Oh, as for my relationship w/ my x....pretty good. we talk. we discuss problems. I still have issues dealing w/ him. his wife has taken my side in some situations but she was NOT in the picture until a couple of years after we divorced.

It has always helped me to remember that I needed to make God-centered choices with which I could live and that wouldn't haunt me when I put my head on my pillow.

But, really, we get along pretty well.

It was helpful that we all 5 ended up in family counseling together after my daughter's bout with severe depression several years ago....x, his wife, both children, and me.

Things really did get better after that. As strange as it sounds, that was one of the best things that could ever have happened.

BTW, if your x has 'the big one' and dies, you may be able to get his social security. Don't know all the laws on that, though....have just heard the rumor.

Hi Cind,



See, Cind...I think these two facts go a long way to make things better with an/your ex....

1. his current wife is NOT OP

2. and you were able to get help as a group and probably came up with some PLAN to work together...

3. investing in your personal recovery and healing

4. passage of time

And I guess 2 out 4 is not bad.... most us around here are limited to 3 & 4!

uhmmmm...thanks CL for given us permission to t/j!

BTW, Cind...what happened to OW? ...and how long after D?

Luna,

No problem. As I said, I love having you all over. Besides, I was going to ask Cinder the same question. Also, how long after dday and/or the D did you get to the point that you really didn't want to recover?

And yes. LYS - you are correct.

I am travelling this week for my new job. I am working with the outgoing person to turn everything over to me. Basically, I will be an independent distributor's rep in my same field which will be fun. I'll get to visit other businesses just like mine, so I can give ideas and take some too.

Anyway, I'm staying in Michigan with a friend of mine and having such a difficlut time being around a couple. They are my age and have been M to each other as long. Grown children and very happy. Tonight we did the grill out thing and I helped cook, but it was so hard being alone and not being part of a couple. He did the mandatory grill lighting and cooking, and we did the potatoes and salad. I felt so empty for some reason. Now I feel somewhat homesick and just want to get away and back to my place. I've become a little like a dog and my condo seems to be my safe haven. It's wierd. I'm alone there, but it's now home.
I don't want to be D'd!!!!

CL

On Sunday my block did an Olympics celebration. Families showed up as teams for a series of events (shotput involved throwing water balloons, discus was consecutive frisbee throws, three-legged race, etc.). I had been asked previously whether I was going to go and started to beg off ("I won't have the kids") but got talked into going.

It was going to be six or seven families and me. Some families came as countries, some as team family name. I went as Team Luxembourg (a very small team). People were looking out for me a little more than I would have liked, but I had a pretty good time.

I only lamented somewhat that the kids would have really enjoyed it.

It is what it is. You get used to it.

Hi CL,


...I know the FEELING, CL....not very pleasant, is it?

...we got nowhere to go but...UP! Right!?!??!

Back to my stuff for a minute...one of the women my x had a one-sided ea with was my sister. Another was one of his co-workers and the secretary in his office told me about her, the one for whom he left me only she wouldn't go out with him. Some of the things I discovered he did afterward amounted to slander or liable and you have no idea the sorts of things he said or the fear I had that he might hurt me in front of the children.

And, when you have to do what you have to do to help your suicidal child, you have to do it.


============================================================

Moving on, I love the Olympic themed party. I am glad you went and that they looked out for you. I don't know that I've ever felt too looked after. Really.

Luna, SD, Cinders

Thanks for stopping in. Yes SD, it is what it is. I've been so busy this week though, that I haven't thought too much about my whole sitch. At least for this week I've let it go somewhat. Being with M friends was hard, but as time went by I got a little more used to it.

DD told me today that she is having a boy and that everything is just wonderful. Then I've had several other phone calls from people that know her telling me that the drug use is OoC and that I should expect a crack baby.

She goes back to court in Sept. so hopefully the judge will get the letter that I wrote and lock her up. It's about the only thing that will help at this point.

This isn't the way I expected to greet the arrival of my first grandchild.

I hope to catch up on all the threads this weekend.

Cinders, your XH had an A with your sister?

CL

I don't know what to say without making it sound worse--you're walking a tough road. You're facing and have already faced things I can't imagine.

I'm glad you've been keeping busy and keeping your mind off of things. It will get better.

