hurts like he11 to hear those words coming out of her mouth. HE11, its been over a year since I heard those words, and I can still visualize every syllable as they came out of her mouth and the crazed look in her eyes ... especially one VERY hurtful statement.

NOW ... you job is to remain strong ... to NOT back down to her irrational rants, accusations and demands. You can DO IT once you fully embrace that you've done nothing wrong ... you are the one fighting for your M, while she is the one trying to throw it all away.

Hold up your head, throw back your shoulders and approach this with all of the confidence and strength you can muster ... you will feel much better about yourself, and as side benefit ... women find it VERY attractive to have their man stand up for them, even if they come unglued initially. If you don't believe me, I can bring FogFree (my FWW) on here to give you the female perspective.

Again, GREAT JOB, now keep it up and don't waver.

I know, I do know this stuff, doesn't mean I don't have self doubt. This is really going to hurt, a lot. And it's going to get worse before it gets better..

I have people telling me to divorce on one side.. they don't understand the fight for my marriage, they don't see that it can be better..

On the other side of me, I have people telling me that I need to fight as hard as I can because I value my M. This is the side I am on, but it's so hard to not give in to the other side.

Thanks, I need both right now.


Apparently I will never measure up to the man that he is. I have one HUGE thing on him though.. I have been faithful to my wife. She can't see that though, and my love for her aches for her to not hurt, even if she isn't with me. I love her enough to let her go, but so much that it's hard to do so if I know she's going to be hurt.


I don't know what this person that is in my wife's skin finds attractive any more. You would think that women would find fidelity attractive.

This exposure my kill my marriage, we'll see.. I know *I* will be ok, I am so worried about my wife. Even after what she has done to my M, I still care for her and love her unconditionally. *THAT* is why I am so upset right now.

You SHOULD be worried about your WIFE, but not that alien-creature who is impersonating your WIFE. Once you're rid of the alien by EXPOSING everything and your WIFE begins to emerge, you AND she will be grateful that you cared enough about your WIFE to fight for her.

I know what it's like to have people pulling you in both directions...h3ll, my WW's friends (and certain family members) told me to "divorce her...we'd understand if you did", while most of mine were saying "you should see if you can work it out. If not, at least you can say you tried". As well as some members here at MB (they will say "cut and run).

I've realized that they are not the ones in the marriage, and even the certain members here who tow the "no kids, young marriage...go plan D" line, are not the ones who have the decisions to make. That decision is up to you. Take the advice that they give you, and store it away for now...you need to make your own decision here or else you will always ask yourself "what if?" if you follow other's advice on what direction to take. IMHO.

Here's a tough one for you to swallow ... WOMEN in general may find fidelity attractive, but WW's DO NOT.

WW's prefer "bad boys" and superficial attention over commitment, stability, family, etc. They ONLY find the latter attractive when they are about to lose it ... this is where your "inner strength" needs to shine through. Let her know in no uncertain terms that you LOVE her, but you will not SHARE her, and be WILLING to walk if she won't recommit NOW. Then go to an ultra-dark Plan B and move on with your life.

She will wake up quickly OR she won't, but you will have maintained your dignity and self respect and will be a better person for standing up for yourself and you M.

NRO,

He is not a MAN. He is a coward. He has no regard for morals or others well-being. DON'T EVEN BOTHER WITH THE COMPARISSIONS.....he is not worthy of you....and never will be. He is a non-human that preys on what-ever fits HIS needs at the time.....

And SHE is an addict. That is the only explaination that explains why she is doing what she is doing. She is ADDICTED. YOu have to buy into this. ......She is only after her next fix.......

And since this is your second exposure, you know that it will not "kill" your marriage, but the AFFAIR will........

And Iknow it hurts, but not doing anything is not going to make it go away.....


not2fun

well, I haven't been able to get a hold of OMW as of yet. She never used to work outside the home, but I imagine during the summer she is keeping busy. I am going to try twice again today.

MIL/FIL want to talk more tonight. This is after an over-the-phone second exposure to them yesterday. I imagine it is going to be the 'are you sure you want to continue to do this' type talk. They are supportive of me, but want to make sure I am protected as well as their daughter.

I am thinking about broadening things a bit this time. Our friends that are getting married know, but non of his friends do.. We used to all work together so I know all of them. It might be time they find out what's going on. As far as I can tell my WW is the only one of those two who is bearing any consequence from this.. Time to make having sex with my wife a little less fun I think. So.. here is my hit list:

1) OMW - she is priority target #1, I need to get a hold of her any way I can and make sure it's her and not OM this time.

2) FIL/MIL - they are done.. more talk tonight

3) OM's friends - Let them know what a scumbag he really is.

WW Didn't come home until way late last night. I don't know if FIL/MIL called her or what, but she wasn't all that mad so I don't think they have as of yet. She told me last night "You are so out of touch with me." Heh, no kidding... she isn't even in touch with herself, and I don't want to be in touch with the alien being that is my wife right now.

Pray for me all, This may be the beginning of the end. I have a Plan B letter all set, but am uncertain about going there as of yet. If OMW really hasn't been exposed to as I think she hasn't then I need some time to do more Plan A I think.. I have done the carrot, I need more stick.

Hehe.. That last statement reminds me of the Christopher Walken SNL skit.. "I have a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell!" At least I still have my sense of humor.