Yes, I do think it is risky.

I, too, am still friends with OW's H. It could have been more, no doubt about it. Could still be if we allowed it.

There was so much drama going on and so much to compare notes on that we ended up talking almost daily.

I am certain I called him when I didn't really NEED To compare notes - just to hear a calming, understanding voice on the phone.

He called often just to check on me - to force me out of my self pity. I'm embarrassed now to remember what a mess I was, all the tears and tremors that he dealt with while going through his own personal he77.

There were times I wouldn't answer the phone, knowing it was him, wanting to wallow in tears and heart ache, especially when WH eventually had DDs for weekends. Those first few times were so hard.

OW's H would knock on my door and not give up until I'd drag my sorry butt off the couch or out of bed and answer the door. He'd talk me into getting dressed and going for a drive, where'd I'd cry and we'd talk it out.

Eventually my brain would engage and I could get the tears under control and let some rational thought back in.

I learned so much about OW through him and that helped me tremendously. We BSs are so hard on ourselves, comparing and always feeling like we fall short of the OP.

This is a slippery slope. I needed desperately for someone to confirm that I was not worthless. Simply being able to talk it out with someone who TRULY knew what I was going through and the specific people involved gave me that confirmation.

I think it is something we all need to be careful of. It doesn't have to be about revenge for it to happen.

Fox

I'm not the slightest bit attracted to the OMGF (she's nice enough, just not my type), so having a revenge A with her was out of the question.

I did consider however withdrawing a few $$$, stocking up on the blue pills and having a serious night out with some of the looser ladies though...

OWBF wasn't the least bit attractive to me. He was 12 years older than me and lives in another state as well.

I will admit that having an RA crossed my mind. I wouldn't seriously follow through with it, but when this was all really fresh I wanted to lash out and hurt DH as much as he'd hurt me. What it boils down to for me is I wouldn't knowingly inflict this agony on him for spite. Nobody deserves to feel this way.

Appart from the ethical considerations ther are two practical reasons why it is not a good idea:

1) Whitout the excitement and the hormones of the A and with the pain of the betrayal in your mind, it will be a dissapointing experience.

2) The revange would not be what you hoped for. The WS would know that the blow of betrayal was not un-diserved. So it will not be anywhere as devastating as the blow that was given to you. It could even be a relief to the WS since you are now on the same level. He/ she can then let go of the guilt.

A little overly-dramatic, don't you think?

No, I don't aspire to be an OM.

If I did end up divorced as a result of the A, you'd better bet that I'd jump at the chance to sleep with OM's W.

I'd send him a videotape of the deed, to.

Look for it on Youtube.

As they say, you have sex with everyone your partner also has sex with. So in a way you already have - pretend it was a wild night and you just don’t remember anything now.

IMO revenge is vastly underrated. To be effective it needs to be very cold and calculated revenge. Earthshaking and life altering revenge. Just acting out does not make for good revenge. You must dedicate a good part of your time talent and treasure to it. Revenge on FWW would be counterproductive in general. But, I think I could exact an exquisite revenge on OM if I wasn’t so busy with life in general. Too much trouble, actually.

Oh, I don’t know about this risk. There is serious risk at the library for any new BS. I was invited to have an affair with friends and strangers alike at lest a dozen times in the months after both D-Days. A barista at the local café asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with her just last week – and she knows I am married. (I said thanks, but I’ve already seen that movie and I know how it ends.)

It’s all in your head, you know.

OM’s BW and I were in regular emotionally charged contact for a couple of years after D-Day 2. Boinking her for revenge crossed both our minds. But we just laughed it off. Too much trouble and counter productive. And unethical. We did agree if we both ended up D'd because of the VLTA we would get together and have a drink. But neither of us were serious. There were lots and lots of other people we would want to have a drink with first. Like OM, in that sleazy bar with the easly bought thugs that hang out in it.

