hooo, hooo! I know this one. <raises hand>

An active WW was here a couple years back and she called it an ENCOUNTER. Albeit the adultery lasted a couple of years, but an encounter nonetheless.

I feel WE fit in PARAGRAPH ONE. I believe it's true for the MAJORITY of RECOVERERS. I know just as well as you do, Bob. I'd rather see the glass HALF FULL. I haven't read where anyone here is quoting a research study.

Wow, those euphemisms sound so sound so tame. An "unfortunate choice" could be choosing the wrong color for a pedicure, and an "encounter" might be bumping into a neighbor in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

Softening the words for adultery just happens to be a pet peeve of mine. I don't even like the word "affair" which has somewhat of a romantic connotation. When I confront a wayward, or even type the abbreviation AP, in my mind it is not "affair partner" but "adultery partner".

People cringe at the word, but that's what it is.

For goodness sakes, it's not pretty; it's ugly. KEEP IT REAL!

<cue JEOPARDY! music>

What is an.... INDISCRETION?


That way...is sounds high class and high falootin.

committed

Oooo! Oooo! I remember that one! (*rolly eyes guy*) That is the same thread where you did the "damn hole" bit Jo! That still makes me double over in laughter today...Dang, I wish the search function worked!

Mrs. W

That would be a series of unfortunate choices.

Also commonly known as an adulterous lifestyle (another label).

in AA terms

"a slip"

as in "oops"

LOL! Hilarious ...

Personally, I like Mel's description of rutting like pigs.

Yes, that paints a picture for sure!

I prefer 2 call a shovel a shovel as well.

Hence, affair, infidelity, Rat Meat (I am 99% certain that's his true composition)...

But of all the "labels", it's calling the affair an affair that's the most effective, if anything is, in keeping my perspective on the past or even helping my W avoid having another one in the fu2re.

But the FWW stuff? "Hi Mr and Mrs John Q Public, this is Mrs 2long, my Eff Dubya Dubya."

Sounds ridiculous, like if I were 2 proudly proclaim at a BBQ with my friends from grad school "Hey guys, I'm BS!" which would no doubt evoke a response along the lines of "We've known THAT for a long time now!"

Labels, schmabels.

-ol' 2long

As one of the symptoms of Swine Flu.

Larry

Interesting observation and one I had been thinking about before I saw your post. My wife would be quite happy to refer to herself as a FWW - it is ME the BS who doesn't apply labels.

I have no idea why that is.

I certainly don't shy back from calling adultery, adultery and saying it's a sin - so I really don't take your point Aphelion.

Applying a label to a PERSON is different to applying a label to an ACTION(S)

Saying a "slip" in AA is 2x4 bait. One only says this if you want splinters stuck in ya head. The response is "it wasn't a slip, it was a premeditated DRUNK!"

Sorry to raise the dead, but I think I understand now why it bothers me so much.

Because before the act of adultry, most of the WS's were very good spouse's. And as Mimi said, very different from the WS. Orchid used to say this all the time, too. They were not the same people as they were all their lives, when they were in an affair. Mr. Goodstuff actually argued with me about his wife being spoiled and never having to struggle, as she was not at all that way, he said.

The adultry had gotten hold of them and changed them, temporarily. That is how most BS's get through the adultry and are able to reconcile. They know this is not who their spouse really is.

All through Plan A, and Plan B when it is applied, it's the philosphy that this is not my spouse, this is an alien.

So if that is in fact true, they are just back to being who they truely are, after they end the affair and they recommit.

The affair was a tempory sojourn into unreality.

So how can that be who they were? It was always about who they were not.

So they would not be FWS's, they would be returned to their true nature.

Now, I don't care for waywards, they bring out the absolute worst in me, but I know that in most cases, especially the cases where recovery has happened, that that is not who they really are. So they could not be a former of who they never were.

Do you see the hyposcrisy in this? Bob Pure, I specifically want to know if you do. Because you are the one I see as having the most difficulty in reconciling that the wayward wife was not your wife. It was an aboration of who she is.

I don't know, I should probably not bring this thread up again, but I really think it impedes recovery.

And BigK, I have no idea why it bothers you, but not your wife to be referred to as a FWW. It doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn'y want to be referred to by my husband as a former hussy, if in fact I had been for one moment in time, a hussy. Actually in high school I did a lot of drugs. But I was 14 yo and haven't touched a drug since I was 17, I barely ever, ever will even take prescriptions drugs, so referring to me as a former drug addict seems absurd to me. Even though I was a drug addict, and kicked out of my dad's house for it. It reminds me of a time in my life that I hurt my parents, and myself, terribly. It is indeed better left in the past, as I have huge regrets over it. Regretting over the past is a sin. It is an impediment to all that you could be in the future. It darkens the present with regretful thoughts. I don't know why some FWW's don't feel the same. I don't know.

oh never mind. It doesn't matter. Not trying to start an argument or stir up contriversy, just thinking out loud, on the typewriter.

Hiya weaver. . .

Here is my POV, for what it is worth (not much).

We are all the product of our choices in life, our genetics and our raising, along with the influences of our peers, bosses, and society in general. We are who we are. How we got to where we are sometimes means that we caved in to our weaknesses at some point in time, which is a part of who we are even if we don't like to admit it to the world or to ourselves.

And it is sometimes useful to remind ourselves what we have done in the past so we can protect our weaknesses from seeing the light of day and biting us on the [censored], again. This is sorta like the drug addict telling everyone they are an addict and that they have been xxx days or months or years clean.

Others see ourselves as who we are now, not the mistakes we have made to become who we are. Well, sometimes. There are some people out there who would remind us of our past as a way of controlling us or making themselves feel better about who they are compared to us, while ignoring their own glass house.

I "Know" that my wife, who I refer to as "Wife," thinks of herself as a former wayward. She does this to protect herself and to emphasize to herself how far she has come along the road of life to adulthood.

Larry

Yeah, I know Larry. But there will come a time when reminding herself of the past will be a deterent to all that she really is.

Once true repentence has taken place, you could never, ever repeat the past regressions, no matter how negligent you were. And I believe that true repentence forever changes and deletes the past mistakes. That is one of the great lessons taught in the Bible. And I believe for a very good reason.

I hate seeing it in sig lines. BS, FWS. An abomination to all that they really are now, once were or will strive to become.

Weave, the only reason I use FWW here is for clarity. I think that's what everyone uses those labels for.

Y'know even though my adultery is well in the past and my H and I are recovered, it's something that has happened which will always define me. Not as a wayward wife, but as someone who has experienced infidelity and recovery. I use the drug analogy again. If I had been a heroin addict or a crack addict that is something that I couldn't deny.

I've said before, I was an exemplory wife before my adultery. People thought I was a goodie goodie. But, that changed. It doesn't define me in my everyday life, it doesn't define me as a person but it is something that happened and can never be taken back. It changed me and it changed my H and it changed my kids. I can't deny it happened but I don't have to make a huge point of it every day either.

Mel described it very well. Her H doesn't introduce her "this is my wife, the drunk", but it is part of her past.