Kudos for taking that terrifying, but necessary step of confronting your WW. Now is the time to STAY STRONG and don't waver or worry about what has already been done.

At this point, its up to your WW. You have left the door open for R, but she has to be willing to recommit, but REGARDLESS, YOU STAY STRONG ... remember, you have done nothing wrong here, even though she will acuse you of doing EVERYTHING wrong. BE PREPARED FOR HER VENOM.

You are dealing NOW with a serial cheater, so you have to understand that your chances of success just went WAY down, and its also possible, maybe even likely as this all sinks in, that you will be the one that eventually calls it quits because of her actions.

This is bull$hit selfish thinking. Yes, she needs to be happy. But you don't destroy a family "to be happy" and ruin the very thing the children need for them to be happy.

Should you expose more? Yes. Absolutely. Call her parents, your parents, friends, etc.

Do not tolerate this behavior in any way. She will be livid, but that doesn't surprise you. You conducted yourself in an excellent way.

Let her know that if she chooses to go down the path of divorce that you will not make it easy and that it will not be friendly and that you will not be friends. Also let her know that you will go for full custody of the girls and that her partying ways won't fly very well in a court since the last thing she's being is a responsible mother.

Finally, document, document, document. I can't tell you how important this is, especially in this crazy time you're in right now. You need to keep a journal on what is happening and it will be extremely important later.

Your girls deserve to live in a home where BOTH of you are happy, and this is not going to happen if she continues to contact and flirt with other men like that.



No - she goes away. You stay with the home and the kids.



Do you believe that you will get more information? Your WW has done quite a good job hiding some stuff from you so far. Now that she knows you're on to her use of the computer to contact other guys, I doubt that she will continue to do so.

I agree100%



I have told her I won't leave the girls. Walking away was just a figure of speech.



I think I will still get some more info. I told her I guessed her password, her password wasn't very original and if I had put some thought into it I would have figured it out. I don't think she even knows there is something that keeps track of her on the computer. She just deletes the history and thinks it's all hidden.

OM#3?? She obviously thinks you are a doormat and she is free to do as she wishes. Wow.

Is there any reason you are dragging your heels with the recorder? Since your WW is on the phone with BF so frequently, I just think it will be easy you for you to get more info in a very short amount of time. I suffered through four d-days and using a recorder would have saved me a lot of grief.

In terms of exposing, what if nothing turns up in the next couple of days...will you lose your nerve? what if your WW suspects you're getting weary and meets a few of your ENs so that she can continue her cake-eating, will it be harder for you to expose? If so, then I would go ahead and expose.

If you feel strongly about using the recorder, getting more info and you are certain you will follow through with it, then I think that is OK too.

Just FYI re your girls...your WW DOES NOT have their best interests in mind at all right now. She is very focused on getting her fix and I would be very careful leaving them with her right now. (One example: My H ran right through a busy four way intersection when he was in the throes of his EAs...)

Not to put the cart before the horse...but you may want to start thinking about what you will require from your WW before you would be willing to work on R with her. I guess this is in line with what MiM and MyRev were talking about with boundaries.

The reason I think this is important...I think your WW has grown accustomed to cake-eating and she will give you JUST enough so that this pattern can continue. I think she knows that she can push your boundaries.

If it was me, I would require, at a minimum:
Polygraph
NC with OM1, 2 and 3
NC with BF
complete transparency
no more nights out with GFs w/o you
counseling with the Harleys

WW doesn't think there is anything wrong with talking with this OM. I told her she needs to break off all contact. She isn't willing to. Yes if I wait much longer I will lose my nerve, I felt that tonight when talking with WW. If she would have said what I wanted to hear I don't know if I would expose. But in the end I told her she needs to break off all contact with the OM and stop going out with friends. I said when that happens then I will be here to work on our M.

I will expose tomorrow.

One of WW biggest problems is that there has been too much damage done. By damage she say that I don't trust her. Ok I said you haven't given me a reason to trust you. Give me a commitment to this marriage and we can rebuild the trust. I said her friends are not friends of this marriage nor are they friends of mine. If they were friends of mine they would not have allowed you screw around on me.

This is all a bunch of crap.

When I asked her about OM today I told her I was going to ask him. When she got home she asked it I called him. She asked me to not call him because it makes her look stupid. I said what do I look like now as the stupid husband who is too blind to see what it going on. I said I need to confront him. This will piss her off but so will letting our family and friends know what she has been doing.

