I second what PM says. You are just at the start of this.

You will go through stages where you think WW is the worst thing in the universe and then other times when you'll ask yourself why you couldn't have preserved your marriage and family. You'll second guess things that you have done and wonder if you could have done other things better.

It's natural. You'll go through it.

Keep your chin up. You're doing well. The WW is making your healing easier by behaving as heinously as she is.

And she's also going to try every single way she can think of to get under your skin and make you repent and take her back. Expect a LOT of sneaky emotional moves.

And ALWAYS, if you talk to her, ALWAYS remember to never give her an answer to anything on the spot. Say you have to think about it, if you get sucked into discussing something.

ABw/3

How are you doing? How are the kids?? I know you must be very busy, but please give us an update when you have time. Praying for your little family!

I think they're out of town until tonight.

OK, I was thinking they were coming in today. Was just hoping for good news, but he may be too busy to update!

Sorry guys. Home today at 5, baseball practice at 6. We leave for another tournament tomorrow morning.

Everything is fine. No more real drama. I've stayed pretty dark...only a few texts about the kids.

WW did send all 3 of us a text that she had found God again (He was never lost???). Of course, then she continued to try and blame me for how the kids are feeling.

When she TRULY finds her faith again, she'll stop blaming everyone else for her problems and start looking in a mirror. Still no REAL signs of repentence.

Of course, it's too late to save the marriage anyway, but her relationship with the kids might someday be regained.

May not be able to update over the weekend. Wish us luck!

I went back and read pages 1-4 of your sitch to see how different you are now compared to when you started here.. wow.. You've made such strides.. only to have you WS do what they do best, when they arent thinking, get pg or getting someone else pg.

I just wanted to say even though we are total strangers, I am proud to know you just through your posts. I made a few posts that didn't amount to much besides agreeing with others, but I never had anything... personal to say until now.

Thanks RMX...I do remember seeing you a few times.

BTW, spent the weekend at an amusement park with all 3 kids. Ever taken a 3 year old to the kiddie rides? I noticed I was the ONLY single father on the "duckies" and "bees." All the mom's noticed too. I felt like a teenager for a little while.

Guess I know where to go when it's time to try the "dating" thing again, huh?

Leaving for the tournament now...I'll be back when we lose 2 or win the thing...Have a Great Weekend!!!

You're doing great, so glad!

btw, wanted to remind you that Plan B means you don't read emails from her. You should be blocking them and having your intermediary tell her that she has to email or contact the IM, who will then decide whether you need to hear what she has to say. It's for your own good.

No emails CP, just texts. I guess I'm in an amended Plan B now, racing towards D in about 90 days.

I did get a voicemail from WW this morning crying about not seeing the baby (she said "her" baby). She just wanted "to hear her sweet voice..." I deleted and ignored it. No more manipulation!!!

It would seem that M has her own issues to deal with now. Her husband called me over the weekend upset about some issues they had a year or so ago. Apparently, he thought my WW may have known more than he did and that she may have shared with me.

I gave him some much needed advice on infidelity and second chances...needless to say, my M isn't of much use anymore.

WW should be getting papers this week concerning the D. Visitation is to be as we had previously agreed...I get FULL custody and support above the state standards.

If she doesn't agree and contests it, we fight in court and she gets even less visitation. I should still get FULL custody regardless. That's what matters most to me anyway.

Checking into a suit against OM for A of A. My attorney says it may not be worth the expense, but I'm still considering it. Not out of spite or for vindication, but for financial gain for my kids.

Again, have a great weekend!

Got back yesterday from the baseball tournament. We finished fifth in the entire Southeast! WW was NOT in attendance for ANY of the games!

Dropped the kids off (NOT the baby) for a visit with WW for a few hours after getting home. She did tell them about the pregnancy. She also informed them that the father wanted nothing to do with her anymore!

The kids seemed to take it pretty well. They both said their initial reaction was anger and said that they understood that I was not the father. Right now at least, it really doesn't seem like they care. I can't predict what their emotions will be later on, but I'm glad they do at least understand now that WW is never coming home. They almost seem as relieved as I have been.

