When I was in junior high school, I used to listen to a radio station in the DC area on Saturday nights - I'd listen to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the original radio show), followed by a progressive rock show, which I would fall asleep to.

When I woke up on Sunday, it was "Stained Glass Bluegrass". I didn't care for it at first, but later I grew to enjoy Bluegrass music. Which is funny, because I don't care for Country.

Well it’s Sunday again and it’s father’s day. I’m listening to bluegrass gospel while I type this.

It’s been a busy week. My son graduated from high school on Wednesday. I’m so proud that he graduated and is on his way to college. His mother (My ex-wife) came to see the graduation. She stayed at our house and slept in my son’s bedroom since Wednesday. I think it was a good thing that she stayed with us. There was a lot of healing of old wounds that took place.

My step daughter called me to wish me a happy father’s day. She made me cry! That turd.

My 15 year old daughter gave me a card that had a letter in it.

Here’s the letter.

DAD

Wow. My dad. Dad first of all I just want to start off by saying how much uncontrollable love I have for you. I know I have a really bad way of showing it, but dad, I’m the luckiest daughter in the world. Not every daughter has the opportunity to have a dad that never quits on me even when I was more than done. Not every daughter has the opportunity to have a dad that keeps on trying until he gets it right. I know you’re trying dad, and you keep amazing me. This year we have been through a lot, if not the most. Even thought there were times I would cry myself to sleep, I’m glad we went through this together because nothing else in the world could have made us this close. Dad I love you no matter what happens even though I may not get what I want (cough cough... Puppy) I’ll still be patient with you. (Ha Ha) Dad this is your day to honor everything you have done for us. And I just want to say, that I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING DAD IN THE WORLD. YOUR HARD WORK DOESN’T GO UN-NOTICED.


I was ballin by the time I got done reading the letter.

I also got a card that all my kids signed. We all went to church this morning. Overall I had a great day.

I dread and fear having to go through another divorce. And if I do go through a divorce I don’t want my WW to get any of my retirement. The “not knowing what’s going to happen” is very stressful.

There's a Christian woman that I work with at the Base. I found out recently that she's divorced. I happened to run into her outside of the credit union and started talking to her. I asked her about her divorce and what happened.

To make a long story short... She said she was in the same place I am now... Not knowing, worrying about her retirement, losing sleep and being exhausted. Her husband was asking for the world... After crying and praying and praying and crying ....she finally got to the point that she gave it all over to the lord to let his will be done...

When she gave it over to Christ guess what happened???...The lord delivered!!! All of the sudden her husband decided that he didn’t want anything. Gave her custody of her son, gave her the house, and didn’t ask for any of her Military Retirement!

I needed to hear that!

Knowing that God has a plan for me ministered to me and calmed all my fears.

Hey Amazin!

What a great letter from you daughter...WOW! My 7-year-old writes me some tear-jerkers already...I can imagine what they'll be like in a few years!

I'm glad you got that news from your friend. Do you have a really great L? Is your state a "fault" state? Are you journaling all of her nastiness through all of this??

I CAN tell you that there are more important things than money! Mainly your health and happiness, and your children. Your M may be over and you may have to deal with another D, but if you focus on the things that really matter, all the rest will fall into place. Let your L do the hard work and you just take care of yourself....give it over to Him.

Prayers for you...you have a couple of GREAT kids and you are a GREAT person! Don't forget that stuff!!

Funny you should say that... in one of the last conversations I had with my WW I told her that I gave her the most valuable thing I had to give her... My heart and my kids.

She treated both of them like garbage.

Neither one of us has filed for divorce. My state doesn't have leagal separation... but it does still have fault marriage laws.

BTW,

Thanks for the encouragement Lala... It's nice to hear from you.

Amazin,


How are you????

It is so good to hear you post and see how wonderful things are going for youl. That was an "amazing" letter you DD wrote. Heck, it made me cry.... .....


I know things are difficult for you with being in Plan B and all, but I have to say you are handling this so gracefully. And with your lack of posts, I am thinking you are keeping yourself busy.

Hmmmm....remember the good ol' day???

YOur WS screaming how you were trying to "cut her throat"???? and mine not knowing his head from his [censored]?????

Ah...well, I think your life took the most drastic of turns when you gave it all to God.....

Since that time, your have grown and blossomed so much....

anyway, I just wanted to let you know I still think of you from time to time, and wish all the best for you....except I think with your new found faith, in some ways you already have it.....