Chai,

Yep, hard sometimes to see others who have what we want. Don't let envy get the best of you! Know that there is a plan for you, too!


I am sure that is quite the understatement. Yet to quote one of my favorite movies, "Let's focus on the joy of the moment" (Steel Magnolias). You are having a Grandson! Your first!

THAT is a wonderful gift from God. You will love him and the joy he will bring to you life. And just maybe, this little miracle will bring your D around. It has so many others in her sitch.

I'm praying for you all! Hang in there lady!

Hey CL,

G-d doesn't always give us what we want, but he certainly gives us what we need. Whether we like it or not and in his time, not ours.

How's your prayer and talking to G-d going?

You are walking through more stuff than one person probably thinks they can handle in a life time. But I know that you are strong and will survive, not to mention be a better person for it. G-d is giving you what you need. Ask him what you need to do for him to get through this.

We are all here for you, holding you tight and loving on your for the amazing, strong and loving woman you are. You are the greatest miracle from G-d and we KNOW it, now time for you to UNDERSTAND it.

Tell me about your new job?

Q

G-d doesn't always give us what we want, but he certainly gives us what we need. Whether we like it or not and in his time, not ours.
I totally agree with this. BUT, I must admit, it can get confusing. IF you marry, and you marry WITHOUT any of the factors that would lead to an anullment, I don't understand HOW GOD would want ANYTHING but your marriage to survive. He hates divorce, a marriage is simply a representation of HIS relationship to his people. Why would he NOT want it to continue?

But when I pray for his assistance in reparing my marriage, I ALWAYS ask him that if his WILL is for my marriage to end, I ask him PLEASE, don't let me loose my faith in you. I would HATE to lose my wife, but it would really stink if I were to get ticked at GOd and turn away from him. I really don't want that. I've been away for a long long time. ANd since all this garbage has been going on in my life, I have TRIED to regain my relationship with HIM. I don't want to give that up again. I pray I don't.

He DOES hate divorce, but even HE allows it. Even HE divorced those who were unrepentent and unwilling to love Him. Think about it. When he banned Adam and Eve from the garden, wasn't that like a divorce? They broke their covenant with God. He was unwilling to restore them back to the garden to their pre-sin state. How about during Noah's time? God destroyed the world because the people were not repentent and would not turn from their ways. Talk about the ultimate divorce.

I think the best way to pray is to pray for your WS's heart to turn. To pray that God puts people in their path that will influence them to turn back to their marriage. Or for a breaking of your WS.

But even God WON'T change an unwilling heart. Yanno? He could, but He won't because He gave us all free will to choose. He desires for us to WANT a relationship with Him. Same for a WS. We WANT a relationship with them but only with a willing and repentent heart.

So if your WS never returns, God has nothing to do with it. It's all on your WS. They'll have to answer in the end. Not you. Not God.

JMHO.

Yeah
What you said makes sense.

But, to tell you the truth, I have a REAL HARD time accepting the Jewish half of the Catholic bible. The old testament God seems SO DIFFERENT than the God described by Jesus.

Read the chapter on Joshua. Man, the word used most is KILLED. He killed this, he killed that. They wiped out every man, woman, child, animal, insect, bird, reptile, etc, etc, etc,. It disgusting. I KNOW times were DIFFERENT, but do Gods MORALS change?

I read the old testament, trying to understand, but I prefer the new testament. And I've heard fire and brimstone preachers make fun of people who say "people want God to be all fuzzy wuzzy and loving".....well, Yeah, I'd like that. Because THAT describes JESUS. A vindictive, jealous God is NOT what I am looking for. I don't mind paying for my unrepentant sins, but "wiping out all woman and children" somehow doesn't ring of God. Regardless of whether or not the Jews would have followed the false gods or not.

Hey all, thanks for stopping by.

Bugs, thanks for reminding me that a new baby should be a joy. I'm so wrapped up in the addiction part of it that I've had a hard time getting excited. Things have been so bad with her that I can't see past it. I worry for the future of this child. Who is going to take care of it when she goes on one of her 3-day binges? Not sure how I will be able to be there for it. I'm struggling to support myself and working long hours and now will be travelling. How will I be able to raise a baby alone at my age? Just not sure what is going to happen and it scares me.