Thanks for the update, ABw/3

I believe your life is about to get better. Just PLEASE be patient. Don't get too close to any other ladies until your divorce is final. I know you must be very lonely at times, but you don't need the added complications, as tempting as it may be. You have the rest of your life!

When they finally have their "ah-ha" moment, count on them being very ticked off at her.

It took awhile for my bio kids to get there, and I have one that is JUST NOW having it soak in.

It's hard.

The other man wnats nothing to do with your wife now. He sees how she is. But he WILL HAVE to have a relationship with her, and a very close one too. Because she will most likely have to come after him for child support!

AB I know you dont appreciate some of the things i said on this thread. But they all proved to be true!

I try and speak the truth.

I think her pregnancy is a blessing, it pushes you into divorce. Your kids don't have to put up with much of thier lying cheating dysfunctional, yelling mother anymore. Sad though they might be, it is better for all of them....

Stella, it was NEVER what you said, it was the WAY you said it.

You are absolutely correct about one thing, however. The pregnancy became the line in the sand that I could not let WW cross! For ME, it is a blessing to not really have a decision to make anymore.

Oh...and don't doubt for one minute that I'm not prepared for WW's next effort at R. Now that OM is gone and she finds herself alone, preparing to be a new mommy again, and without the baby I'm adopting anywhere around her, I know she will once again try to manipulate me into "talking" to her.

Now that I see how comfortable my kids are without her here, and now that she has proven all of my early warnings to her to be true, I am remaining dark waiting for D to be final!

It is frustrating, yet slightly gratifying to us both that we were correct about so many things, though at times dyammetrically opposed to one another.

I know you only meant to help, but at times I didn't really like the way you went about it. No hard feelings! I think every "newbie" here feels there situation is extremely unique. Though mine may have had a few interesting twists (A with a chaplain, adoption, etc.), you guys did prove in the end that waywards all react and do alot of very similar things along the way!

I hear and understand. And I am for you and your precious kids having a great life! I do get angry at some people who hurt others. It almost hurts ME!!! I get too personally involved....

Aw3, I also am glad that the decision has been made and your path is clear now, so you can start on the healing.

I do hope that someone thinks of the baby as a blessing, just for themself. I find it so ironic and tragic that you are adopting a child who didn't have a good home, and WW is bringing another into the world.

And at some point your kids are going to have a sibling - who is innocent, and doesn't deserve to be shunned by their siblings.

I'm NOT trying to talk you into reconciling!!! I just feel bad for the poor child.

Here's a question: looking back in hindsight, do you think WW displayed signs of this all along? Not just the A, but all the extreme hysterics etc. Do you think there was a definite "break" that happened? Do you think she needs to be committed?

I'm sorry, I'm NOT wording this right, I've got too much going on to figure out how to say what I'm trying to say. Part of the reason I'm asking is to perhaps provide insight to others who may be like you were when you first came here. And part is because, as the mother of your children, you're going to have to deal with her on at least some level from now on.

A part of my discussion with my two oldest children was that, while WW has exhibited poor morals and made bad decisions, the OC she will have is in no way at fault. I'm not sure they will consider it their sibling in the same way as they do each other, but I've tried to explain to them that they also shouldn't shun the child simply due to their mom's mistakes. They have been more than willing to accept their soon-to-be adopted sister, so I think they will also be kind and loving to WW's OC.

As to warning signs of WW's lunacy. You know, hindsight is always 20/20. I suppose she has always exhibited signs of narcissism, but I can't say what triggered it to go off of the charts.

I can see that my forgiving reaction to her first A definitely made her feel at liberty to "do it again." I know that she expected me to be patiently waiting while she sowed more wild oats. In her mind, if OM didn't work out, she could have always came back home. It seems now that she realizes that her pragnancy has ended that opportunity.

I know that our family has had a lot of stress due to the foster parenting and trying to finalize this adoption. We had a 6 year old boy for almost a year who was a holy terror. We had been fighting to adopt for nearly two years now. Add in the stress from dealing with death every day, along with Satan introducing an empathising ear in the form of a "chaplain," and you have a recipe for disaster.

