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Mark posted this on my thread the other day.... I love you girl.... I'm right here in prayer and spirit... WE WILL BE OK... HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, SMILE ON, LOVE IN YOUR HEART AND YOU ARE A TRUE GODDESS. Queenie,
The secret isn't accepting where you are as much as understanding where you are going.
Dave Ramsey talks about how when you are water skiing they tell you to look where you want to go because you end up going where you look. If you look down, that is where you end up.
In bull riding riders are told the same thing, look ahead, not at the ground. If you begin to look for a place to land when you fall off, you will fall off.
In Psalm 23 David talks about going through the valley of the shadow of death. It wasn't where he wanted to be and he wasn't accepting of the place he was. Rather he looked forward to where he knew he was being led. His hope came not from acceptance but from faith in what God had promised.
When Abraham was told to go up the mountain with his son and sacrifice him there, it wasn't acceptance of losing his son that caused him to have faith, but rather was the knowledge that God had said that his descendants would become a great nation and a blessing to all mankind.
Hope comes not from accepting where you are but from believing you are going somewhere better.
The wilderness is a miserable place, but when your goal is a promise of God, it becomes merely a part of the journey.
A country and western song of a couple years back became my theme song...
When you're goin' through h3ll
Keep on movin...
Faith isn't being accepting of where you are but being content with what God has promised. It is where He is taking you that matters. It's knowing that where ever He takes you is the best place you can be...even when it isn't where you wanted to go when all this began.
You don't have to accept the valley of darkness or be content with where you are as long as you know that God is with you and is taking you through to the other side.
Not because you know where you are going, but because He knows where He is going and is taking you along and that is a safe and wonderful place to be.
Hope is not in where I am but in the promise of Jer 29:11. Whatever He has planned it is good for me, even best for me, though it might not be what I had picked for myself.
But I don't know what He knows or I would be Him.
And I'm not...which is why I can trust His promises.
Mark
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi CL, Well, yes, I now understand this. They have a way of making us feel worthless. The hostility is making me feel guilty, like this was all my fault. I was a bad wife, mother, etc. If I somehow would have done things differently, none of this would have happened. ...this is why, CL, when in doubt, you STAY in PLAN B and let its DARKNESS protect you from these feelings... ...just take it as a little reminder which makes you appreciate PLAN B all the more.... and so makes it easier... NEXT TIME.. to choose DARKNESS! Now... you have got to take care of yourself... and as Bugs suggests.... think back at what you DID anytime you had to get back 'on track'....and DO IT! (((((((((((((((((((CL))))))))))))))))))
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Stop the bad Cl, you are WORTHY!!!!! I just can't stand it. Anytime you think that you are bad just look in the mirror and say, 'I AM WORTHY'. You have done the best you could, you have plan A'd in the most marvelous way, and you had to go to B. You have reached out to your WS while you were in plan B because of illness, and don't feel bad for one more moment. It just is what it is. You have done your best, and you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and know that.  (((((((hugs!!)))))) Love in Christ, Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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Thanks Luna, Queenie, Miss M for the words of encouragement. I do appreciate the support.
Now for round two this week...
You all know DD had an addiction. She was evicted, lost everything, including her wonderful dog (which the pound took and put down), and has spent time in jail. Bottom?? Oh no.
She has been staying with some old guy who felt sorry for her (I know, hang with me here)but he has given her until the 12th to get out. I called him a couple of days ago just to find out the truth about what is going on and he told me that he just can't take the chaos, fighting, drug dealing, and general disregard for his privacy etc. I know all too well because I lived it for 3 years.
So, I get a call today from a guy who knows DD and has tried to get her straight over the years. He tells me that during one of her court mandated trips to an outpatient rehab (which is obviously doing NO good) she met this former Marine who got addicted after he came home from Iraq. So, she takes him to the old guy's house last night, he passes out, but they can't wake him up to leave, so they let him lay on the sofa. Well guess what?
Oh, I'm sure many of you have guessed that he didn't wake up at all and was dead this morning.
I have no idea where this will lead but it can't be good. I have not spoken to her because I just can't. I don't know what happened or what will happen. I now know that I made the right decision not to let her live with me because this could have happened in my home.
I have no more energy left for any of this. I told my brother to put me on suicide watch. Half kidding but half not, you know?
Going to take my dog for a walk now.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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What a nightmare!
Hopefully she didn't give him the drugs.
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Hi CL, I am sorry, CL, that on top of having to deal with a WS, you also have to deal with DD's situation. These kinds of deaths always make me sad because it leaves no room 'to learn and do better'. We can now only hope that the incident will HELP your DD to see where she's headed unless SHE 'turns' her life around. I now know that I made the right decision not to let her live with me because this could have happened in my home. I am glad you are able to see this... because as a parent, the 'guilt' factor must be high, and also recognizing how important it is NOT to lose yourself in everybody else's needs... until you get a good handle at taking care of yours! I have found when I thought I was 'falling off the horse'  ...as with anything, with practice, we recognizes it QUICKER....and it also becomes EASIER to get back on the horse! 
