I am married for last 3.5 years. Ours was a love marriage. We have a very healthy relationship.
But before marriage I had an affair with another man and we were involved sexually in that. After a year of our affair he got married (well we never had any commitment for marriage). And after 1.5 years of his marriage I got married.

The mistake I did was that even after we both were married we continued our relationship.
When his wife got to know about it we ended meeting up but we kept our communication open. Even my husband was aware of it but I told my husband that it was the misperception of his wife.
Now husband has also got to know about it. I am feeling really sorry now why I kept talking to that person. Why I kept this relationship. I love my husband and still I had sex with this other person even after our marriage. I was enjoying it I don’t know why because when it ended I never felt need to have sex with him or to meet him.

My husband is shattered. He is only one woman man. He loved me a lot he gave me everything and I cheated on him. He asked about this relationship many times and always I told him half truth. Anyhow he got to know all the facts and he feels that I can never tell him the truth. As he has already given me many chances to tell the truth now he is not ready to listen anything as he knows everything now so nothing is left to tell him.

We have a small daughter who is not even one year old. I do not want her to bear the burden of my disaster.

I want another chance so I can revive our relationship. I love him.

I can’t leave him.

Has your BH questioned paternity? It would be good to have a DNA test to asure the fear that his Child might not be his.

WOW, your whole marriage has been a lie. You tricked him into marrying you. If he had known the truth, he likely would not have married you.

I don't know what to tell you, but I personally don't think I would choose to stay with someone who defrauded me like that. He is well within his rights to leave you.

How sad you would do this to your DD.

AGREE, it might not even be his child. He needs to know that.

This is his child he knows this. It is confirmed. And I already had stopped seeing that other person much before I conceived.
I know I betrayed him but I really want to revive it.

Pls help me with some suggestion!

What's happened with you and BH since your last post.

Did you write a NC letter, no contact, to the OM? Write one, then offer your BH the opportunity to approve it then let him hit send and Email it.

Your letter was very disjointed. When was D day? How did D day come about?

How did you meet OM, work, neighbor, social cirle, friends, family? How close do you live to, work near the OM?

What made your BH suspect and for long did your husband suspect there was an affair?

Do you know that now you must live transparent? Haave you offered to give access to all passwords for computer, cell?
Have you revealed all the means of communicating with the OM for your BH to verify that you have established NC.

Have you promised to tell BH every time that the OM tries to break NC? Will you also expose to the OMW everyttime that the OM tries to break NC in front of your BH?

Does your BH have uncontested proof of when the last time you slept with the OM. When was the last time you slept with the OM and when the child was concieved?

You BH is very shaken now. A DNA test is a good way to provide that there is no way the child is not his and is a good motivation for him to consider staying to not break up the COM, child of the marriage, family.

Confirmed by what? A DNA test? That is the only acceptable proof he should be willing to accept.

What does your H want to do about the marriage? Does he want to end it? It is up to him whether he wants to stay or not.

Til now we have not done any DNA test as my Husband have not questioned about our baby. And Our child is a carbon copy of her father.

We are living in the same house but seperately. He says if you want to revive our relationship do it yourelf.
Do you think this needs time? Can you suggest me something what I can do? I am not going to repeat my mistakes again.

I know OM through my official contacts.

Though my BH got to know about this rlationship 6 months ago he never suspected that I am still in contact with OM.
I have not seen OM for last 2yrs. We used to talk on phone or via E-mails.

Yes I told him I can give everything in writing that I will not contact OM. But he is not ready to listen to it. Since our marriege he already has all the passwords of my all the accounts even my bank account. As he never suspeted he never checked. I used to delete all the communication with OM. But some how my BH found out some messages a month before and 3 days before he got confirmation for everything, he recovered all the mails being a computer professional. So he he got to know that I was lying.

I have promised him I will not do anything again. When my BH first time got to know about it I told him only half of the truth and I told OM that I will not continue it. He also agreed for the same. Since than I have never tried to make any contact with him neither did he.

Hi there Niss

Your case highlights the plight of many who would give half the truth. You are no different from 90% of the rest of those fearful folk that would preserve themselves from consequences. There are no guarantees as to allaying these fears.

Please read through this site about "the policy of radical honesty"

The only consolation I can offer is " the truth shall set you free".

Only total, absolute and radical honesty can begin the healing.
Every detail is important to your husband as he re-organises the chaos in which he now lives.

Being that you were having an affair before and after you got married I would say a DNA test is the first step to start recovering your marriage.

Tell BH that you are going to have a DNA test done. Then do it. Do not ask him if he wants it. Tell him at this point we need to eliminate any doubts no matter how remote. You want him to know the truth about everything. This will be the first truth that the both of you could never deny.

"This is his child he knows this. It is confirmed. And I already had stopped seeing that other person much before I conceived."

So you say. There is no reason for your BH to believe you. You had a PA. Then you lied about the PA. Nothing but lies. That is why you need to do a DNA test. It will finally start your BH to see that maybe you did not lie about when was the last time you banged the OM. That maybe you were truthful about other things. Maybe he'll start to see you are ready for the truth to be known.

It will give your BH undeniable proof of him being the dad.
This will give BH the motivation to stick around and be more receptive to you trying to recover your marriage.

Remember you can leave no stone unturned to rebuild your BH's trust.

You were very vague on how you met OM.
If you are going to be vague with us then it will limit are ability to advise you.
"I know OM through my official contacts."

Do you work OM, do you both still work for the same company?
Will work still bring you into contact with the OM?
Will work, social, recreation bring you into contact with the OM?
How close do you live to the OM?

I got introdused to OM by one of my office mate. we never worked together. and there is no social obligations for us to come in cotact as we live in very far locations you may say some thousand miles.

I do not have problem in going for a DNA Test but I really do not know how will my BH take it. I know he loves our baby and now a days even he plays with her as he use to earlier he loves, adores and cares for her the same way as before.

So the OM has no business dealings with the office mate?

Does the OM still contact office mate at work? Is there ever going to be a chance that OM may show up at work to see office mate?

Does the office mate (girl, guy?) know that you had an affair with the OM?

"I do not have problem in going for a DNA Test but I really do not know how will my BH take it."

Tell BH this if he questions you why you want the DNA test. To provide him with an undeniable proof of the truth that the child is his. To begin removing doubts to recover your marriage.

Talk is cheap. Providing the truth priceless.

no that office mate is no more in contact with any one of us neither she knew anything about this affiar and there is no way of me and my office mate getting in touch any ways as do not have any of her contact details.

I am not working now. After the birth of our baby I left job to look after the kid. It was our mutual decision.

i agree with MelodyLane....ur marriage was a lie ...why did u marry to H....u need to search for this answer first and then see if u want to be with him or not because u do not love him (it looks to be ).

Yesterday I asked my BH to give me only one last chance. I will never repeat the same mistake again and he said we are still in same house so think you have got your chance, don’t pressurize me for anything else.
We are living in the same house but like two strangers. He do not look at me even.

I really don’t know what I should do next.

I married him for many reasons, He is a nice man, his background is good. I liked him and I really remember those feelings, I loved him.
When I married him, OM and I decided that we will remain friends but very soon it became something else. we were back on old path

When I married to him I really did not think that my past relationship will agian go on the same path. I took it very casually but it happned and I could not stop it. The mistake I did was I kept in contact with him even after his or mine marriage and I did not realise how it is going to end.
When my BH got to know about this relationship I was happy for one thing that atleast now this relationship ended.

Now when ever I look at him I feel the pain I am causing for him.

I know it is hard to beleive that I love him. But, I do.