I've self examined to see if their was more I could have done to save our M, and I honestly don't think their was. WW just never allowed herself to be content no matter how blessed we were. It seems she felt the grass was greener elsewhere. I suppose now that she is seeing that she was incorrect.

One bit of comfort to me is realizing (and also having my kids tell me) that life really isn't all that different for me (or us) without her. Aside from having no one in the bed beside me at night, I still do all of the things daily that I always did anyway. Maybe God was preparing me for this episode for years by allowing me to work from home and take on all of the household and parenting responsibilities. I'm really perfectly content, and in many ways happier, without WW's whims and demands present anymore.

I just spent some time reading your first few posts, then skimming the rest (I was away from MB's when you arrived).

"My guess (and this sound VERY harsh) is that she will "lose" (facitiously) this child in the coming weeks or months and THEN expect me to take her back. I'm afraid that bridge is already burned!"

She might try that to try to get you to feel sympathy for her.

I also saw another poster mention how somebody she knew (Wayward Father?) tried to leverage sympathy becuase of his brain tumor.

My WXH's step-father was dying from prostate concer when he left us for the OW. My WH had major indecision issues, wavering between wanting to come home and wanting to be with OW. At one point he posted something on his family's webpage about how mean it would be if HE got cancer like his step-dad did and I would't let him come home... then sure enough, what a coincidence, a couple months later he supposely did get prostate cancer himself.
(He told our youngest daughter he got it because it was hereditary so he got it because his STEP-father had it LOL)
If we asked him anything about it, his test results, treatment, appointments... he wouldn't talk about it or would say something that showed he didn't know anyting about prostate cancer treatment. During false recoveries and Plan A he turned down my offer to go to appointments with him, and he coincidentally never had any appointment scheduled then anyway...

He told me his fmaily didn't want him to get surgery, chemo and radiation treatment - to try natural remedies instead.
They said that they were worried sick that he wouldn't get reatment and had been trying to talk him into it.

At the time there was a poster at MB's who really had overcome prostate cancer, who told me to ask WH some specifics about his lab results, certain levels, and WH had no clue what I was talking about... Then of course WH was miraculously cured of the cancer by simply changing his diet.

None of my family and friends believed he had cancer.

And our daughters are now wondering why, if he supposedly fought cancer, he started smoking again after being off cigarettes for a full decade?

Oh and guess what excuse OW has blabbed all over town for getting involved with a married man? She felt sorry for him because he said he had cancer...

A desperate addicted adulterer will say anything to try to get what they want.

It could be possible that your wife isn't even pregnant.
She might be just trying to get you to take her back or to cave to her demands, by exploiting your obvious concern for children.

Adulterers are addicts and temporarily insane, they tell lies, WHOPPERS! (BTW the pretending he had cancer wasn't even the worst lie my WH told.)

MM, I was say that there is no doubt that WW has earned the skepticism she is receiving. I still have doubts about the OC but can't understand the logic behind making such a claim...aside from her possibly "losing it" later on.

I'm especially baffled that she told our two children about this sooooo early. She knows their reaction will be hatred, disgust, and resentment! But, again, WW's ARE aliens and who knows what's going on in those self-addicted minds???

It sounds harsh, but it's all pretty irrelevant to me now anyway. My decision is made and there's no turning back! Even supposing she does "lose" this child, I can't subject me or my children to any more of her lunacy. Perhaps she feels that she can finally make me look bad if she can say that I refused to take her back during the "darkest moment" of her life (if she "loses" it). I'm sure taht won't work either if that is her thinking, but, again, who knows!

BTW, the kids and I are going to the beach next week with my parents and nephew. OM lives abour 10-15 miles from where we'll be staying. I have NO PLANS to look for him or engage him in any way...but, don't you think that it has been on WW's mind that I might??? We've all stayed at this place in years past, and she knows how close I will be to the father of her illegitimate child...I'm sure the thought has crossed her mind that I might look for him while I'm there. Guess she'll really be disappointed when I don't!