Hi Wex,<BR>I'm sorry to hear you are going through such tough times. It sounds like you are doing alot of constructive things--reassuring her and going to counseling. Just wanted to make sure that you understood that anger doesn't necessarily imply guilt. If she is having an affair, she still might think that she is being baited into confessing. You say that in a previous relationship she never lived it down. I'm finding it extremely hard to open up about any part of my life to anyone, because when I met my H, I told him everything about myself. One of my "major" transgressions to him was the fact that I had sex on my prom night--with the guy I was dating, jeez. After 8 years together, he couldn't get "over" that. &%$^* 15 years after high school I'm getting this grief!! I mean, literally, everytime he saw kids in prom wear, or a movie had a prom scene in it, he'd get pissed and talk to me like I was some kind of whore. I'm an engineer, so I work with lots of men. Still, before I met the OM, I never even thought of being with anyone other than my H, even though I was surrounded by men 60 hrs. a week!! Got off on a tangent there...blech. As you can tell, I'm still pretty hurt that my H couldn't see his part through. Your wife is lucky that you are willing to work on your marriage. <P>You've said that you've reassured her that you still love her and want to work on the marriage no matter what. Make sure you are keeping your other promises, even small ones. If your suspicions are correct about her being afraid to confess, seeing that you really do follow through on your promises may help her see the light.

Wex,<P>I think the hardest thing for me is just being so off balance. Is she really feeling the way she does becasue of my past behavior or is it really an affair. I am to the point that I just want to know. I too have become very pissed off and pushed to find out what is going on all to no avail.<P>I have tried to remain calm and try the other approach. All I know is if I where in her shoes she might think that she has nothing to gain by telling me. What if this is something that hangs over her head forever? I guess like everyone else says. Trust your gut. I keep going back to the fact that no one really falls out of love unless there is someone else. Man it is way easier to give advice then try to do all this stuff

TS and Zip - I wrote long, soul-searching responses to both of your latest posts. (Zip, also check my responses to your "Truth and Lies" thread.) But they got lost because, for some reason, I was abruptly disconnected! Un-freaking-believable. I'll try again tomorrow! R & B,<P>--Wex