Well...third mediation session with WS tonight!

I have a lot of butterflies in my stomach...

Just thought I would let you, since it does involve you, that I am taking you all along with me there for support...in my HEART!

Urghhh!

Luna,

I'm here & ready to rock n roll!! Prayers & support for you are in place.

I know it will be tough, but try to keep your mind otherwise occupied today. Save up the energy for later at the meeting.

Do you have your ducks in a row for what is going to be covered tonight. Then all you need to do is trust, have faith, and KNOW you can do this. God is with you, as are all of your friends here!

Chin Up Chest Out - Be the Goddess!!

Hi Bugs,


I know you do... this is where there is some understanding of how much of a 'wild card' a WS can be...



They're in a row....just having a hard time keeping them to stay still! :RollieEyes:


...don't find the alternative very appealing....so...GODDESS it is!

(((Luna)))
Praying for you. Remember, we're there with you....

Not only are we there with you, but we are glaring at WH and hoping he feels the daggers....

{{{{{{{{{LUNA}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi CL and Queenie,

Thank you...I appreciate you're being there!

Just wanted you to know that as evening draws near, I am thinking of you and sending thoughts/prayers your way!

Bugsy!! WHERE ARE you getting those cool icons?

CL...


...hope you don't mind..asked Cind not long ago the same thing... (and since then, more have been added!)...

When creating a post, at the top you can 'select' some formatting for the text, such as B=bold, I=italics, U=underlining, well.... the happy face is not just a 'happy face' (like I thought) but by clicking on it, you can access a choice of those 'cool icons' that I JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE, too!
:RollieEyes:
Take care.

EDIT: ..or as Bugs explains it on her thread, in much much simpler way...

LUNA!!!

Heck with the icons,,,,,,,,,,,what happened last night?!!

Now...update on mediation session between...a BS and a WS, because, yes...I did survive it, after all! :RollieEyes:

Some first thoughts...

I AM exhausted.

...but it did allow me, yet again, the opportunity to 'stand up' for my family... and for that I am grateful.

I was prepared more than I thought.

... knowing that the 'value' WS had given in his D papers to some of the assets were estimated 'out of hat'...mediator has sent us back to substantiate some of the estimates in order to move forward... so, if WS had wanted plan D to be 'simple',it is definitely another 'reality check'...

I also realized that WS still seems to be very much in the fog! ...as he pursued with his....."why can't I get over it and accept that we are finished, and hopes that I also one day can find and experience the lOVE he has found with....GF!, and why can't I be open to friendly co-parenting and realize how 'us not talking' is so very very harmful to the boys!"

...which, again, gave me the opportunity to 'reach out' to the man I know is in there somewhere, who may be hurting to the core seeing what this is doing to our family... and that PRIDE, FEAR of rejection and DRUG of choice... are keeping from doing what I believe deep down knows what needs to be done (and that this is a battle I can't help him with!)

...and state once again the 'path back home', by letting him know:

...seeing that I may not have made it clear enough, that..

...like him, I was aware of how harmful our separation was to the boys

...that 'exchanges' between us was not 'taboo' (his word, not mine!), to the contrary, I have a lot to discuss with him....

...that it did not depend solely on me, neither solely on the passage of time...

...and that all will change the day we choose to work on us, by first being emotionally available,N/C with OP, and then by giving us the time and the means to work on M...

I can also confirm....that WS remains very much 'a guy's guy'... very 'visual'.....so I know that my GOODESS look did not go unnoticed .... that at some level, he is 'dying' to talk to me...and the mediation hour did pass ...oh... so quickly!

So, overall...I am satisfied.... and do think this will contribute to my healing process, if nothing else!

Hi Bugs,


Guess we were cross-posting this morning, Bugs.... just wanted to get that 'technical' question for Chai out of the way... :RollieEyes:

As you will notice.... my update came right after!

Honestly, Bugs... not having to have to deal with a WS for so long makes me wonder how I actually survived to live with a wayward for over 6 months after D-day, and deal with a WS on a day-to-day basis...WOW!

It's now the afternoon and I am STILL getting over the 'encounter'... I guess one of the things Plan B does provide is...distance!

WS's attitude really seemed..for a lack of a better word, so... adolescent! Hearing him talking about his GF as if we were back in...high school...and other statements that were 'all over the map' had me wondering...if this was really the man I married....boy!... I must have been in FOGLAND at the time... and it can be so...DESTABLIZING!

...can't help but be overtaken by SELF-DOUBT right now.

