Today WW had a golf tournament with her 2 friends.

I think you need to expose the affair, but I believe you need to get some stronger evidence.

Let me explain why I am suggesting exposure. Affairs thrive on secrecy. Exposing an affair is like turning on the lights in a crack house and bringing in a crowd to watch the crack heads. It ruins the high. Exposure is like CHEMOTHERAPY TO CANCER and ruins the fantasy aspect to the affair.

When your wife is forced to look at the disgust in the face of others, she will begin to see herself through the eyes of others.

Good exposure targets would be her parents, her siblings, your parents, close friends, the OM's parents, his children. When you expose to your family members, you will tell them you are trying to save your marriage, tell them all about the affair and ASK FOR THEIR ADVICE. When you ask for their advice, they are more likely to want to help you. It is very helpful when they speak to your wife about it.

Your children should be told of the affair FIRST.

Exposure is best done in ONE FELL SWOOP to get the maximum effect. It also prevents the affairees from pre-empting you.

I want to APPLAUD you for confronting the OM. I would suggest you do this every time he contacts your wife. Make as much trouble in his life as possible. He is a coward and a weiner who wont like havng to face his victim. He doesn't care about your wife and won't like the trouble.

HAVE YOU SNOOPED ON HER TO GET THE GOODS?

Do you see how effective your confrontation with the OM was? It caused huge conflict and upset in the affair. This is why you should continue to yank his chain every time you are aware that he contacts your wife. Continue to confront him and ask him to leave your marriage alone. He could never have a future with your wife because he would be eternally hated by your children for his part in ruining your family. <-----tell him this. Tell him you will fight for your marriage and he had better be prepared for the fight of his life.

Most OM are nothing more than weasels and cowards, so this can scare the heck out them. It is discouraging at the very least.

WW finally came home. She said she is really tired and needs to go to bed. I don't know why but I was able to control myself. I want to tell her what I think of her but I didn't.

I should ask her how her golfing went but I just don't give a crap.

After this I really don't want to even try anymore.

It sounds like you are tired of being a doormat and are ready to set some boundaries. This is good! At the same time, I think you have enabled your W's behavior and you need to go back to step one of your plan.

It sounds like you didn't do a very good exposure as part of your Plan A. Once you verify contact (did you set up a recorder??) are you willing to rethink your exposure plan?

Tell me something - when you learned of the plans for the golf tournament thing to be girl-only outing where you weren't invited, did you tell your WW how you felt about that?

The problem is that we had plans to watch our show together and she decided to go out with her friends instead. I told her I didn't like that she was breaking our plans last night but she said she didn't think it was a big deal and we can just watch the show tonight.

How did you respond?

Did you indicate that it was a big deal to you?

Did you indicate that it was more than just watching a show together; that you wanted to spend time with her, that you were really not happy with her choice to stay out?

If the conversation ended with her believing that you were reluctant but somewhat OK with her choice, it could explain why she would be annoyed at you this morning for complaining about her choice to your mother and your sister.

I am waiting until I get into her email and find out where she goes on the internet before setting up the recorder. I know it should be there now. I think I will find what I need on the computer.

If she is in fact in contact with OM my exposure this time will be done much better than before. I have made a list of people who I need to contact and will contact them when I find something. I have also found OM parents and their home number.

How was your wife pre-A? My H was a pretty good dad, interested in spending time with the kids, etc but during the EA he was acting like he was in a MLC, like he wanted to be a single guy and didn't care about us too much. Once C ended and he was through WD he returned to being his "old" self...

If I would have told her that it was more that just the show but spending some time together, she would have gotten mad at me. When I say something about spending time together she gets mad and says she doesn't understand why I want so much time.

Your quote above describing you H during his EA is my WW exactly. I have told my friends it's like she is going through a MIL at 32 years old. She acts like she wants to be single and young, doesn't want to spend much time with our girls. Before her EA she was happy to be married and spent lots of time with our girls. She wanted to do family things all the time. I would love to have her back to her old self.

What concerns me though is that she chose to continue to go out with her friend, knowing how you felt about it. That's very independent, even WW-type behaviour. Did she used to do this prior to her A?

One question I have is, if I find out this weekend that they are still in contact do I let her know that I know before exposure?