Hang in there......the best is yet to come....

not2fun

Hi Not,

Nice to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement. I still have some rough days. I still cry a lot. I guess I'm still very fragile emotionally.

I found some old pictures yesterday. There were several pictures of my kids when they were really small... when I was a single parent...before I was married to my current wife. They were such good kids...sooooo cute, innocent and precious.

There were pictures of my kids together holding hands, playing, asleep at the dinner table, in the fields of wildflowers of Texas. Christmas, birthdays, vacation pictures etc...

There were two pictures of my youngest daughter getting on the bus for her first day of kindergarden. She was soooo cute! By the time I was done looking at the pictures I was crying.

They grow up so fast and before you know it... they're gone... I've come value the time I have with my children and family as one of the most important things in life. The way I see it is that God only gives each person a set amount of time on earth. And once the moment is gone it's gone forever... Use that time wisely to raise your children right. Cherish those moments and use that limited time to make happy memories for your children.

My son got his first real job in May. He's working at a grocery store about 2 blocks from our house. I told him if he could save $1000 I'd help him get a car. Since he's been working, his net pay has been approximately $1200 and he saved $1000. (Great Job huh...)So yesterday I helped him get his first car, a 1994 Ford Escort. You should have seen the smile on his face as he was driving it home... He's so happy to have that mesure of independence. It made me happy.

My 16 Y.O. daughter just started working at the same grocery store. She's going to start saving for a car too.

I'm good

I'll submit a more betterer post later. (Yes I said More Betterer... so....LOL) I'm getting ready to take my girls to the dentist.

Amazin....

Ok...just wanted to see how YOU were doing...I know how your kids are doing and how you are doing with them, BUT how are you in all this Plan B stuff????

That, my friend, is what inquiring minds want to know.....

not2fun

ps...Is that "more better"???

O.K. Not2... I decided to make a quick post and update. I haven't been keeping up with my thread. I needed to take a break from the board for a while. (Anyone else ever feel like that?) I’m still lurking… just not posting every day like I was before.

My son is doing pretty good. He saved $1000 for a car from his grocery store job. I found him a car and helped him buy it….

Then… He wrecked it… He was real upset… I told him “I can get another car, but I can’t get another son. I’m just glad you’re all right”. This is one of those life lessons that he has to go through and learn from. He needs to work on his driving skills.

My middle daughter got a job at the same grocery store that my son is working at. She’s excited to have a job and have spending money. Although she’s not real happy that Dad still has a say so about how she spends and saves her money.

My youngest daughter is my challenge. Although she can be a very loving child she is also questioning my judgment and challenging my authority as a parent. (Oh what fun…)

Me:

Plan B sucks. And I’ve been real good about being very dark.

I haven’t tried to contact my WW and she hasn’t tried to contact me. My youngest daughter and my step-daughter really want to spend time together but WW doesn’t want to bring the step-daughter over to my house (even though she’s welcome) and I don’t want my daughter around her boyfriend.

I’m lonely; I have good days and bad. I seem to be going from a high to a low, from one day to the next. (I feel like I’m manic) I try and keep myself occupied. I’m still going to the gym. I am still not smoking! (You can do it too Not2) But there are days when I have cravings. I read the bible a lot. I enrolled in a financial class through the Chaplin on base. (Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University) I’m still going to see my counselor. And I’ve been going to the men’s group meetings at church.

So even though I think plan B sucks I’m still working on improving myself and keeping myself busy. I’m really enjoying the Financial Peace University. I hope to be debt free by February. (Except for my mortgage)

I do appreciate and miss all the encouragement and wisdom that I’ve gotten from several people on this board: Pepperband, Mark, Not2, Lala, Believer, Learning2fly, Melodylane… just to name a few. I’ll try and post a little more often… But like I said earlier… I think I just needed a break from the board for a while.

Amazin.

I'm lonely and tired of plan B...

Any vets have any advice or encouragement? I could use it right now. How do I work through the hurt and loneliness?


Amazin.

Well I'm not one of the vets but... it's good to hear from you again. I have a suggestion. Since you've been in Plan B for awhile, why not come back to MB more often and help out the newbies who are just beginning their journey or encourage other Plan B'ers who may be feeling like you?

