|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596 |
Btw, I think some of the initial disassociation is wearing off and some anger is starting to sink in. I have had a lot of time to think about this today (since its been hard to work), and I have decided that I am done dragging her along behind me in this recovery. I have tried to tackle the hard issues that are so important in recovering from infidelity and only in the last 3 weeks has she relented, shifting that process from impossible to just extremely difficult.
I'm willing to keep trying to work through this, but now she has to take the lead if she wants me to stick around. If she wants this marriage to work, she can start fighting for it. I'll recover, with or without her.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
Btw, I think some of the initial disassociation is wearing off and some anger is starting to sink in. I have had a lot of time to think about this today (since its been hard to work), and I have decided that I am done dragging her along behind me in this recovery. I have tried to tackle the hard issues that are so important in recovering from infidelity and only in the last 3 weeks has she relented, shifting that process from impossible to just extremely difficult.
I'm willing to keep trying to work through this, but now she has to take the lead if she wants me to stick around. If she wants this marriage to work, she can start fighting for it. I'll recover, with or without her. That's the ticket. Do it with or without her. But, be very careful...there are women out there who find a recently cheated on BH a good catch, and you are vulnerable right now. Just a heads up. I too have the attitude that if we are going to recovery, W has to be the one in the lead and fighting. My fight has all but left the building.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596 |
Its quite long, but here is most of the email I sent her today. I edited it out a bit of the personal stuff since there was no point to sharing it here.
Thoughts? 2x4s? I know the paragraph on her feelings is "toeing the line", but I tried to make it clear that those are my thoughts on her feelings. I am not telling her what she feels. Just what I think she is dealing with.
Last edited by andrew3; 07/31/08 04:41 AM. Reason: Letter removed. No reason to keep it up here.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,414
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,414 |
andrew,
I think that is a GREAT letter. You opened yourself up, and then showed her the way home, IF she so chooses.
You should be proud of your stance and strength to accept nothing less than a full recommitment.
Well done!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596 |
Thanks MyRev. She just read it so hopefully I'll hear something soon, but I hope she takes her time and thinks about it before responding. Either way, I think I am finally starting to feel at peace.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,414
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,414 |
Either way, I think I am finally starting to feel at peace. andrew, You SOUND at peace ... and that is a good place to be considering the sucky circumstances where you now find yourself. It's funny, but it sure appears that for the most successful BH's here, they had to reach the point of being ready to "walk away", before they achieved their greatest advancements in recovering thier M's. They took an "all or nothing" position before they could ever reach their ultimate goals. Those that were willing to settle for less to maintain their M's at all cost, got the "minimum" of what they were willing to settle for or "worse". My guess is your feeling of "peace" comes from within ... knowing that you have been true to yourself, and that you have maintained your dignity and self respect throughout this awful ordeal. Again ... WELL DONE, you should be PROUD.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596 |
Thanks MyRev.
I have never been a marriage at all costs person. I know what I want from my marriage, and I have tried to convey that to her. I want to recover the woman I married, but I will not do so if the cost is that I lose myself and my dignity in the process. I want a marriage of equals. If she and I can't work through our issues to achieve that, we are both better served by going our separate ways.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
2,025
guests, and
164
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,049
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