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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I have no idea where this will lead but it can't be good. I have not spoken to her because I just can't. I don't know what happened or what will happen. I now know that I made the right decision not to let her live with me because this could have happened in my home. Wow. I can't imagine such a nightmare. I guess you know the best thing for YOU is to do nothing at all concerning your DD. Your DD has made her choices and even though it hurts something fierce to watch it, you ARE powerless over this. I'm kind of going through the same thing with my 22-yr old daughter but not nearly so severe. She's just making bad choices to stay with a man who refuses to work and support her and the children while she works her [censored] off. Arghhhh! There's nothing we can do as mothers except be there for them once they finally hit bottom and HONESTLY reach out for help. (((Chai)))
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Believer, I'm sure drugs were involved. I just don't know where it will lead. If this doesn't wake her up, nothing is going to do it. I get angry because all of this started when her dad quit coming home due to the A. Instead of being here helping his own child, he was attending rehab with OP and her son.  Our family just fell apart after that and she went down the tubes. Luna, thanks. You always have such great words of encouragement. You're a great example for me. PM, just be glad that you DD is a contributing member of society. She may be supporting a bum, but she will get tired of that one day and ditch him. At least she works. Mine can't hold a job more than 3 days. Well, I should probably go back to my Plan B thread since I'm now back in a dark Plan B. SL reminded me all to clearly about why this is necessary. Hey, I'm a slow learner. I've been burned enough by WH that I now get it. Dark, dark, dark. I don't want to go into the light again only to be wacked in the gut by that freaky, wayward, horse's arsehole.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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There's nothing we can do as mothers except be there for them once they finally hit bottom and HONESTLY reach out for help. Hey Chai, do we see the COMMON THEME in this. We can't fix anyone but ourselves. We can't control anyone but ourselves. It's not what we want them or our WH's to be doing, but they are walking their OWN journey as stupid as it is to us. But G-d has plans for you, and THEM. He loves them more than you could EVER. He knows how this ends. We just have to TRUST him and keep working on us. Having your DD and WH acting almost the same way should be a reinforcement that they are involved in and ADDICTION. It's the drama that feeds itself to keep going. They are RUNNING from whatever, I am not going to be so bold as to say I know what it is, but they are RUNNING. And they get tooo. All we can do, is learn about us, be the example, keep loving them the SAFEST was possible and moving foward each day with one toe in front of the other. I have to tell you, I love when you write and I love talking to you, you are so funny how you describe stuff, ever thought about stand up comedy? 
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Okay, Chai, I have another one for you. It's an acronym: M.E.R.E.-Mr. Ed's Rear End I guess you'd have to use the capitalization and all since we have meremortal here who goes by "mere." Charlotte P.S.) Yeah, derived from the last sentence in your post! LOL!
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Wow Queenie, you pointed out something that I guess I didn't quite see - that they are both in adictions. I guess I didn't think of it like that. I guess addictions make you hostile huh?
Well, I don't know that I would make a good comedian. I just get lucky and come up with a few good ones here and there.
Dancing - I do like MERE but I'm beginning to think that Sphincter is a better name.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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that they are both in adictions. {/quote] Yes they are.
[quote] I guess addictions make you hostile huh? YOU are what stands in their WAY of the next FIX. Thing about it. Well, I don't know that I would make a good comedian. I just get lucky and come up with a few good ones here and there. Take the compliment and say thank you. Plus I get a cut if you should ever start getting money.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi CL, and Queenie, YOU are what stands in their WAY of the next FIX. ...and I guess it explains the hostility towards those that are the 'closest'... ...and whhhhyyyy...(drum roll, please!) ...Plan B is about the only thing that makes sense.... it stops the powerstruggling, offers protection, communicates boundaries, allows for personal choices, gives the path back home as an option.... ...but like anything that LOOKS simple ....it's easier said than done :RollieEyes:
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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But it doesn't offer the hope that the affair will end and they will come home.
It just offers the possibility of recovering your M by protecting the love you have left.
In my case, there is still so much love, I wish I could drain it so he was in danger of really losing me.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Nickname...
NEoSH...
North End of (a) Southbound Horse.
or NEoSA...
North End of a Southbound A$$.
Just call him Dufus...
Mark
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But it doesn't offer the hope that the affair will end and they will come home.
It just offers the possibility of recovering your M by protecting the love you have left. Well, Queenie... guess that's the whole idea around here, learning to work with WHAT IS and STILL be OK! ...when I think of all the heartache that could be spared if society wasn't sooo hooked on selling us so much BS (uhmmm...no relation to BSs around here!  ) ....but once we DO figure it out, at best, we can at least stop being....volunteers! Take care. ((((((((((((((((CL & QUEENIE))))))))))))))))) I am signing out. Talk to you tomorrow.
Last edited by lunamare; 08/09/08 09:50 PM.
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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