With prayers,

I think it's one more thing that it's okay to think about in that 'ha, ha, wouldn't it be poetic justice if we xxx' way but not something it's a good idea to do. Kind of like fantasizing about whacking people with shovels, or stuffing them into wood chippers, or that sort of thing. Normal to have these thoughts and maybe use them to vent and/or express VERY valid feelings of hurt and betrayal. Not good to go through with them.

Like Fox, however, I expect that it happens more than we might think.

Take the high road instead.

"Kind of like fantasizing about whacking people with shovels, or stuffing them into wood chippers, or that sort of thing."

I'm all over that!!!!!! LOL.

The other BS in my case was very attractive, but I just didn't want to go there. He was my support and a good friend. Didn't want to rut with him.

Having SF with the OP's spouse is probably a waste of time, revengewise, in most situations. My WstbxH would like nothing more than for me to hook up with OWH (beyond our friendship and info trading). At one point, he told me I should move in with OWH so that he could afford to pay OW more child support. I can't believe how rediculous that appears typed out. He was genuinely serious when he said it and his disappointment was immense when I told him I wouldn't.

I'll get my revenge when the karma bus hits them. I know it's just a matter of time and I'm patient. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.

LOL...me over-dramatic???





Now...there's a piece of drama for you....on Youtube no less.

Aspire: be eagerly desirous, esp. for something great or of high value

"jump at the chance" sounds eagerly desirous to me.

Guess the high value is in the eye of the beholder...being a POS OM doesn't have high value to me. But if you would want to wear that shoe, have at it.

I still believe that this site has NOT benefitted you if you can make that type of claim.

committed

Now I'd love to have a go with OM's 22yo daughter and send him a tape of daddy's little girl showing him what a good influence he was on her morality.


I already tried the extortion thing and he flat out told me that his family was worth nothing to him. His wifey REALLY loved that recording on exposure day.

Gawd....what type of men are on this site???


committed

I'm mortified at the morals of some of the BS on this site. Some of these are in the EXACT class of their WS, apparently.

If indeed they are just waiting for the opportunity to do these things (instead of just mindlessly ranting) then the only thing separating them is lack of opportunity.

There is NEVER a good excuse for adultery or fornication, not even revenge.

The scary thing is some of these supporting the idea, are the very people who have been on this site supposedly learning for a long time. Doesn't look like they have learned much.

Very sad.

I am speechless.


To consider using a 22 year old girl as a sexual object to exact revenge on anyone (let alone her father) completely and totally floors me.


I'm with you, committed. What kind of man is that?


As for the concept of "revenge affairs".

The idea of using sex for any purpose beyond the expression of love between two consenting adults is just unfathomable to me. To use it for revenge, money, pornography, or any other purpose sullies an act so intimate, beautiful, and bonding.

I couldn't see myself ever showing such disrespect to another human being, let alone to myself.


SB

shocking.

...but if it was just an affair, and not a "revenge" affair...it's understandable, because there was love? I'm not following.

I'm not sure how serious some of the "revenge" ideas in this thread are, but it's shame that a BS can't speak about the daydreams and such that they may be having without being insulted. I guess it would be healthier to bottle this stuff up? I'm guessing the amount of these daydreams that actually come into fruition is about .00005%, so no big deal. People think...people dream...some people type what they are thinking...as long as it doesn't happen, what harm is it?

It would seem that many of you are having a problem with the concept of "TRUE" revenge. While I might choose to go about it in a different manner ... for "revenge" to be effective, it needs to be cold and inflict more pain on the recipient than the precipitating offense.

Again, you may not agree with their style, but Krazy and Pariah have displayed a thorough understanding of the concept ... and FWIW ... given their individual circumstances, I feel they are justified in harboring those feelings.

Personally, I find it refreshing to see a BH with a backbone and a willingness to be honest with themselves and others about their emotions, even the negative ones.

there was nothing SB's post that was insulting. If people are going to type such disgusting things...don't expect others to not respond.

Show me Bh that is willing to go after the OM...and I would agree. Show me a husband that is expressing a desire to use a 22 year old girl that has no part in this for revenge and I call that person a coward.