...even though one tries not to 'expect' anything from meetings with WS.... I WAS somewhat disappointed ...so...must have been hoping to get a glimpse of 'the man I married'...but he was nowhere in sight! ...yeah, so, well...OK...you can add the 'other one' that goes hand in hand with that....feeling a bit...discouraged...

...but NOT surprised!

For today, I am choosing to do the bare minimum...clearing the deck as much as I can to give me a chance to get emotionally 'levelled' again...and get back to being...somewhat SANE(R)!

Thanks you guys for being there. Don't know what I would you without you all.

(((((((((((((((BOARD))))))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there, Luna. The deeper you go into this, the more quickly recover from these kinds of triggers.

Just give yourself some space and time. Do something nice for yourself as a reward for surviving the ordeal. Your WH is still a Fogged-out Zombie, and dealing with them is very stressful (as you know).

Go easy on yourself with the self-doubting. He wasn't a zombie when you married him, and if he was all giddy and goofy, it was about you. I know it's hard not to overanalyze, but try to let it go.

It's a beautiful day outside.

Luna,

Thanks for the update. It sounds like you were happy with your own conduct, perfect!

As for WS, you didn't get what you hoped for - a glimpse of your H, and for that I am sorry. Yet no one, including you, really expected that. Hoped for, but not expected.

So what you did see was a goofy fogged out adolescent Zombie. You are so much better off in as much Plan B as possible.

It DOES take it out of you dealing with them like that, doesn't it? I recall vividly some encounters, even just over the phone, with Drac that effected me for days after. As SD so wisely recommends, do something nice for yourself.

Oh, and take some satisfaction in this -




Exactly what he deserves!!

Hi Guy,

Geeesh...that was a nice surprise...getting a post from you! Thanks.


I would agree. Having ridden the rollercoaster enough times... we can see the curves coming sooner ... so hang on better!

SD,

I know from reading your thread you have much more contact with SDQ...I don't know how you do it being exposed so frequently to a WS!


Yep, Guy... that's me...overanalyzing! it's one of the things I need to watch for... it really puts me in the dumps ...I am getting a little better at doing LESS of it.

Hi Bugs,

Thanks for dropping by.

You all have NO idea how helpful it is getting your support.


That's what makes it easier, drops the disappointment by a BIG notch... going from 'expectation' to 'hope' ....and helps in recovering quicker from it.


You bet!...but I may have a few 'loose ends' to tie up that may need a few exchanges with WS... not really looking forward to that, although I expect to...SURVIVE it. :RollieEyes


As a matter of fact, I find that very surprising...particularly when trying to imagine NOW actually LIVING with WS, which I did for about 6 months (yeah, I know, way toooo long!)...and in my case, WS was very blatant about his A!


This is definitely one of the pluses out of the whole deal...learning to give oneself permission to do some...FARNIENTE! well...may not have much of a choice....it's either that or go crazy!

WOW! Who's in charge of the emoticons?



_________________________

Unbelievable! Not talking is SO very harmful to the boys but adultry isn't?

Ah, waywards and their disgusting soul mate talk. A bunch of cr@P.

Hi Chai,

Thanks for dropping by.

Couldn't sleep (...as encounters with a WS are hazardous to one's sleep!) .... so I thought I'd come and check the...oh...so dependable BOARD ...there for you anytime of day!


I know ...my WS makes it easy for me to appreciate PLAN B! :RollieEyes:

I just needed to share.

DS17 slept over a friend's house last night... I was happy to see him back home this morning....but my enthusiasm was met with a very 'cold shoulder'....

uhmmm....I was telling myself....what's up with that?!!

Well... guess DS17 picked up on my 'confused' state of mind.... because about two minutes later...DS17 came up to me to share the fact that he had had a very bad night.... had stayed up late.... had not been comfortable, too hot! in the bed he slept in.... and had to wake up very very early because friend's mom babysits several children....in her house! ....and so, he was wanting to come home....for some 'quiet time'..... and found a chirpy mom happy to see him....

I thanked him for it.... and said I would 'leave him alone' and let HIM get up to speed at his own pace... gave him a big kiss...

....and both of us were back on our merry way to get on with our day....

I love it when my boys 'think' about taking the time to not leave their little old mom in the 'dark' worrying about what the problem might be.... I think this is huge for an adolescent to do...when supposedly it's a....me me me stage... (and it is what I also try to do with them when I am upset....trying to set the record about how I feel, and more importantly, that it has nothing to do with them!)

I LOVE my boys....I learn a lot....A LOT from both of them!

Luna,





Obviously they love you and learn a lot from YOU! Your boys sensitivity to your feelings is a reflection of your great example and teaching! Way to go Mom!!