Can Steve Harley help if I go to him alone? WH would never consider talking to MB, or anyone else for that matter.

I know that because I have asked him and he has declined.

SH doesn't counsel couples together anyway. That is a bad idea. Steve may want to talk to him at some time in the future, but he will tell you what to say.

What he does do is assess your situation and give you a PLAN based on your situation.

Wtw, it's worth a shot. I understand your situation. My WstbxH had only one A that I know of, yet there were a host of other circumstances, including unmet ENs among other things, that I decided earlier on to stop pursuing recovery. I had found MB by then and had begun to apply some of the principals. In my emotional turmoil, MB provided a guide for me to get out of the pit of despair I was in. When I made the decision not to pursue recovery, I was already into Plan A and experiencing some of the benefits of exposure and improving myself. I went into a modified Plan B- not to save the M, but to save myself. Guess what - it is working.

Looking back now, I can see how MB could have saved my M if I'd chosen. I can also see how MB saved me anyway. I really didn't have to agonize over the decision as much as I did. I just needed to follow the plan. Regardless of your end goal, it works. You can give your marriage another shot or you can work on personal recovery. The steps are the same.

I know how hard it is to be tired and weary of putting forth all that effort for what seems to be nothing. It does help to have a plan to follow and steps to guide you.

OK - I have thought about this some more and read over the link you posted, Melody. (thanks!) It makes sense, and provides a glimmer of hope.

However, this is my immediate question..... how do I try and meet the EN of a person that I don't really like right now? All while not getting my own EN's met? I am exhausted, lonely, frustrated, disappointed, hurt..... how do I overcome these feeling yet again?

I'll admit that my Taker is ruling my emotions right now - I am a textbook case of the state of withdrawal.

The difference this time (I have been here before) is that I was able to muster the drive and energy in the past to try and work on the marriage. I can't seem to do that now.

How do I do that?

Feelings follow actions. You don't have to overcome feelings in order to start taking action in your marriaqe.

I would get an appointment with Steve Harley, order the book Lovebusters and Fall in Love, Stay in Love and dive into it. Bring yourself up to speed. Enlightenment is half the battle.

Willingtowait I can understand your situation. It has been 4 months for me since i found out. I am trying to overcome through reading books like The lady, her lover and her Lord by TD Jakes, also reading bible and lots of prayer. If you believe in that you can try it and see how it works....Just trying to live one day at a time.