On the D front, I think I mentioned that WH's atty called and wants to get on with it. I made an appt with my atty Monday am, but am going to talk with him. Either he is willing to fight for me or I'm getting another Atty.

After 1 year, I think I'm emotionally ready to move ahead. I haven't seen or heard from WH other than what my DD tells me, so it's obvious that he is done with the M. Heck, I still don't even know what state he lives in now. I think it's OK though. I've gone back and forth for so long, but it's starting to feel different - little by little. I wake up in the morning and it feels wierd. I'm M, but to whom? Don't know. I know what it must feel like when you get drunk in Vegas and wake up next to a stranger who you married the night before but don't remember it. I think Kelly Pickler sang a song about it - Don't Know my Name - or something like that. It's how I feel. Anyway, I do want to get on with planning my life, and I can't do it in this limbo state that I'm in.

So onward and hopefully upward. I feel like I say the same thing everytime I post, but I guess there just isn't much else to post or write about other than my roller coaster of emotions. Plan B is pretty boring.


Queenie, glad you are back with us. Would love to talk with you. I'll email you....

HI Chai,

This place that we seem to be getting to about being calmer and willing to move on is somewhere I didn't think possible. I'm also not sure I like it either.. I want to say I feel, but who knows.

You haven't told me about your new job. Spill it girl.

Don't email me at work yet, the servers aren't working.

We will talk soon.

Q

Chai, I doubt your daughter would consider it but there might be a family who would love to welcome a child into their home. It might be a chance to provide love to many people who need it.

Get the pit bull, CL. Your WH deserves to be on the other end of that kind of lawyer.

Don't let that stop you. It is boring, but if you get out of the habit of posting, you'll let stuff build up instead of vent it out here. I've made that mistake several times.

Tell us about the job.

Queenie,

email me when your servers are up. Look forward to talking with you.

Cinder - I agree, however my DD has the "welfare" mindset. It's a simple equation - baby=money. Sad but true.

...And I spent 6 figures on a college education. That was money well spent I guess...

SD, I'll keep posting. My 1 year anniversary in Plan B is this weekend. My 2 year anniversary of DDay is coming up Christmas Day. My holiday will be forever tarnished. Anyway, I've considered going back to read my year's worth of posts to see if I've made any progress, but I just can't do it yet. Too much pain to relive it all.

And if I can't get the fire started under my atty's a$$ on Monday, he's history. And I'm out a few thousand. UGH.

OK, about my job. You know that I own a retail store, right? Well, I sell "stuff." Some have probably figured it out. I know that Cinder has.

Anyway, one of the sales reps who has become a friend over the years was looking for someone to take her territory. Her H died in an accident and left her with his business and tons of problems, so she needed to work that. I thought it would be good for me to take over her territory because it would keep me in the industry, give me extra cash, and also allow me to be flexible. So, we talked with all of the distributors that she sells for and all were OK with it. I have a 3 state territory, so hence the travel. I was in corporate sales, but this is so different. I have to laugh about it. I'm driving with a car load of samples, going to different stores. How far down the ladder I have managed to go.... And I spent thousands on an MBA. Guess that was also money well spent too, huh?

As I drive down the road eating three meals a day in my car, I'll have plenty of time to think about what in the h3ll I'm doing. Such is life.

I'm letting go. OP won.

Chai,


Hey there!! Stop that!! It's not about the 'title' or the prestige of a job based on your education. I know lots of people with important degrees who do seemingly 'simple' jobs, but make good money & are happy with what they are doing.

You should be proud of yourself for taking on what is necessary to make it in life. So many college grads have NO common sense and just expect a degree on the wall to get them to 'the top' while they do nothing.

You are much more than that 'expensive' piece of paper!

EXCELLENT choice.

Won what? A damaged man that can't or won't face his own actions? A selfish person only concerned with himself? Someone who is more than likely going to repeat his actions with her?

Count me on the 'losing' side if that is the prize!

Chin up girl! You have a bright future ahead.

Yeah, there are no winners over there. Only Losers.

It's a game where there are no winners, but they will lose so much more than you. Some day, you may even consider yourself a winner. Especially when you meet that perfect guy.

There's light at the end of this tunnel, CL. Better days are ahead.