IF they were a really good spouse adultery would have never had a chance to take place.

I had a wonderful car, once, that I bought brand new off the showroom. First time im my life I ever did that but I couldn't resist.

It was a beauty in my mind and gave me lots of happiness just driving it. I made the mistake of letting my son, who had just gotton his license drive it one night. As an impulsive young teenager, he managed to wrap it aroung a tree. Thank God, he was unhurt, but my shiney new car was a wreck.

After fighting a bit with the insurance co. I had the car completely restored and repaired.

For many years after that, I continued to enjoy the great car I had. Kept it shiney and clean and it ran like a top.

When it finally came time to sell the car, I had many enthusiastic buyers looking to give me a fair price for the car.

Before any deal could be made the one and same question always came to the surface: "Has the car ever been in a major accident?"

Being truthful, I always answered, "yes, it has." At that point, it didn't matter that the car looked and ran beatifully, the Q had been asked and answered. "yes it has."

I ended up taking far less for the car than it was worth, and I felt I was betraying the car itself, for it looked and ran so well, it would have done so for any prospective buyer. But it couldn't get past the Q, "has it ever had a major accident?"

I had the faith to give my car a second chance after the "accident." It served me very well and was quite reliable.

Thus it is, that our God is a God of second chances(or third or fouth...). Labels are only important to us folks on earth. Being rightous and correct in our daily lives, is who we are now, and the past cannot corrupt a person who is repentant, and lives for who they have become today, regardless of the mistakes that got us here.

It's just the way it is.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Or as the Bible says -

If a wicked man restores a pledge, pays back what he has taken by robbery,... he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of his sins that he has committed will be remembered against him. Ezekiel 33:15-16

I believe in redemption. I think lots of folks here do. Otherwise they wouldn't be wanting to save their marriages.

I've been a quiet and gentle woman for most of my life, a Proverbs23 woman. But there have been some lapses, and I did things that I regret to this day.

That is why I trust in Jesus' words - "Go and sin no more".

Thank God our courts and prison systems do not see things this way. And it is not always NEGLIGENCE that causes past transgressions..often times it is well thought out, premeditated acts.

So, I am curious...I think if I am reading you correctly, that you would be aainst a criminal having a "record" after serving their sentence??? Is that right? Or is it only the sin of adultery that you think should be wiped clean?

And IF you feel that a record should be wiped clean, does you think that shows very little concern for potential future victims of a criminal?

See, DELETING past mistakes is all well and good for GOD...HE can see a persons heart. People, on the other hand, are left to look at a persons actions, past and present, in order to know them.

Shinethrough's analogy was spot on.

But Medc, can't you see that for 48 years I lived my life in a way that was completely blameless. I WAS a good person until the acts that now define me forever as an FWW.

I AM a good person now.

I agree you are a good person now.

I do not believe that GOOD people put themselves in positions where an affair would take place. There is a moral disconnect that must be present in order for the act to happen even the very first time.

"I believe that true repentence forever changes and deletes the past mistakes."

Obviously you are not understanding this MEDC. True repentance does change the past mistakes. That doesn't mean there won't be consequences.

There are many people in prison who BELONG there. I'm sure most are "sorry". But we're talking about true repentance. And for those that are truly repentant, and willing to change their lives, I hope they do get out of jail after they have done their time.

There's the rub. I didn't put myself in the position to have an A. I wasn't looking for an A. I didn't wake up one morning and say I think I'll have an A. I thought I was immune.

me too. What does getting out of jail have to do with having a record?


Oh, I get it just fine B. I am not the idiot that you so cowardly called me.

Yes, you did. Absent putting yourself in the position, it could not have happened.

NEVER said you did. BUT, you did NOT say "NO" when things became inappropriate. YOU took it further.

Whatever, MEDC. I know the thread you are talking about - [censored]. I wrote the idiot thing warning him about some people that would post to him. And it wasn't you.

I'm not going to go and look back to find it, but it was someone else.

Don't make me put you on ignore again. I mostly like your advice.

Please do.

I don't agree with you. The slippery road to adultery can infect someone who, if they were in their right mind, would not take that road, and who, when recovered from their stupid, ARE bitterly ashamed of what damage they had done to all concerned.

If I thought that someone who would have an affair was permanently marked as morally corrupt, then I would be pointing a finger at not only my wife, but to a significant portion of the human race.

Harley has a few words on the same subject.

Larry

I don't think people that have affairs are permanently marked as corrupt.

Yes, I did. I don't deny that for a moment.

The guilt was overwhelming though. I was drunk most of the time, I had numbing panic attacks, I was a mess. Not enough to stop me obviously, but the mindset I had at the time was that it was "meant to be" so it couldn't be "wrong". I knew very well that what I was doing was wrong but I'd never had to question my morals. I'm deeply ashamed that I could be immoral.

I understand exactly what you're saying, you know. My H's morals are unswerving. He would never have an A. Part of all this is knowing what my morals are and learning that my morals are what make me.

ETA I posted this before I read the other replies.

I don't think I'm a corrupt person but I was and I can't forget that and I SHOULD never forget that. I've said I don't live this every day and I don't but it's something that DOES define me. It's something I was capable of doing and I need to know and accept that about myself.

I think you should proud of who you are today Kiwi.

LOL, just fell off my chair.

Thank you.

I think it does matter and I'm glad that you're using this thread to think out loud.

Several board members have stated what their labels mean to them, what needs their labels satisfy, and/or what purpose their labels serve for them but it won't necessarily mean the same to you....nor does it have to.

For me, the term FWH simply meant that WH wasn't boinking the OW any more. And it was a temporary term, a beginning. Either there would be marital recovery and he would become H again or there wouldn't be recovery and "FW" would be exchanged for "ex." The term FBW was important to me for quite a while too because in the midst of lingering pain of the betrayal it was good to be reminded that it was no longer occurring.

I hope you continue to think out loud on this thread, Josie. Threads similar to this one made me think too and helped me define the labels in the way that would be most helpful to my recovery process...and, more importantly, beyond.

Jen:

Some of us learn early and some learn late, but all learn as a process of growing up to be a grownup who understands consequences. And then, some never learn. Now that one is evidence you can't fix stupid; the learning is evidence you can fix ignorance, most of the time. Some folks have a harder time learning than others.

Larry