I know there's a group of people here who started in Plan B around the same time (way before you got here) and I've watched them support each other through it all. You guys in Plan B NEED to stick together. I'm hoping some of them will come along and support you too!

You're going to be okay Amazin. You're doing the right thing, even if it feels lonely at times. Are you still involved in all the activities that you were in before? Men's Group? etc.?

Thanks Meggy.

I still come around. I haven’t been posting much... just looking and lurking. I don’t know if I’m in a place where I can help and encourage others.

I’m still really hurt and bitter. Broken is how I would describe myself. I was very much in love with my wife when we married and I miss being in love with her. I miss the family things we did with our kids. Weekends seem to bring all those feelings of hurt and loneness to the surface. I’m tired of feeling like this, I’m raw and exhausted.

But I think I understand what you’re saying. Helping others will help heal me... Good medicine for the soul. I’m still involved in my men’s group but we’re taking August off then starting back up in September. I’m still seeing my counselor. I’m still working out at the gym. I’m still not smoking... sort of... I’ve had a couple of cigars in the last few weeks. My nicotine cravings seem to intensify when I get anxious about my situation... mostly on the weekends.

I haven’t had internet access at home since Wednesday. I have Verizon and every time it rains the internet stops working. And it doesn’t even have to rain at my house. If it’s raining in central Pennsylvania (2 hours away) it doesn’t seem to work.

I also haven’t had any cable TV for about 2 weeks. It sucks! I’m not a TV addict... but I do like being informed. News, weather, etc... I’m going to get Direct TV through Verizon. But...They already screwed up my order... I’m not happy and they haven’t even installed the Direct TV system.

No internet... No TV... maybe God is guiding me toward the bible.

Glad you posted!


OMG! I'm involved in high-drama with Verizon right now because of that very same thing. I ordered their 3-deal package a MONTH ago. Since then, they've lost the 1st order, had to start over with a whole new phone number, and just last week they had to give me yet ANOTHER new phone number (that's three). There was no problem installing the Direct TV, even without the phone working.

The phone JUST started working on Friday.

Just YESTERDAY, I was able to connect my DSL (with one of the TWO kits they sent me!) but when I entered my NEW phone number to register it, there was no record of DSL. So I entered the SECOND phone number they gave me and it worked. So I'm getting my DSL through a different phone number, even though I only have ONE telephone line. Go figure. They tell me I'll have to call back Monday, for the 30th time (and be put on hold for an average of 15 minutes and transferred at least three times) to let them know about the DSL issue. They also said the current DSL will probably be disconnected since it's running off the wrong phone number. Grrrrrrrrrr.... I am not a happy camper.

So good luck with your hookup. Hopefully it won't be as painful as mine.

I just saw on the ONE TV CHANNEL THAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW.... that verizon may go on strike on monday....


I'm not a happy customer either... If they screw my order up I'm going to go with comcast.

Wow! Sounds like a job for the Better Business Bureau. You know it's AMAZIN (sorry couldn't help it! ) what happens when you write them. Things start happening right quick!

I am so glad to see you posted an update, although it made me sad... I am so sorry you are lonely. But, you are doing many good things and I am very proud of you! And YES, keep coming here for encouragement and to help support others. Your input is valuable, you know. Plus, you have a group of people here who really care about you and how you are doing. We want to help. We want to be able to cheer you up when you're down.

I'm sure it's tough raising kids by yourself- especially teens in rebellion mode. Hang in there and try to enjoy them while you can. They grow up so fast! And be TOUGH, Amazin...they need a dad, not another friend. That's such a problem nowadays-parents trying to be their kids' friends instead of their parents. I'm sure you are doing a great job, though...don't get discouraged!

I hope you can find some peace and happiness on a consistent basis soon. Just know we are all here cheering you on!!


Edited to say--HA! I just read your post on my thread. LOL! I swear I didn't see that till after I posted this. I'm still here for ya, man!

Hey Amazin,

Sorry to hear about the downer you are in. How long you been in Plan B??? Have you thought about how long you are going to do this????

I only ask cuz I am nosy.

Anywho, when you get down look at all the Amazin things you have learned and gained in this whole ordeal.....

First and formost, your relationship with God...

The reuniting with your son....

the weight lose....

becoming closer with your daughter...

and thats just to name a few.....

Keep you chin up and yeah, get your butt back here more often. It helps to be with "us" who get it.....

not2fun

Too funny.

I meant to post sooner... but.... life gets hectic and all...