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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365 |
Hurtdad,
We try to do a date night twice a month - not always possible but we try. We have found just taking a walk outside together helps us too. Also I'm planning a weekend for just us. In the past we neglected spending time together out of the house with no kids.
G
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 100
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 100 |
Hurtdad,
Something that my DH (I am the FWW of MyRevelation) and I did in the early stages of our recovery was to go to a comedy club on date nights. It's a wonderful stress reliever--nothing like a good belly laugh to ease tension!! We would go out to dinner before hand (no R talks) and then head to the club. It's a great way to reconnect and remember how you interacted during your dating days. In fact, we talked the other night about how we needed to go back again soon.
We're going to have a date night tonight, too. We're both sports PSYCHOS, and we're going to BW3's to watch the Olympics and the Monday Night Pre-season football game. Talk about ideas with your wife, and make it something really fun to plan and look forward to!
Good luck!
FWW me 43
BH 48
DSD 29
DSS 24
DGD 9
DGS 5
M 4/22/95
DDay 7/25/07
NC 7/26/07 broken on 7/30/07--NC since
Email: myrevfogfree@yahoo.com
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82 |
We try to have date nights every two weeks also. Just trying to get back to a routine. Been zombied out long enough. We are having good discussions, just hard to believe anything she says about the A. I can believe her about everything else, just tough to on the A.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Posts: 82 |
I was wondering what do you all think about me confronting the OM. Wether it be face to face or by email. I'd like to hear what he has to say.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
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Posts: 1,288 |
I phoned the OM...4 or 5 times. It was the only way I could get any information on what WW was up to. Some may tell you to leave sleeping dogs lie, but from my experience, it was the right thing to do.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365 |
I used my H's cell phone to call OW and it was totally pointless. It really didn't accomplish anything - why would I want to give this other person the power to get me further upset and let her have the upper hand on me. It was a stupid thing to do. I worked it out with my H instead of the OW. Put your energy into your WW.
G
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Posts: 82 |
I have decided not to contact the OM. Why does it even matter what his opinion is? My FWW and I have been working very hard and are making some very good progress. It feels good to have some brightness in the future!!
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365 |
I'm glad. The thing that kept me from not divorcing my H was his commitment to R. Your wife seems very committed and you do too. You'll see, it will get better - maybe even a better relationship than you imagined - that's what happened to me.
G
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82 |
I think we'll get through it. We have really focused on stopping the LB. I am hoping for a better relationship. I have finally understood how the EA happened. Very poor communication. We have worked on that very hard. Just still a few days of why did it not stop after the first D-Day? That is my burden to bear and get over. No answer will ever be good enough.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 982
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 982 |
Hi Dad,
The EA did not happen due to very poor communication. She made a choice to have an EA. It did not involve you.
Lake
BW-53
FWH-54
H had EA 3 weeks 06
Married 1977
N C 4-10-06
3 DSs
In Recovery
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895 |
I believed, accepted and forgave very quickly like you. I was totally blindsided by my intense anger six months later. I pray things go well for you and am glad that she seems committed to the M. Just remember to trust but confirm.
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Posts: 82 |
I know that it was her decision to hve the EA. But, as we all know there are events that lead up to it. I take no responsibility for her actions. Just want to work on the core problems that existed to make sure all EN are met. I do trust but I am confirming.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Posts: 82 |
Just an update. Things are going pretty well. No arguments last few days. Had a really good weekend.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
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Posts: 365 |
Glad to hear things are progressing for you both. By the way I agree with you "it was your wife's decision to have A" but you recognize events led up to it, eg. not meeting EN. It's not an easy thing for a BS to admit they had a part in what was lacking in relationship.
G
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Posts: 6,108 |
I have a hard time believing that a single man (OM) wasn't getting sex or some sort of physical contact out of this affair.  She states she prayed to let all of the feelings for him be taken from her heart. She says GOD answered her prayer. While I do believe in the power of prayer, if she had or thinks she had/has this man in her "heart" that is troubling. In her own words she is acknowledging the depth of the wayward feelings she had/has for this man. Her actions reinforce that as well or you wouldn't have a 2nd D-day. Have you ever told her you were going to contact the other man? If so, what was her reaction?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 82 |
Yes, I told her I was going to contact him by email. I even let her read it. She said that was fine. She had no problem with it. After talking to MC he suggested I wait to send it. His reasoning was for me to think about what it was going to accomplish and if I was ready for the answers.
BH-51
FWW-39
6 month EA
4 fantastic kids.
Happily Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 365 |
BlackR,
It is possible to give all your emotions to someone else without it becoming a PA. My H is proof of it and there are many at MB too that have had EAs.
G
me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
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