Don't EVER discuss any possible exposure plans with your WS!! That's a bit like discussing your battle tactics with the enemy - a great way to lose the battle, if not the war. Just do the exposure in a way that you believe would be of benefit to your situation. There's plenty of time to discuss the consequences (of her A, NOT of exposure), after the exposure has taken place.

If your WS asks about any possible exposure to someone (e.g. "did you talk to the OM?"), the answer should be a simple "I will do what I believe is necessary to save our M" if you haven't exposed to the person in question and CHANGE THE SUBJECT. If your WS tells / demands / threatens / pleads that you don't expose to someone, your answer should remain the same.

If you keep your WS on her toes as to what your next move will be, and she will be less likely to counter it.

WW changed her password on her email after I told her I guessed it. I have her new one already. This time I am not going to let on that I have it. That email account is a load of information I believe.

I have a recorder in place today. We'll see what I find out tonight.

This morning WW asked me what I did last night. I didn't come to bed when she did. I told her I had some thinking to do. She agreed this morning that she cannot talk to OM again. She was more sincere than the night before. I know she won't stop on her own. I will expose this today. I have a list of people who I am going to call. I told her we are going to send him a letter also. She didn't agree but I kept demanding this and I think she is willing to do this now.

I imagine today is not going to be a good day. I know she is going to be mad that I shared all of her secrets.

Keep the faith. You're doing the right things. Confront OM. Expose to everyone.

Do it yourself and don't lead on that you will do so.

If you don't expose today I'm gonna reach through this computer and.........

I just called her mom and my mom about this. I will continue exposing this a little later, it's still pretty early in the morning.

Sounds like "damage control" and "appeasement" to me. She doesn't want the exposure to happen. She's thrown you a bone, hoping that you'll bite in.



Here's where I'm going to disagree slightly with your course of action.

1. You can't reason with a WW.
2. Demands will not work - a WW will come up with her own reasons to do what you're demanding needs to be done.

In the case of the letter, if you demand it, she may do it, but in her mind she may be telling herself "I'm only doing this because my H is forcing me to", and that's exactly what she will tell the OM the NEXT time that they make contact.

So, please be careful about how you address that requirement for a NC letter with your WW.

I had thought that if she sends this letter she will just tell him I made her do it next time. I guess I don't really know how to go about this. She says she will end it but I don't believe her right now.

WW just called me and asked why I told her mom. I told her that I feel that her parents can help our marriage and that they need to know what is going on in it. She said I'm not doing anything to help our marriage by sharing this with her mom. Well she is really going to be mad when she gets a couple other calls.

Her mom told me I should talk to her uncle. He knows what is going on and after talking to her I think he would be a good person to exose too. I hadn't thought about him before but she has always kind of looked up to him. This one will really make her feel bad since she gets to see him on Saturday at a thing for her grandpa who passed away 1 year ago. She has said a number of times how he wouldn't be proud of her now.

You're opening the exposure weapon waaaaaay to slowly!

Get on the phone NOW!!!! To everyone!

Your wife already is in damage control mode.

You are screwing yourself!!!

Yes, not exposing properly is a big mistake. You're giving her the power to spin things by taking it too slowly.

You may be acting faster than we're perceiving here, but get on it and call everyone quickly before she gets to them and spins it all!

I am done exposing to the people on my list. I was working on it but got busy at work. WW is having lunch with her grandma today. That won't go very well for her.

In all honesty I think my marriage is done. WW is mad and doesn't understand why I had to share this with her mom. I don't know if anyone else has called her yet. She isn't talking to me anymore, she stopped answering the phone.

She told me that there is a reason she has been out meeting other men. She said that in her mind our marriage is done. She doesn't want to try anymore and she wants to separate.

Now that these other people know is this supposed to help her end this crap? I think it's more than just the OM. She said last night that she just wants to be with her friends. She doesn't have any desire to spend time with me.

We warned you that she would freak at exposure. You're taking away her toy.

Don't worry. You said you think you're marriage is done due to your exposure? Your marriage can survive exposure and WW's anger but it cannot survive an affair left to thrive!

I know it doesn't seem like you've done the right thing right now but you have according to MB principals.

She shouldn't understand now why you have to do this- she's not in recovery- she is still in the fog and like a drug addict doesn't want her fix taken away from her.

Stay strong!

I still don't believe that she is going to stop. She just keeps telling me that there is a reason why she has done this.